Tony's Advice on Manhood
I'm 26 years old, and I've had a lot of life experience. I've spent my life in the military, academia, the engineering world, and law enforcement. I've battled my health when I was told that I might not live. I've experienced poverty, and I'm now experiencing being a part of the upper socioeconomic class. I've also experienced a lot of different kinds of women having gone through different phases in my life.
By no means do my fundamental values on masculinity concur with everyone else. I fully recognize that other people have a different upbringing, culture, and belief system. These are just some things that I've learned along the way. I feel younger men might be able to benefit from this. If I get positive feedback, I intend to make this a continuous series. These rules that I've created are by no means in a sequential order of importance, but rather arbitrary thoughts that come to mind when I'm thinking about who I am and my personal values.
RULE #1: Be yourself unapolgetically. Embrace who you are and always strive to be the best version of yourself. Haters are going to hate no matter what facade you put on for others, so you might as well be yourself and develop relationships with others who actually appreciate you for who you authentically are. This kind of transparency exudes confidence to others naturally, and that includes women.
RULE #2: Don't ever let people disrespect you, but don't overcompensate in how you address it. In the real world, people are going to disrespect you and challenge you no matter who you are. The best way on how to handle it, is to let the other person directly know that you don't appreciate that kind of behavior, and will not accept it. Be friendly, but direct. 90% of the time, that person will re-evaluate their actions and correct their behavior. They will also respect you for sticking up for yourself without attacking them. This shows them that you are self-assured, confident, and have a sense of value in yourself. If they cross you again, then you need to take matters to the next level, but always give others an opportunity to correct themselves by approaching the situation with tact.
Remember that you have to give people a reason to treat you right, and give you things that you want. Yelling at people and getting in their face is showing them that you don't have control over your emotions. When you get upset and yell, you're literally handing over that other person control of your emotions, hence giving them the opportunity to fuck with you. You're the leader of yourself. You construct your own route. Not them. Don't give anyone that leverage... ever. You might satisfy your ego in the moment, but calm and collected wins the war. Burning bridges along the way will only haunt you in the future. The key is to walk away from the situation making the other person re-evaluate their actions feeling wrong for mistreating you, and convincing them to want to make it better.
RULE #3: Don't open up to that many people in your life. Have a trusted select few who you give yourself emotionally to. This includes women. Make a woman earn that emotional connection from you. If you're too much of an open book, people will naturally utilize that against you when push comes to shove.
RULE #4: Never let anyone get in the way of your mission in life. A man needs to have his mission in life to feel content and masculine within himself. Is your dream to become a doctor? Then put that mission in front of everything else and make this a priority. Don't let a woman or outside influences deter you from that. I had a lot of people tell me that engineering was out of my league, including my entire family. I stuck to it, and achieved my dream. I've never felt more confident in my life after I achieved it. Women will resent you if you can't follow through with your personal goals. Be passionate about it, and strive for it.
RULE #5: Never strive to be comfortable. Being comfortable leads to mediocrity. There is no time in your life in which you feel 100% content, and that stems from our biological programming as men. We're always striving for more, and if we aren't, we become complacent, and lose our confidence. Choose your goals wisely, and learn how to embrace that suck as I learned in the military. 95% of your goal is working towards it, and only 5% is enjoying the reward in regards to time consumption. Don't have the incorrect goals that satisfy others and not yourself, otherwise you will dread 95% of the life. Most of the time, the harder the struggle, the more rewarding the outcome. Embrace the path towards success through struggle and hard work.
RULE #6: Don't cheat or stray when you're in a relationship. Temptation becomes difficult to fight in difficult times in a relationship, but when you cheat on your significant other, you're cheating yourself. You will in return have a lower standard of yourself. This will diminish who and what you stand for as a man. If you have to cheat instead of gathering the testicular fortitude to up and tell her, then you're saying that you as a man don't have courage, honor, integrity, and respect. When a relationship isn't working and urges become strong enough, be a man, and tell her. She will be hurt, but will only respect you for it. The best thing to do is not always the easiest. Separate yourself from other men who are feeble minded, and hold yourself to a higher standard.
RULE #7: Relationships are enjoyable when done correctly. As a man, it's your obligation to lead the relationship looking out for the best interest of the two of you. She will let you lead, and naturally submit if she trusts you and respects you as a man. Don't ever take advantage of that. Cherish her.
RULE #8: Immediately discard of toxic women in your life because there are better women out there. In the US, progressive society has really done a disservice to the dating world. Younger women are told it's empowering to spread their legs and are also being told that you're strong if you can be a bitch. Media has really influenced this control in a negative way. Not all women give into this, but a lot have. Bitchy and rude women are background clutter to me at this point in my life. I don't waste energy arguing or fighting with them. It's a never ending battle. There are selfless, loving, nurturing, and caring women out there. There are women who find it empowering to raise a family, or getting an education, or giving back the community. Don't waste your time on the trash. Discard of the the trash and save yourself of heartache, wasted energy, and youth.
RULE #9: Don't become bitter when the wrong woman fucks you over. If a woman fucks you over by cheating, or breaking your heart, then you need to move on. Becoming bitter will only tarnish your future potential in finding a better partner. You give off a vibe towards other women when you're bitter whether you try to conceal it or not. For me, when I got cheated on, I started looking at the other women in my life an realized that they aren't all bad. My sister, cousins, aunts, grandmas, and mom have always treated their men with the utmost respect. The right woman in your life will only compliment your life and make you so much happier. Don't let the trash ruin the potential to find someone who's a gem.
Something else I've noticed is that trash women seem to come into your life when you feel and act like trash yourself. When you're successful, and have developed a genuine sense of confidence in yourself, the kind women who will treat you like the man you want to be will start to gravitate. So if you're not having any luck, then just keep working on yourself and the chances are that you'll meet someone. I have much higher quality women in my radar at this point in my life.
RULE #10: Life is really going to fuck you up sometimes and leave you not wanting to even live when it really knocks you down. Don't sweat it. It's all apart of the human struggle, and you're not the only one going through it. Persevere through it, and keep moving forward, and eventually the path will lay out for you.