Society & Politics

Now that Trump has deregulated Education, should we start schools to teach the REAL American HISTORY?

My version of history goes like this:

In the beginning, before 1492, God created America. It was replete with peaceful and harmonious forests that hummed gently with the vibes of a million Native drum circles. Then, one day, a man named Christopher Cuddleboat arrived—he had an overwhelming desire to play drums and be at one with nature and the natives. He was like, “Let’s start a book club!” and the locals, slightly confused but polite, nodded in agreement.

As the colonies were founded, the Pilgrims wanted a place where everyone could hold hands and sing folk songs without being judged for being gay. They built Plymouth Rock with only the softest, most ethically sourced bricks. Thanksgiving was a vegetarian feast, where turkeys were invited too, as guests.

By the 1770s, when King George sent over some sternly worded letters, American men sent a series of strongly worded letters, and finally King George said, "Ok I love you so much, be free."

The 1800s brought Manifest Destiny, a national road trip to make even more new friends of different cultures and expand the communal garden. Covered wagons were filled with heirloom seeds, patchouli oil, and dreams of neighborhood potlucks stretching coast to coast.

Then came the "Civil War," an emotionally charged family meeting. Abraham Lincoln didn’t want anyone to fight; he just wanted people to get along. “Can't we all just... share black people with each other?"

The 20th century was a whirlwind of love-fueled adventures: two World Hugs, in which America went on a worldwide campaign to hug everyone in Europe, and a Cold War that mostly involved passing notes under the desk to the USSR asking, “Do you like us? Circle yes, no, or maybe.”

Now, in the modern age, America continues its tradition of spreading peace through global playlists, inspirational memes, and a big Teddy Bear to represent our unequivocal love.

Group hug
Group hug
Now that Trump has deregulated Education, should we start schools to teach the REAL American HISTORY?
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