Why do so many people still defend abusers and stay on their side?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Because their own parents were either abusive or absent when their care was needed. They hate to admit it because admitting it makes them feel betrayed and suicidal. So, acknowledging your abuse is reminiscent of their own pains and to feel empathy means to feel pain, they prefer to keep repressing it, in order to do that they have to shut you down. I remember being a kindergartener and if i tried to complain to mom about father's or brother's extreme physical violence she would yell at me for complaining. While it is all because her own dad left when she was little and she had to parent her younger sister so she repressed a lot of emotions, i must not excuse her, i must blame her and grieve it, or else my nervous system will consider her as a good example to follow, and i will be defending real abusers finding their own pains as excuses for their actions. There is no in between. Any neglect and repression is child abuse. And all adult abuse comes from shit parenting.

[Asker]

Can I message you? Would like to share something. Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Go ahead

[choco-latte]

In what context? If they are clear abusers? Because they are just as shitty as those people then.

[Asker]

As in people don’t really believe survivors etc tend to downplay the toxicity of abusers

[choco-latte]

I think it’s a difficult subject, I don’t think we should blindly accuse someone without evidence but neither blindly believe them. I think the law should step in and do its thing, and people can makeup their mind about the case based on evidence presented.

As for downplaying toxicity, yeah unfortunately some people downplay or don’t think it’s a big deal. People can be very biased.

[Asker]

But in a lot of cases of abuse there’s no clear cut evidence

It’s behind closed doors where there are few witnesses

[choco-latte]

Yeah, I know. That’s why I don’t think there should be blind trust. You can make up your own mind based on what you THINK happened taking all the factors into consideration, but only the accuser and accused will ever know the truth for sure.

[Asker]

But how will the victim ever get justice when no one believes them

[There_Is_Rehab]

Stop focusing so much on what can or cannot be proven in the court. Even killing the abuser will not heal anyone. You know what acceptance means, right? Accepting your own feelings. No matter what caused them, your feelings are always, always, always valid. The problem is that people confuse the spillover for original feelings that are suppressed. All irrational feelings are a result of repression. If you blame an innocent man for abuse, it's 100% because the real abuser in your childhood never got blamed, you are displacing it. Even seemingly immoral people who willingly blame us for their own problems, do so out of fear because they were abused. I think all intentional wrongdoing is a result of their unintentional mistakes being punished. Plus general lack of care.

[DirtyOldMan777]

Democrats do that.