Why am I socially anxious if I know I'm interesting and people know I'm intelligent and cultivated?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. I know my worth. People know it too. I can be charismatic around my friends. Why am I so afraid of what people might think?

Updates

+1 y

I know my anxiety is situational. Why am I so inconsistent in my social behavior?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Might just be a lack of exposure. I found bar-hopping very therapeutic for my shyness around strangers. I could have done without the drinking and recommend you do the same; can just order a coffee or tea or some other soft drink.

Yet with bar-hopping, you get to talk to strangers back-to-back sitting next to you. If you aren't clicking with the crowd, you can just hop to the next bar and try again. You generally don't have to worry about ever seeing those people again if things become socially awkward.

It can be really good practice for developing social skills striking up engaging conversations with completely new people all the time.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Can also be a gateway into social connections and even dating. For example, when I first came to Tokyo, I had no friends so I went bar-hopping looking for some.

Then I found myself in a very engaging conversation with a middle-aged man (he was 40s, I was 20s) and we talked for hours. He was an English teacher who owned an English school in Tokyo and had students my age (early 20s).

So he invited me to a barbecue together with his students and introduced me to all of them and they became my first set of friends in Tokyo. Also I got my first date and girlfriend through them by asking one of the girls out who was studying English under him.

[Asker]

I am not anxious with stranger. I get very comfortable around them because I don't need their validation. I can easily forget their rejection. I am anxious with those people I don't know so well and who, for example, saw me doing something embarrassing in 9th grade. I worry that my present self would not prove them wrong

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I see, still in the realm of acquaintances. In those cases, I think most therapeutic is to not see it as a big deal to prove them wrong. I think the saying, "Don't give a damn what others think," is a bit too extreme if interpreted literally, but it does help to avoid giving a damn about what others think who aren't your allies and loved ones.

[Asker]

To be more precise, not to prove them that the gossip and myths told to them by their friends are true

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I can understand the concern about reputation. But if you live true to yourself and form good allies (being able to make friends easily among strangers helps with this), then their gossiping shouldn't affect the perception of those you care about.

[laly520]

social anxiety is ok

but if it will start being an obstacle then u gotta get it handled