Are my priorities wrong for my age?

Question

I am 28 soon to be 29. I am constantly pressured to have kids by people in my life. I have people constantly reminding me I am almost 30.

I just want to continue travelling and live my life but people always bringing up my age has me wondering am I out of time to be carefree? Should I start thinking about settling down and having children?

HighValue · Accepted Answer

This may be a little long, but I will explain something with logic and reason to possibly aid your decision.

If you ever want to have a GOOD mate to have kids and raise a family with, you should focus on that now.

Biologically speaking, once you are 35 your chances of having healthy kids without learning disabilities declines sharply. (At twice the rate a 55 year old man's fertility declines.) You also need to take a year to recover in-between having kids. So if you meet someone to date at 30, you date for a year, then move in at 31. At 32 you decide to start trying to have kids. If you are LUCKY and get pregnant almost immediately (uncommon) then you would be 33 to have your first kid. Take one year off to recover and you are 34. Then try to have another and you are 35 when you do.

So, if you want 2 kids, you need to begin a relationship by the time you turn 30. It takes time to find someone good. It is much more difficult than it is to find someone okay or not good to date temporarily.

Biology matters and any who claim that you can still have healthy kids after 35 are lying to you. It is often women past 30 that claim that because they are angry they are not desirable anymore to any good men that want a family. It is POSSIBLE, but biological it is very UNLIKELY to have HEALTHY kids after 35.

If you don't EVER want kids then you can do whatever you want. But if you DO want kids, it is getting near the end of your opportunity to do so with a good mate.

Ultimately it is YOUR decision for what you want out of life, but you may want to consider this: Some older women (mostly past 30) try to convince younger women to party and not get a good mate early. Why? Because the younger ones are their competition and contribute to preventing the older women from finding a long term mate. They deny biological and statistical facts (not opinions, there is lots of data showing the biology part) because they messed up and made the wrong decisions in life and there is no going back. Time is one of the things in life that can NEVER be regained. Once time is gone/wasted, people have to live with the consequences.

Some women on here (past 30 and some man hating promiscuous feminists) hate me and my opinions, especially the part about biology that I am qualified to teach and it is in educational university text books as well. That really makes them angry, so don't be surprised when some of them hate what I wrote.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

You are you and only you it does not matter what anybody says to you I know you're probably tired of hearing it but you have to just let it go when you are ready you are ready if you are using the excuse of traveling and doing all these other things because you don't have a boyfriend or you can't get a boyfriend or something you have to be honest about that with yourself and say what do you really want if you really want a guy and you really want children then you have to start looking for that you have to become that person 100% you can still always travel you can do a lot of things but always be looking but you have to be honest with yourself first with everything that way everything will come together the way it's supposed to but if you're cheating yourself because of you don't want anybody to know certain things stop it

Okay so in answering your question I can feel you I feel your words very very deeply and now you have me curious about a lot of things I said all the above because of what I feel your words are telling me so I really want to help you figure this out you can DM me you can write it on here but be honest with yourself what do you want

menina · Accepted Answer

Don't listen to them. It's your life and you're free to make your own choices. There's nothing wrong with not having kids. Just do what makes you happy.

Also having children just because you "have to" is a a bad idea. A child should be desired by both parents so they can grow up in a healthy environment.

letuswaltzforthedead · Accepted Answer

You can still travel and have a life as a mother, children will only drain your life if you let them, don't. Many moms still live a life as they did when they were childfree. will it be exactly the same? no, but it can be what you want it to be, maybe even better. It's your life.

MzAsh · Answer

No you’re not wrong, they are. Your priorities are yours and no one else’s. Do what you know you are called to do. Don’t fall for anyone else’s agenda for what they think you “should” be doing.

Jakelyr · Answer

Just depends, do you want to have kids and build a family with a partner?

if so, your time frame for making that happen is getting very tight. Biologically women have a much harsher timer on how long they have to make that choice.

By 30 a woman's body rapidly starts to lose fertility and the risks associated with bearing a child and that child's development increase.

by 45 it's next to impossible to naturally conceive.

if all you want is to travel and enjoy your life, you have every right to do just that.

if you want a family, it's pretty close to now or never.

in the end, what do YOU feel like you will regret more? the loss of your freedom? or the missed opportunity build a family with someone you love.

there is still adoption, though for many that's more of a last resort. still, it's an option if you're not done exploring.

on the other hand. traveling with family can be its own joy. sacrificing your freedom now has the potential for all kinds of opportunities later. plus it's not like it's forever, the little shits do eventually grow up lol. my own mother is out travelling the world right now.

it just depends, what do you want? what will you regret?

Anonymous · Answer

Well honestly that is completely up to you. I will say though that that ship has pretty much almost set sail. Meaning the older you are the chances of meeting someone, getting married then having kids is narrowing down. I’m assuming you don’t have a boyfriend just yet? Maybe I’m wrong but how long would it take to meet someone? A year? 2 years? Taking you into your 30’s, then dating for a while before even considering getting married. Then living the married life together for a while just the two of you to enjoy one another, finally kids. Where’s that land you age wise? Maybe mid 30’s. By than I’m not sure if that would be a good idea. Most men seem to look at younger women who are at that age for ideal motherhood, so chances are your probability of achieving that have gone down a lot. There are some exceptions.

Anonymous · Answer

Women have a certain set of years in which to settle down and have children. It cannot wait. It's an immutable fact. Your body may well demand in a few years that this is the most important thing for you ever.
So a wise woman already has done the preparation. Found herself a good man, life in order, ready for a time when she wants to settle down. You can't leave it too long and rush this. It takes time to get right.
However, it's your life. No-one can demand you do this. Maybe you're different. Maybe you never want children. Live life as a queen, take all the holidays you want and continue to be carefree. It's your life.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

You didn’t say whether or not you were married. You are less than half my age and I don’t have kids, so I can’t throw stones to begin with. And, the world is overpopulated, there are worse things you could do than not have children.

If you’re not married, the last thing you need to do is rush the wrong guy to the altar because you hear the biological clock ticking away and add children to the dysfunctional family.

Tell everyone else to mind their own business.

Reaper1985 · Answer

even if your not ready to start a family yet if you ever plan to so then. would be wise to find a long term partner with in the next few years. so you can spend time getting to know each other before starting a family and life together. since ideally couples should be together 5+ years from marriage and/or children.

Anonymous · Answer

Past 30 your fertility begins to decline, it becomes harder to get pregnant over time and the risk of complications during pregnancy increases.

If you’re sure you don’t want kids then do whatever you like, but if you do want them you should ignore the feminists who tell you that you have all the time in the world.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on if you want kids

Apparently I should be focused to learning to drive, dating and of course the liberal woolly headed debt train of 'experiences'
I can't drive, haven't got the time to date and laugh about not have to care about inflation

Anonymous · Answer

I think people generally have your best interest at heart and maybe they are concerned that you will find yourself suddenly having baby fever and you won't have a good man to do it with and you could end up making poor choices.

erika25 · Answer

It may be late when you change your mind but I think you 35 is also fine to get married and have children. but after 35 it may be late ( it’s my opinion)

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If you WANT to have children SOMETIME in your life, then yes; you should get on that. If you DON'T want to have children EVER in your life, then don't worry about it.

exitseven · Answer

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing if you realize that you have an expiration date and you might age out of the baby business. Life is all about choices.

Avicenna · Answer

No, it's up to you to decide what your priorities are. That said, I'd recommend not waiting until your late 30s to try and settle down and have kids. Early 30s is a good time for that.

Jessica405 · Answer

Do what makes you happy. I am settled with my partner, but I never want kids. Too much of a career girl. Wanna keep travelling? Nothing wrong there!

slatyb · Answer

Do what you want. Do you want to have children at some time? Imagine yourself childless at 50. How does that feel?

Anonymous · Answer

Frankly they are right, you need to act your age.  You are not a man, at least get your eggs frozen

KatherineJ · Answer

Listen, it’s your life! You should do what makes you happy. Don’t worry about what other people think you should do!

Googlemyahoo · Answer

Start getting knocked up by random dudes and then leave your children with the people pushing you. When they complain. What you told me to !

Waldoe · Answer

NOOOO... follow your heart, if LOVE comes into your life, then you will have a choice to make

Twalli · Answer

Do you want kids? You don't need to have kids to have a fulfilling lofe.6

maximumpower · Answer

None of their business. You have until 40 if you WANT to have kids. Make up a few replies if they're jerks about it.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You long should have been settled down and having children by now. Way behind the curve.

888theGreat · Answer

You are the typical selfish 30 and or under female. I would say it is normal today

Marshymallow · Answer

Whatever works for you

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Do you want children?

Dargil · Answer

How about marrying first?

Guy13 · Answer

I would.

MannyFrs · Answer

dont do it!!!

KrakenAttackin · Answer

The fast approaches.

OddBeMe · Answer

No. Ignore them

Are my priorities wrong for my age?

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