Can a cheater learn not to ever cheat again?

[Anonymous]

If they cheat on you, can they actually learn from it and not ever do it again? Or is it idiotic taking them back? The issue is they didn't even confess; that would've been better. You had to find out by the person they cheated with and then keep dragging the truth out of them.

Honestly, to take back a cheater I admit I'm not that great. I have several flaws of my own (other things unrelated to cheating) and always had bad luck in many things in life. I'm just keeping her as a whatever girlfriend for the meantime I guess. She thinks I'm forgiving and working it out. I just don't want to spend another 3-4 years single. That's how long it took to get into a new relationship when I got dumped. I'm just waiting for the moment to get to know a new girl, have it lined up (not cheat though but get to know her) and then when I calculate it so well, dump her in a harsh manner to be honest.

Updates

+1 y

I don't like anything else about her except great sex. In my eyes, she just lowered herself to a slut to have fun with for the meantime and keep her as a ''girlfriend'' only by title but not really see her in that manner.

[AmandaYVR]

Of course they can not-cheat. What's idiotic is people who think 'once a cheater, always a cheater.' It's simply not true. But people say it out of anger, hurt, and frustration. It's their way of applying rules, and coping mechanisms, to avoid getting hurt, feeling slighted, or being embarrassed later.

But you don't trust her or care about her anymore. Keeping someone in your life just for sex is just another shitty way to treat someone. If you stay with that in mind, how much better are you than her?

[Asker]

The thing is it takes me a long while to get into another relationship after one ends. I'm not really a guy with many options. I guess I had more options.

[Havthrills]

I had a girlfriend that proved "once a cheater always a cheater." She said it was the thrill of cheating and the many men she could secretly have sex with. Once she told me right away, I thought it would be different with me. Nope. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[AmandaYVR]

@Havthrills Wow what an unethical bitch. Sorry.

Asker, that's understandable. But in the meantime, you could at least make the most of the time you have with her. It's really ugly, the way you describe your feelings toward her.
Maybe she feels that you don't like anything about her, and that in part contributed to her cheating.

[MrOracle]

There are two types of cheaters.

The first type is the true "momentary weakness" kind of cheater. Everything lined up somehow so that they faced overwhelming temptation at the same time their relationship was strained, and they made a mistake out of weakness, ONCE, immediately regretted it, and immediately confessed without trying to minimize their mistake - being fully prepared for the relationship to end, and understanding the damage they have done. THAT kind of cheater MIGHT deserve a second chance.

The other type of cheater is the one who set out to cheat, and made an effort to conceal the cheating. That person is a narcissist - they don't care who they hurt as long as they are happy in the moment, and they don't care about the fallout of their actions. This type of cheater should NEVER get a second chance - and really didn't deserve a first chance.

[Asker]

Yeah confessing makes a difference than being played like an idiot and having to find out yourself. My stupid girlfriend belongs to the 2nd category. She doesn't know what I'm only using her for sex for the time being. There won't be anymore dates outside, no more good gifts for special days nor her b-day and no more family invitations. It'll just be coming in for the sex and then leave after an hour or so.
I'm doing this until I find better. If I just leave right now, it's likely I'll be single for maybe another 4 years.

[Anonymous]

In my personal experience. No. An ex of mine cheated on me. I foolishly gave her another chance. The very date that was her “another chance” she got absolutely drunk. Wound up hitting on another guy at the bar and getting his number right infront of me. The female bartender actually gave me a free beer and was like “im so sorry” I was completely embarrassed and hurt. And to top it off i broke another of my rules (the first was never go back to someone you broke up with) which is to always have an escape plan… we went to the bar together in HER car. So I couldn’t leave. And then… because im the kind guy i am I decided i had to stay anyway to make sure her looser ass got hime safely… even after all that. What an experience.


So yea l… I wouldn’t give a cheater another chance. They had their chance already ans showed they aren't good enough.

[Asker]

I'm just keeping as a booty call to be honest, a casual girlfriend. She's only a girlfriend by title by all I'm just there for the sex until I have a better option, hopefully soon.

[Adele_26]

As someone who cheated, I will say that yes, there is a chance they’ll never cheat again. I cheated out of fear while being in a first-time, healthy relationship. Thought it was too good to be true. Our relationship is long-distance, so other insecurities/fears were brought to light as well. The thing is, I told him a couple days later. Most people don’t do that. I didn’t shower, barely ate, and was overall melancholic for a week. I knew I had issues, and I wanted to fix them.

Don’t be in a relationship if you’re just wanting someone as a back-burner. Break up with her and play the field. by the way, if you talk to a girl while in a relationship, and she finds out, I guarantee she won’t want you either after the fact. Don’t repeat the cycle.

[Asker]

You're a different case. Usually I'm harsh with cheaters but at least you came forward and confess, not continue lying to the person's face and only admit it when caught. I hate that.
The thing is she would have nothing to complain about. I would just be talking to another and see where it goes and dump the trashy girlfriend. The thing is it takes me a long while to get back into a relationship once it ends. I'm not really a man with too many options.

[Asker]

If my trashy girlfriend would've confessed like you did, perhaps I would've soften up and wouldn't be this harsh. Confessing makes a difference. It's better than being made the fool and having to find out through the other man himself.

[Guy13]

It’s like 3 years to believe a cheater and absolute openness with all accounts phones etc. passwords. Let her look around. Sir your phone by the door and encourage her to look through. Eventually all that 💩 will stop.

[Asker]

Damn, all that for a worthless cheater. I'm just keeping her around as a casual girlfriend until a better option comes. I don't even see her the same to be honest. All I see is a fuck buddy under the name of ''girlfriend''.

[Guy13]

Yep…but if she started offering like I was talking about then you soften up. But yeah, 💩 like this can kill it dead and just an exercise routine with a benefit Squirt

[Honest-Matt]

It sounds like you're hurt and bitter, rightfully so. And yes I think eventually people who cheat will decide to stop cheating if it suits them. Will they learn to stop? No, they'll decide if it's worth it. You are not and should not be their tool to learn or decide to stop cheating. Do what you like, but get rid of her eventually.

[Asker]

I wish I found better soon. It's easy walking away but then I'll likely be single for another 4 years, another 4 years of nothing.

[Vesuvius87]

Sure they can learn but they would have to learn it with someone else; not with me. I'm not into taking back cheaters.

In regards to your update, keeping a cheater for any reason is still a waste of time. There is nothing wrong with being single. You're still wasting your time keeping her for sex. A cheater isn't even worth moments of lust either.

[AddylynnNightingale]

I believe deep in my heart that some of them can learn from their mistakes. But I am also someone who will not give someone who cheats a second chance. Cheating not being acceptable should be a no-brainer in a relationship, so if you fail and break such an obvious rule, you're out.

[idkwhatsreal]

They don’t need to learn. They know how to not cheat. It’s a pretty simple concept. They just have to choose to be faithful. And yes anyone can make that choice. Also a simple concept. Cheating is selfish

[Asker]

yes cheaters are very selfish. For sure they never once cared about you when they were doing their selfish act. My stupid girlfriend thinks all is forgiven but I'm actually just for the sex at this moment. I'm going to dump her when I have a better option.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I don't do cheaters &I don't take them back. If they cheated on me once, it just becomes easier for them to do it again & then I'm the damned idiot who allowed it to happen.

[Asker]

I'm using my girlfriend for sex mainly. That's what she is right now, a trashy sloot and shall be treated as one.

[Asker]

She really thinks all has been forgiven, lol. I'm just waiting for something better to come along.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Man, I wouldn't lead her on like that. You need some time alone before you jump into a new relationship, "wash the filth off" so to speak.
She needs to know & learn that it was unacceptable & that there are consequences for her actions.
But, you do you.

[annabananna]

It is possible for sure but it’s hard to know for sure if they will or won’t so it leaves the other person insecure in the relationship and unsure if they can’t trust they won’t do it again.

[Asker]

They sure enjoyed the moment and didn't care about you right there. My stupid girlfriend doesn't know I'm just in for the sex at the moment. Once a better girl comes along (hopefully soon), I'm ditching her in a harsh, humiliating way.

[annabananna]

That behavior is no better than a cheater.

[dustybiker]

There would always be doubt. They could only attempt to change with someone new and hope they don’t damage them too.

[Juxtapose]

No, a cheater does not consider your needs equal to their needs in their mind. They lack that crucial quality that is the difference between a bad person and a good person.

[Asker]

I hate the fact that they would've never told you themselves. You have to drag the truth out of them with evidence. I hate that. It makes you want to hate them even more.

[Asker]

I hate that even more than if a cheater were to confess, come clean on their own.

[hafinjun]

Tough question, it's been my experience that if you forgive it's almost giving license to do it again."she/he forgave my last time , maybe she/he won't catch me , if they do, I'll promise to stop 🤔

[Asker]

That's the thing. It's like I feel like an idiot for taking her back. It's actually part of my plan to eventually dump her when a better option comes.

[hafinjun]

Not really sure how to respond to that if your going to dump her anyway why the game., revenge,? If I'm to the " you gotta go part of our program. I don't want to see her

[bamesjond0069]

It's about incentives and stuff. Most people who get cheat on make the cheating seem more attractive than being faithful so no wonder they stray. Common sense.

[Asker]

I'm just using her for the sex until there are better options. If I leave, I'm going to probably be single for another 4 years likely.

[AsaKyo]

No, cause' if they gave no fucks the first time, why would they give any the second, and the third and the fourth and the fifth, etc? lmao

[fonduegirl]

No second chances. I believe a cheater deserves no second chances.

[fonduegirl]

Staying with a cheater bc you're afraid of loneliness is pathetic, bruh, but you do you.

[fonduegirl]

The update has rendered this question redundant.

[genericname85]

sure. but i would still never trust a person who cheated on me ever again.

[Asker]

yeah I don't trust my stupid girlfriend at all. I'm just keeping her for the sex meanwhile she really thinks all was forgiven. LOL
I'm going to dump her when there is a better option for me.

[genericname85]

well if you're lying to her like that, you're not that much better.

[Lyrem_]

@Asker you’re no better

[genericname85]

@Lyrem_ yup. you're defined by how you treat people not by how people treat you. if you're treated like shit hat makes them assholes. if you treat them like shit, that makes you an asshole. and what they did to you first has nothing to do with that. 2 wrongs don't make a right.

[Twalli]

A cheater can learn not to cheat again. It's less likely if they were found out as opposed to telling you though. What you're doing though is pretty shitty too.

[LordOfThePines]

Not betraying people is not a skill one has to learn, it is the default setting, it takes far more skill to lie and betray people.

[Asker]

yes, cheaters are screwed in their heads
I don't even care to check on my stupid girlfriend. I'm using her for sex for the time being until a better girl shows up in my life.

[LordOfThePines]

Honestly, that is a truly disgusting thing to do and a disgusting mindset to have, you should be ashamed of yourself.

[18Uma21]

It's not something you learn. It's something you feel to do or not to do

[Asker]

The nerve when they don't say it to your face ''look I cheated, I'm a POS'', at least. I'm the type that believes a confession is better than being kept in the dark and finding to find out on your own... even more humiliating, the person they cheated with telling you all of it.

[18Uma21]

It is humiliating and degrading either way

[TroyDT2]

Yes, but if she cheats on me she'll have to learn to be faithful with someone else.

[BJP21]

Getting that trust back will be difficult. You cheat once you're done.

[Zolly99999]

NO... once a cheater always a cheater... at least in my experience.

[stephencpbottomboy]

Yes they can but what's done is done and I. Can be friends with them but would never trust them again

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater always a cheater. It's simply a matter of WHEN.

[VoyagerXCI]

They get better at cheating over the time and no, they won't stop it ever.

[Anonymous]

You know what they say. Once a cheater...

[Asker]

Yes I've heard of that phrase many times in my life. She really thinks it's all forgiven, lol. I'm only keeping it for sex until I have a better option.

[Opinion Owner]

Smart man! I would have done the same as you :)

[boobliker]

cheaters will always cheat!

[Iron_Man]

Maybe some but not everybody

[jimmy2]

No they only care about themselves

[Asker]

She thinks I've forgiven. I'm only using her sex. Cheaters suck

[Asker]

for sex

[Steamnir]

No he can't

[Anonymous]

you're disgusting

[Asker]

I didn't cheat on her. She's the cheater. A cheater is a disgusting person of low morals. I'm only using a trashy person for sex and will eventually dump her when I find better.

[Opinion Owner]

you and her are same

[Charlesbrandonf]

Yeah 100%

[ZenJen444]

Nope