How do you know your sexual orientation?

[Anonymous]

I know to some people, the question sounds really dumb, like I'm asking how do I know my eye color or something pretty obvious, but I'm confused and I need help. I'm 17, and feel like my social life is pretty messed up. I've never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, never done anything sexual, never had a relationship that was anything more than friendship. Like most young kids, I'd have little crushes, and they were mostly on guys, but I can remember also being attracted to girls (since around 8). I don't really have "crushes" now that I'm older, but I find that physically I'm more drawn to girls. With guys, there are some that I'm attracted to, but most of them (99.9%) of them are just kind of there. Like I said, because my experience with relationships and sex sucks its not like I can say I prefer dating one gender or prefer sleeping with one. I'm also in kind of a dilemma, because I don't know what I want it's not like I can really date, so I feel like I'm kinda hopeless. This is also kind of my only outlet for advice. I know gay people, even have a good friend of mine whose gay, but I'm too embarrassed to admit that I've never had any kind of relationship. I'm also kind of ugly, so I know they're just gonna be thinking that no one would want me anyway. I also feel like I can't go to my straight friends, because most of them are girls, and there's no way they would get it. I wish they would, but I don't want it to be weird. Help?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I more or less define my sexual orientation based on who I am physically attracted to. So far it's only been toward women, so I'd say that makes the answer pretty much straightforward. (No pun intended, really.) But yeah, I'd say that more or less defines me as heterosexual.

I know sexual orientation can hard. Sure, usually it's pretty simple. Observe which sex turns you on, and if it's the opposite sex, you're likely completely straight, if it's the same sex, you're likely gay. If it's both, then that generally makes you bisexual or bicurious. I would assume that the distinction is that bicurious people generally prefer one gender, and are curious about exploring their sexuality towards another.

There are also curveballs out there, like sexual attraction to transgenders. For example male to female transsexuals and female to male as well. Plus that whole area is one long sliding scale, or in other cases it's like a four dimensional chart. Craziness. It's complicated and I don't think it necessarily applies here. (Though feel free to correct me if you disagree.)

Yeah, I don't know necessarily how to solve your problem. I guess you could try it my way, but somehow I don't think that would help. Honestly, if I were to guess, I'd say you're probably bisexual, or homosexual with some bicurious tendencies. It's difficult to say.

You are only 17 though. So don't feel too bad if you haven't had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't feel bad if you're also struggling with these kinds of things. Sexuality is not easy for everybody to sort out. Especially if it's not heterosexual. So many people have problems wrestling with that, because I hear to a lot of people in that situation, they don't know who to talk to about this, and it can leave one feeling pretty alone. Talking it out could help, and I guess that's the problem. Who with?

As for you being ugly, I don't know what to say about that. I suppose I could start by telling you, it's probably nowhere near as bad as you think. I've found that people are generally their worst critics, and that kinda goes doubly for girls. Good god the complexes that some women develop, it's astonishing.

Still, looks aren't everything. I should know. I'm certainly no prize, but I've never had any trouble getting women. Furthermore, I've known plenty of others in a similar place. My girlfriend has this friend who if I am being honest, I wouldn't call pretty. Plus she's overweight, and has a case of man hands. However, she's never single for longer than a month. Her relationship ends, a new one could very well start next week. It's like guys are all over her. So believe me when I tell you, personality counts for a lot.

I'm not sure if any of this was any help to you, but I tried.

Best of luck to you.

(Oh and if you need to talk to me some more, feel free to send me a PM)

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're bisexual.

Even before I started dating or having sex, there was never any doubt in my mind that I was heterosexual, even before puberty. I never felt drawn to men. So I've always 'known'. It felt truly instinctive.

I think most people don't change their sexual orientation once they start dating, and if they do, it's usually from straight to gay or bi.

[justyouraveragegal17]

Ik exactly what you're going through, I definitely went through the same thing. You just kinda know if ya like the same gender or not and ya don't technically have to like one or the other, I like both. Girls more, just like you most guys are just kinda there, sure they're cute, but they don't do much for me. I'm pretty positive you aren't ugly, don't say that girl! Can you see yourself kissing or dating a girl, who are you more comfortable with, who do you think you'd be more comfortable with if you where to have a sexual interaction? You may never had a boy or a girl, but test out the waters don't close your mind off to one gender or the other. If ya have an opportunity to date a girl ya like/feel comfortable with, do it, same with a guy. I can help you with any other questions about it if ya have any :) good luck and hope I helped somewhat

[LoriQ]

You sound pretty cool! What would you think of me? I'm a male to female transsexual. I never had the operation but I live as a female. I'm in the process of changing my name legally and then change my name on other documents. I am only attracted to biological females. I consider myself translesbian.

[justyouraveragegal17]

That's different but super cool! I completely believe people can be born in the wrong body and be attracted to people like that. I'd say embrace who you are and have fun with it. You do what you want. You actually found super cool! One of my best friends is a transgender:) do you want to have the operations?

[smalls1995]

Well, I'm straight, but I was confused about things. I never felt super attracted to guys. I liked them, but I never felt sexually attracted to them you could say, if that makes sense? Not until I actually did things with guys did I realize I was definitely straight, mostly because I never felt those urges towards girls and the feeling it gave me when I was with the guy made it obvious. I think you can't always get a good grasp of your feelings unless you put them to action. I'm not saying be a total slut or anything, I'm just saying find a guy/girl you find attractive and see where it leads you. It will be so much clearer once you do!

[Anonymous]

I know I'm straight because as I can admire other girls being gorgeous, I'm not actually attracted to them in the same sexual way I am with guys. Just explore, there's nothing wrong with liking boys or girls.

[LoriQ]

I was wondering if you would be attracted to a m-f transsexual that hasn't had the operation or if you know anyone that would be? I'm not asking for me because I know you are only 17. I was just asking in general.

[Asker]

I'm actually 18 now so it's okay lol. To be honest, and this is going to sound pretty messed up so I'm sorry, I could be attracted to a mtf transsexual/transgender if she looked like a woman. Some mtf are really beautiful, hell some look like they could be models for Victoria's Secret, and I do find them attractive, but that's because they look like women.

[LoriQ]

What is your opinion about me? Do you think I'm attractive?

[Anonymous]

If you're a girl that like vagina and penis, you're bisexual. No problem