Why do people play mind games instead of act how they feel?

Question

Why can't people just say what they feel? For me, it's fun to be playful and flirty but playing games is just immature.

Give me your opinion on this stuff!:)

For instance I texted the guy I like "are you back in town? should I be welcoming you?!:)" and my friends said it was over the top and desperate! But he's our friend plus he said he made me something for my birthday, so why can't I show him that I'm happy he's returning?

JohnScofield · Accepted Answer

Flirting and having fun is one thing, games are another.

The PRIMARY reason people play games is immaturity. They are afraid of getting hurt, they don't want to be seen as vulnerable, and they can't handle the truth very well. They are just immature. Sadly most don't grow out of that.

If you have a little confidence and maturity you should be able to tell people what you think and why. Now you also need to be smart about it. If you are totally crushing on a guy and you say "I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES!" that will probably scare any sane guy away. However to say "hey I would like to have coffee sometime" would be just fine. If he rejects, he rejects, move on. If he accepts, who knows what could happen. (Using the above as an example.)

the worst games to me however are the breakup games. Instead of being truthful people say stupid things like "Ummm this is about me not you." Or "we can be friends." or whatever. The intent is not to hurt someone, but the result is usually to hurt them worse.

I could go on, but I will spare you!

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

I think you are a good communicator. Games allow people to protect themselves and avoid insecurity issues. They want you to play games because they think that you can protect yourself and gain a upper hand in the relationship by being aloof, distant, etc.

For some people relationships or establishing relationships is about establishing a position of power that makes them feel like they are controlling the situation. It is immature and insensitive to approach relationships this way. Honest, intimate, foward communication will always reap the greatest relationships.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your approach and it is admirable that despite having some negative influences you choose the mature path.

nhardin289 · Accepted Answer

I think you are looking too much into it. women do tend to over analyze, its in our dna, we can't help it. just go with the flow. I have friends that tell me I act desperate too. But if the guy felt that way too, he'd back off. This guy I dated and we broke up and I"m trying to reconnect with, I still talk to. we exchance flirty texting and just have conversation. I asked him when we were going to meet up because he came back from out of town from the holidays. He asked me when I was free. its simple. if he did feel like I was desperate, he would have either not responded or told me he wasn't sure and just play it by ear. but he didn't. he asked me what my schedule was like. so just go with the flow. IF a guy likes you, he'll go out of his way to contact you and hang out with you. IF a guy acts like he doesn't give a sh*t, he geniuely doesn't give a sh*t. Also, they like the chase. just be casual.

dartmai · Accepted Answer

People who play mind games are usually people who are insecure and need to be reassure they're the most wonderful thing God created . They seek for some kinda empowerment of the person that likes them to boost their ego and so that they can feel good about themselves. Mind game could only stop if one opens up and lose pride, and confess how they feel for the other person. From that point on this person may stop playing mind games and tell you he really did like you or apologize and tell you he was sorry to make you think eh was showing signs he/she likes you. To be sincere and blunt is the way to go. You can never go wrong with that and you'lld efi know whether you are wasting your time or not. But even I'm having trouble to approach the guy I like and tell him I like him, ahaha.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

immaturity, insecurity, fear of losing independence being single, ego boost, and wanting to feel in control due to lack of self confidence. its sad really because some people can get so lost in games that they lose the one person that couldve been the one for them. I liked this one guy with all my heart and he kept twirling the string for years and I finally cut the cord and walked away. he was never gonna give me a chance, be a real man and take me out on a nice dinner, and now he lost me. hope he's having fun talking to 4995858 different girls. and goes home feeling lonely at night.

animalwithin · Answer

I'm going through something similar with a girl haha. I'm very  open and direct, not desperate mind you. Something like what you texted is what I would say. Why can't people express how thy really feel? In short, they're afraid of bein hurt. Expressing how you really feels takes vulnerability which exposes you to the potential of experiencing pain and hurt, kind of like what me and you are feeling right now. It's a sh*tty feeling that most don't want to feel and after experiencing it many times we become defensive and don't want to express how we really feel. Instead we hide our feelings behind games to conceal our true emotions. Couple this with the courting ritual of not wanting to come off as desperate and needy, you get how most people communicate. There is nothing wrong with what you texted your guy, if he takes that as desperate, then you deserve a better guy.

Inq100 · Answer

I am wondering about that too. I cannot understand the concept of mind games. People seem to refer a lot to the practice here and on dating sites. I cannot seem to find a well-accepted definition of the "mind game"

To answer the other questions:

Some people are afraid to show their true feelings because they think they'll appear weak.

Your text message in the example is perfectly valid. It's a little straightforward. It seems just a little bit funny, in my opinion. It may also appear playful. My response would probably be short, possibly playful.

I see nothing wrong in expressing your emotions this way. By the way, did you get any reply from him?

SDj-9 · Answer

I like that text you sent. It don't like when someone play that kind of games. It's not cool to do that, what did your friend had in mind? A simple hey, are you back in town? that look like you were forced to text him, or even to not text at all? That's just lame. I would be so glad to get that kind of text from  someone. It shows that you care, and want to see him. What's so bad about it? Why would you look desperate if you like someone...  Anyways I don't know when this "mind games" thingy started, but in my opinion, it has more effect in driving people apart, than it has in pulling them closer to each other.

Steelcore1085 · Answer

When a girl plays mind games with me (which unfortunately happens a lot), I just stop going after them because it is truly a waste of my own time when I could spend it on someone else who truly likes me for me and won't play mind games with me.

I absolutely hate it when people play mind games with me, and it seems like most people play mind games these days! Very few people are even straightforward on stuff like this! It annoys me when a girl plays with my head and doesn't mean what she says and does!

One of the reasons why I gave up on pursuing a relationship!

Konnour · Answer

Because people are afraid that if they'll show their real feelings, then THE OTHER person will start playing mind-games to them! Openness leads to vulnerability and caring less equals more power.

Jaden69 · Answer

What you said was completely normal and not over the top. I'd welcome back a friend too if he/she was close to me even if they didn't make me something for my birthday.

PhilaPenn · Answer

You should say what you mean. But be prepared for the guy to do the same. Most men usually do, but it may not always be the response you want

bDizzie · Answer

Your friends are giving you bad advice, there's nothing desperate with that text!

DesiVega · Answer

If said friend was female she likes him and was/is jealous that your "flirting" with him.,

asianfreak · Answer

Lots of people are nervous about or are unwilling to just be themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

Bcoz we are social and at times self-centred, we play mind games sometimes for the benefit of others.

JennyBenny318 · Answer

I always say how I feel. I hate mind games.

ADVISER-MAN · Answer

Because they are cowards I guess.

Why do people play mind games instead of act how they feel?

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