What if in order for it to be a news story, it actually has to have happened?

I just got a TiVo and I'm excited to record some of the upcoming events. Does anyone know what time the war between the US and Canada starts on Saturday? Oh, and I just put 50 bucks down on Greenland for Sunday! Was the Panama war canceled? Is Trump still winning the Venezuelan war?

Example: how many fucking news stories did MSNBC print about the border patrol whipping the Haitians?
What if in order for it to be a news story, it actually has to have happened?
What if in order for it to be a news story, it actually has to have happened?
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