In first year. I'm constantly crying and I can't cope with the work. I'm currently ill because of it. Its the only thing I have in my life and it is not going well. I feel like giving up. Its so demanding and it frustrates me how I am not on top of things. My life sucks and I am suicidal. I just don't know why I am alive. It does not make sense. I've never had a boyfriend, I'm always lonely. I don't get out much so why am I on the earth. I don't offer anything to anyones life. I feel like I should be gone for good. Wish I had the guts. So many times I've thought of tieing my scarf around my neck and tieing it to the lampshade. I feel lifeless and so worthless. I'm always depressed. I hate feeling so empty and alone. I feel like no one is there for me.