Search Results: testing love

Should emotional puzzle pieces align just right.. after all... easy feels good...

If so, it means you don't have to change...

... context...
I've had a friendzone that felt... so easy going, fun, no pain. I learned nothing... time went by... I don't recall changing as I wasn't challenged emotionally as I remained in my comfort zone... one conditioned from the wounds of life. Do you feel fine as you are? My "soul mate" as one described, was a match from hell. She enabled me to be suspended in my flawed state of being as time wasted away.

I've had two romantic relationships since wit lots of pain, the dangling friendzone was poison, but real issues resulted from my emotional flaws in intimate relationships.

My girlfriend today challenges me on moral, value, integrity. She saw foundation cracks early... testing my perceptions was hard, I denied when she tested... avoidance, perception. It hurt her greatly to struggle against "the waves" of my wounded subconscious. I changed, after hours or weeks of fighting.

Serious flaws in my deeper inner self were exposed like the archeologists uncover old relics. Wounds of long ago, stuff that felt "normal" in me, controlled me... limited me... guided me in the wrong directions. Fear... of intimacy, shame. Trusting the wrong people and mis trusting... traced to early life bonding issues with mother. Avoidant personality, passive aggressive... wounds from being sensitive and being hurt and inability to fight back. Just a few. The roots of all is deep emotional wounding in childhood. Point being...

I was warned about how relationships are... work. I didn't understand. Being challenged with love is good.. for your own and mutual growth! Does it end? Is life like a game of donkey kong... conquor one level to get to another, try not to fall down to the bottom... or jump when it's too hard.

I'm pretty sure I only find girls attractive, I'm straight,
But no girls like me and that doesn't seem like a valid option, I jus wanna be loved by someone but girls will never so I gave up on that idea... And... Even though I'm very much heterosexual... I thought about testing out being gay for awhile to see if I might like it or not... I thought about signing up to some gay dating app and arranging a meet up with some guy... But I'm not sure I'd be able to kiss him I might find it very uncomfortable and weird... But I think I'm willing to try it jus to see... I dunno... Is this a stupid Idea?

My ex boss , from my first job as a teen, i still know cause we go flying together, well, his wife and mother of three says that he isn't his source. He is a multi multi millionaire. Making at a minimum $50M a year with all of his inventions.
My post about how you should go about testing a girls love for you was removed by gag this morning. If you didn't see that post... it was made out of pure wisdom and instinct. 80% are beta, 80% called me crazy.

Background.

• From the very beginning of our dating experience I was very open about my trauma of abandonment of my parents and lies growing up as a child. "I have a vulnerability of trust. I have a hard time trusting people. I feel people I care for may betray me."
• Because of this I am not okay at all with flaky behavior or canceled dates.
• In the past I have almost broken up with her due to flaky behavior. For example inviting me over and then a minute later changing her mind. Etc.
• She has explained herself as being an off the cuff planner. She has stated that when she texts me invites she is "thinking out loud". She doesn't view statements like "Do you think you can come over Today/Friday/etc" as setting a "definite" date.
• On Monday morning, I leave her place and she says for the first time "Bye, I love you!"
• On Monday afternoon, she says she has a busy schedule but invites me over on Friday. But 30 seconds later pushed back saying that she didn't know about her schedule that day. I was annoyed and told me to discuss this Friday so she has a better sense of her schedule. I told her to get back to me on Wednesday because I am a busy guy and I don't set "maybe" dates.

The Story:

She emails me randomly on Wednesday a family zoom invite. The zoom invite is for Friday night. It was the night of our plan date at her place that was still in dispute and being discussed. She had forwarded an email from an aunt and it showed the emails of her mom, dad, brother, etc. When she forwarded the email she left NO message. There was no explanation. Nothing.

About 2 hours later she messaged me asking how I was, saying she missed me, etc. Then I asked her about the email and she says, "I totally forgot I organized.. a family zoom call on Friday!" She says she sent me the email "Just to show you that I'm busy.. I'm not inviting you to it. I was informing..."

Why no explanation for sending the email and "forgetting" she sent it?