Search Results: can you find a partner when you are lost

The first question above was for the poll.

This second question is a bonus one so feel free to not respond to it if you don't feel comfortable. It's just asking for personal advice. Thank you in advance to all who vote/reply.

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I have worried that friendships don't form in my life because maybe some can tell I was abused growing up and they don't want to get closer.

I want to try to find out Why there seems to be a barrier stopping friendships from forming (a condition which has been present for many years now and is really taking its toll).

I was told by a professional that I have a flat affect: its when your face during interation or conversation with someone shows no emotion or change and supposedly this is disconcerting for the conversation partner to witness, to the point that they will not want to talk to you in the future or think that you are emotionless or psychopathic.

Internally (especially in private) I am emotional, but when in front of people there usually an energy drainage in procession: As much as I feel attached or caring towards people, especially certain ones, quickly I lose energy around them.

I also just do not want to be open, and this is instinctive. I have so many memories of being harassed and feeling so low down growing up from childhood and all the way into high school. Not sure if that is typical for everyone else but that feeling of not belonging, fear, and feeling like something was always wrong with me and needed to be changed to fit in, and never succeeding at fitting in defines my period of growing up. Not only was I facing bullies in peers but my caregivers tore me down too.

So the question here was if people can sense I was hurt and broken down growing up and if this is something that is making them not be attracted to friendship with me.