A guide to becoming an adult


This will not start with a personal success story. I’m not selling anything to you, it’s your call if you want to accept this or not. A real adult takes responsibility for all decision he/she makes and accepts the consequences of his/her actions. There is much more to growing up than being 18, 21 or 40 years old. To be mature, you have to think like a human adult. And a human adult is not someone who’s had “a lot of life experience”. While experience can help to a point, it does not guarantee a thing. However what it does guarantee is that you have made a lot of mistakes that you could have avoided. You can be a 29 year old who has never had sex nor a date in his entire life and still be more mature than a married 40 year old with kids. I have found an alarming number of people here who are about my age or even older, and still seem to be clueless when it comes to life. So as I found myself repeating the same opinions over and over again, I decided to write this short “guide”. As this is a general “guide through life” I have listed only the most important things and have not went into details much. However i can make mistakes, maybe I forgot to list something very important. Feel free to comment on this text and supplement it if you think I forgot something important.

This "guide" applies to both males and females.

Most people seem to be
Most people seem to be

General life rules

1. Find your purpose in life

Life does have meaning. You need to find something to strive towards, no matter how hard it is to achieve. The higher you aim, the higher you will climb at the end. The bigger the goal is the better.

2. Strive towards your purpose no matter what others say

If your goal is to be a CEO of a large marketing company, you need to be searching for a job in marketing until you get it. Even if you are working as a cook right now, do not give up. In fact, if you never reach it=even better. You will always have something to strive for and won’t get depressed easily.

3. Get your priorities straight and find a job

Find any job you are capable of doing. You need a reason to get up in the morning. You need to pay the bills. However, while you are on the move always keep your priorities in mind. If the temporary job gets in your way too much, just find another one and quit.

4. Keep your goal your first priority at all times, but be realistic

This does not mean you should become a workaholic. Obviously you should prioritize and juggle all the responsibilities that you take in life. That includes personal life. Always remember that you are not as efficient as you want to be 100% of the time. You also need some time to relax in order to be productive. Never force yourself to work towards your goal when you can’t. Take a break. Go with friends/partner to a movie. Play some video games. Then when you are ready, continue.

Finding a partner

1. Decide what kind of a partner you want

Do you want someone who will stay at home, work with you on your job, or something else? What priorities should they have in life? Are they introverted or extroverted? Do they like to party a lot, go to fancy dinners, art galleries, public rallies or just stay at home? The more types you can come up with that are acceptable to you, the more options you will have.

2. List the requirements

Keep these requirements realistic and try your best to keep physical appearance out of this/these list/s. A requirement should be something that your future partner should be able to do thirty years after you have been together. If you absolutely must add a physical characteristic as a requirement, do not put something people have absolutely no influence over. With each unimportant thing you add you are lowering your number of options.

3. Rank your requirements from “not negotiable” to “desirable”

Rank the requirements by how important they are to you. Make sure that physical characteristics are of the lowest priority possible.

Always remember to stick to the things that are the most important to you. If someone ticks almost everything you listed as important, but almost nothing on the “desirable” list, think long and hard how likely are you to find someone better in a relatively close future.

4. Do not actively search for a suitable partner

I can not stress this enough. The chance that you will bump into a perfect match is astronomically small. It is possible, but it is very unlikely. Just do your thing and meet people along the way. Like to read? Join a book club. Like politics? Join a political party/NGO/other organisation that you agree with the most. You will find more people that are on the same page if you are following your own interests.

Romantic relationship rules

1. Love is overrated

Hollywood is a business. They are showing what most of the targeted audience would like to be true. Things like love on first sight are a complete lie. Intense attraction is possible, but that is based only on superficial things and doesn’t last long. It lasts long enough for you to make the biggest mistake of your life though.

You want a partner you can see yourself with in the future. Love comes with time. Don’t act like a little girl, control yourself(this applies to both men and women). If you are wearing “pink glasses”, recognize it and keep it in mind at all times. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

2. Do not make your partner your first priority

Your partner is an addition to your life. In some situations you should obviously pick them over whatever you are doing. If you haven’t seen your partner for two weeks and now you should choose between staying overtime at your job yet again and a date night, pick date night. If they are having a very important difficult problem, help them through it. You have to juggle your responsibilities. Just apply common sense and see which problem is more important.

3. Communicate openly

Be open and upfront, but not too blunt. If your partner asks you if they put on some weight, and they have, say the truth. Don’t tease them if it bothers them. Also don’t just be captain obvious, offer a solution. Help them out. If they want to lose some weight, suggest running together every other day. You should not lie, they only need to see that you care. Always say if something they do bothers you.

4. If you discover your partner has a trait that it’s at the top of your “no-no” list, think long and hard before deciding to continue seeing them/brake up

This of course depends on the stage of your relationship. If you are married and have kids together, it’s your fault that you didn’t see it before. Now you have to consider the impact it will have on your kids. You are responsible for them now. Make a call and accept all the consequences. As a great philosopher Dr House once said: “People don’t change. They just become more of who they really are.”


P.S. I am expecting backlash over this.

A guide to becoming an adult
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Optymistyk
    Well I have no idea what my purpose in life is. Really I don't care much about wealth or fame. Honestly the thing I care most about right now is being successful with women
    • If you find a perfect girl tomorrow, and if she likes you and decides to date you: the relationship will end within three months. You need a purpose. What do you like to do? What are you studying?

    • I like to do whatever seems fun at the moment. I have many hobbies but I'm not particularly good at any of them. I think I like drawing the most.

      I always had very good grades in school and my A-level exam allowed me to go to the best university of technology in my country. I had no idea what I wanted to study but I had to choose something so I chose to study IT. After all I was always good at maths, physics, English, logic, electronics and computers. It quickly became clear to me that I hated it but my parents forced me to stay. Somehow it struck the perfect balance of boring yet difficult and stressful. On top of that there were very few girls and all of them ugly so I grew lonely. After 4 years of pushing myself to do this I finally had a mental breakdown, failed everything and got expelled. Now I'm working in a warehouse. To be honest I prefer this, its fucking boring but at least it's not stressful or difficult. I could still probably get a job in IT but I didn't want to. I got no idea where my life is headed

    • You don't need to be good at it. You just have to like it. So what do you like the most?

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  • dustierose
    Thanks :)​ I like it and agree with you