He's a very laid back, quiet guy....how to deal with him?

I've been dating this guy for about 7 weeks now, we met when I got his number and we texted and agreed to meet up. During the first couple of weeks, we went on about 2 - 3 dates a week, then I stayed at his one weekend and then again a few days later, we didn't have sex but we fooled around a bit. There's definitely chemistry between us and we get on really well too. We were both due to go on holiday (separately) which overlapped so we wouldn't see each other for a while and when I asked if he wanted to meet up when he got back, he said yeah but that he was gonna be busy with work and that we'd text each other, he said that I'll come to realize just how busy he gets. (When we first met he said he gets really busy with work because he works for himself) so I thought "oh well if its meant to be, then we'll see what happens when we get back". So it was about 2 weeks later and when I knew he was back home I got in touch to see how his holidays were and we texted just catching up so I left it and waited for him, a few days later he texted saying he'd missed me so we met up. I stayed at his and we just cuddled and watch TV and then he asked when he'd see me again so we decided the weekend, when we got to his he pretty much pounced on me so we fooled around for a bit, then cuddled and later on we got passionate again and then we ended up having sex which was amazing. The next day we went out and about for the day holding hands and he said he'd text me to meet up. I waited a good 5 days for him to contact me and he said he'd been really busy with work etc so I asked if he had much on this weekend (it was my subtle hint) but he's away this weekend and asked if I had much on so I decided to ask if he wanted to meet up when he got back and he said yes, when he got back if I was still up for it.

When we're together he's really affectionate, we cuddle all of the time and he's always kissing my hand or my face. The thing is he is really laid back - the most laid back person I've ever met, and he's quite shy as well, really quite a quiet guy, so I'm not sure if we're boyfriend and girlfriend and we don't text very often - maybe every few days and especially so when we're about to meet up. I know its only early in the relationship but I need some advice...does it seem like its going well and how can I go about getting a bit more communication between us? Especially because he is so laid back. I have been testing him (its wrong to play games I know) but I've left it up to him the past few times to contact me which he has, so that must count for something?

Anyway any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I see a couple of things that you can do here. First I just want to say, if you wanted a commitment from him and didn't want to get hurt,you should have waited to have sex until after you talked (or brought it up, what his intentions were when things were getting heated). I know it is hard, but it is for the best for yourself.

    Of course that did not happen this time. It does seem that he likes you, but you weren't clear on your boundaries from the beginning... so... at this point, you could continue to do nothing and keep seeing him, and try to do your own thing, meet other people, etc. This would be hard, because it is clear you want to have more with him.

    Or, you can talk to him now before your feelings get stronger. Be upfront. Tell him you have grown to like him a lot and you are at a point where you don't want to see anyone else (not that you have been, but you don't know if he is) and ask him if he is wanting the same thing... and go from there. I hope things work out.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I am bloke definitely laidback and crazy... kinda trouble in the rave scene and get talking to girls and never seem to have time for a commited relationship, cos I lke MySpace 'belongs' to me... yes girls... we don't need your constant questions about what's on our minds every 2 seconds... do you reallyb want to know!!!


What Girls Said 3

  • I don't think there's anything to worry about. He's just a quieter guy and that's just how he's going to be. If you want more communication, just tell him how you feel and that you understand that he's busy , but he can throw in a text or a 2 min phone call to you daily. And also, it's still pretty early in your relationship, so I'm sure over time he'll open up to you even more and not be so quiet and laid back. It just takes time.

  • Hi I'm in exactly the same situation now... How did you approach it. How did it work out? x

    • My guy is totally laid back and busy but he makes time. He checks on me periodically and when he was ready for commitment, I was told... not even asked lol. He expressed wanting to be exclusive when he was ready. He also expressed what he was bringing to the table long term. Then when he was ready to move in together, he spoke up. No matter if a guy is out going or laid back, they know what they want and have no issue expressing it when time comes.

  • My guy is shy & laid back & has a really crazy busy schedule. He texts me good morning (every) single morning and calls before bed (every night) even if we only talk for 5 minutes. Now that you have had sex with him (before) defining the relationship (a big No No), he has no motivation to trat you as a girlfriend.

    If he wants you as his lady (whether he is laid back or shy) he WILL make the effort. If your always making the effort & he is always saying that he's real busy then he just isn't into you. People make time for what they want & consider important. Time for you to move on.

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