Are relationships always going to be a power struggle?

[Anonymous]

There is always going to be one person who is at least slightly more into the other in a relationship. The person with lesser interest holds more power unforturnately. But like any sales negotiation usually one party has more power than the other.

I have found myself on both ends of the spectrum. But when I got in my late 20s/early 30s I understood the game better. There have been a few times where I was less interested party. In those scenarios I really tried my best to not take advantage of that. I know exactly how it feels how the roles were reversed.

Anyway doc love said a few years ago it’s best when the women is (very) slightly more interested in the guy. Given that she is subconsciously testing him it helps her think twice if she’s being unfair.

If just never been in a relationship that had that kind of balance. I was close to that years ago. The girl was really into me but she met me during a rough patch in my life. I didn’t know what I wanted at the time. Shitty irony and I ended up driving her away. If I would of met her in the last 5 years i would of taken a knee.

[AmandaYVR]

Relationships that are seen as power struggles will ultimately fail.
I notice people who talk about this are the ones who want power and control.
It's a mindset, and it doesn't work.

I don't like people who are bossy or always try to get their way. Even friends who are uncompromising are a pain in the ass and are frankly disposable.
A work colleague like this is a nightmare.
But lovers? No one has to put up with that.

[Asker]

I’m talking about a much more subtle power imbalance. One person might not be bossy but the other person is much more likely to worry, please and “bend” for the other.

I’ve been in both positions. More so on the wrong side of the coin when I was much younger. I was brainwashed to be too nice and overly chivalrous to women. But also I admittedly been the jerk a few times. However I count the times that’s happened on one hand. I was also aware of my behavior at the time and was chastising myself. Trying to rein in back.

[AmandaYVR]

Ok. Well I still will never agree that healthy relationships think in term of power; or that it's beneficial if one party loves more than the other. But if I look at it as being primarily about compromise - yes, those disparities do mostly have to be addressed. I guess there are people and situations where one gives more and one gets more. But for the most part, inequities, or focusing on them, end relationships.

I think it's disgusting, frankly, that some people tell others "Find someone who loves you more than you love them." That's a terrible goal.
I do think women have more needs in relationships (even female:female friendships and sister:sister relationships are quite demanding, psychologically, on each other. It isn't limited to just males/lovers/romantic partners.) It's somewhat interesting that you mention if a woman has more interest, she may naturally curb some of her expectations or demands. Sounds plausible.

[Asker]

Many women shit test and don’t even realize it. It’s an unfortunate biologically programmed characteristic to make sure they are with a “viable mate”.

Of course reasonable people can be introspective. They can realize they were in the wrong, take a step back and apologize if necessary. But it’s much easier to not give a crap about not playing fair when you are not that attracted to the other person. Attraction is not the same thing is as respect. While they often go hand in hand it’s possible to respect someone despite not feeling particularly attracted to them

[Anonymous]

I've learned from many other woman failed and successful marriages is to gave the man more interested than the girl

[Anonymous]

Not totally.
Sometimes people settle into relationships after many years together.
Their lives become so intertwined with kids and responsibilities that that they kind of forget that one of them is hotter.
The hotter one actually commits and participates in the relationship for a while.

[FatherJack]

They will always have their inevitable difficulties , as each gender is wired so differently , with opposite & often conflicting needs and wants.