Search Results: trying to get over her

I ask this question because I noticed often times when someone’s trying to solve a conflict where a Partner is let with them, they are more so trying to extricate themselves from an uncomfortable situation of somebody being angry with them.

🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s similar to “just give me the answer” on a maths problem, rather than understanding how you arrived at the answer. Which is always going to be tempting for people at one point or another. But this doesn’t solve the problem long-term because if you don’t know what’s going on and you don’t know what causes you don’t know how to keep it from happening again, if that’s not possible sometimes conflicts come up repeatedly.

🫤 I tend NOT to see much trying to _understand_ what is happening with the other person.. what is really making them upset.

I’m sure you have seen solutions for getting out do the 🐶 🏡 that have nothing to do with learning anything, rather ways to hopefully placate the other party.. gifts treats surprises favors etc. Thats stuff is absolutely bonkers to me. Here you have a solid learning opportunity that can help everyone long term and you try to buy it off. 🤯

Or the lazy generic “how do you get a woman to forgive you” “ how do you get a man to not be angry” nothing about what that actual person is experiencing and what brought out the maybe overly dramatic reaction in that moment.

I think many people would even be _annoyed_ if they were upset and someone started asking “what are you going through? What’s happening with you, what even caused this?”

🧐 I find it very _interesting_ when someone’s really upset. I tend to not get defensive because I’m more interested in understanding what’s going on over having a fight… I mean, unless of course I’m being accused of something absolutely ridiculous that has nothing to do with me- that is annoying af 🤨 but otherwise I’m more into taking an observing position.. I have observed this can be irritating to people who are very angry, however not my intent. 👀

Long story short, we matched & spoke for a few wks on bumble a few months ago. He asked to meet up, the times he gave weren’t working & I was new at a job/stressed at the time. He follows up again during this time & I didn’t follow through, flash fwd to a little over a month ago & I regretted not meeting up. I sent him a well thought message & he never replied so I assumed he wasn’t interested. Last wk, we end up matching on another app & I was shocked. He msgs me saying he remembers me & I told him I tried reaching out recently but apparently he didn’t know bc he hasn’t checked bumble in a while.

We’ve sent a few msgs everyday since EXCEPT this Mon, I reply to his message from Sun night Mon evening & he didn’t reply until Tues morning. He apologized & said he had a long night…I try to not be clingy but always thought it’s expected you should message matches daily. Personally, I only send 1 message a day or every other day/every few days when it’s very early on, might change to 1-2 per day if the convo is going in the right direction (when it’s just on the app & before sharing #s). I just thought the guy might take more…initiative. Is it a sign they’re not interested if they don’t message daily? We’re still only msging on the app but it can be exhausting checking often. Last thing I’ll add is he reached out Sun night asking for my sched this week to see when I’m avail to meet up. I asked if weekends work & he said he needs to confirm if he’s still scheduled to visit his parents & will get back to me/will try to keep that day open.