Girlfriend Wants To Be Friends, Then Doesn't Contact?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. When we broke up she really wanted to be friends after it. A week ago I got the feeling she might want to talk or get back together so I called her and brought it up last Saturday. We talked for about an hour, but she still wasn't sure what she wanted to do. So I said have a good night, let her go to bed.

She texted me on Monday asking how my day was going. I said okay and asked about her day. She replied and that was it. Now she hasn't contacted me at all this week, even though we have both been online at the same time for an hour or two. What kind of friend is that to not even say hello after a week of no talking?

My stance right now is to not contact her first and let her reach out to me. She broke up with me and I don't want to look lame begging her to come back. So now I'm just really confused.

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+1 y

She just texted me after a week of no talking. I don't know what to say or if I should reply.

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+1 y

Still confused. She contacted me, ask how I was doing, how was work. I answered and didn't ask anything more to her. We talked online and she says she needs to be alone for now and for a while.

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+1 y

She wants to keep in touch and catch up every so often. I'm going to continue my idea of not contacting her. Maybe in a month or two I'll try and reconnect if I still feel it's worth it.

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+1 y

As much as I like and love her I don't think I can just casually catch up or be friends. My feelings of wanting more will always be there for her. Hopefully in time she'll miss me and realize what she gave up when she gets her own situation worked out.

[SetsunaYuy4]

I'm going through the same thing bro. She doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now so I'm like hey whatever...you know where to find me when you're ready but don't expect me to put my life on hold for you. Because let's face it she's not putting her life on hold for me or saying eventually she'll want me back...so why the hell should I? Of course I love her and I said I would wait on her but I'm not going to expect her to come back to me. Sometimes it's better to face reality and not expect things...be prepared for the opposite. That's all I can tell you. Not saying this to be mean or hurtful but yeah...she wants you and she loves you but she's probably going through some personal stuff...maybe getting over an ex or something..just don't talk to her period. Let her call you...and when she's ready she'll either IM, Text, or call you and that's when you know for sure she misses you. So far she texted you so you definitely know. Just let her keep pursuing you. Eventually your relationship will become whole again. Have faith but don't be obsessive about getting back with her or you'll be pushing her away. Any kind of communication after she asks to be friends and she doesn't contact you to attempt to make the friendship work CAN and WILL push her away. With her not contacting you shows she still wants to be with you its just that she doesn't know how to act or be a friend to a guy she likes so she comes up with excuses and activities to keep herself busy while she ponders on the fact. I mean just because a girl is out having fun with her girlfriends doesn't mean she's not thinking about you. Activities and outings with friends surpresses the pain of leaving you and the thought of knowing and seeing you in pain.

[Asker]

I can definitely relate. That's exactly what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling as much as it sucks to keep moving on with my life.

[ashleyboydell92]

That is so true! just because we're out with our friends or whatever, we're still thinking about you! that's what my I'm doing/had to do to help myself get over him first, then try to be friends with him again. we're kinda both not contacting each other. our break up was mutual. but I'm still always thinking about him... there's times when I'm thinking 'i wanna get back with him...' and then.. 'um.. no I dont' lol... << that's the confusing part!! its hard to just make a decision just like that

[Jacobsonnn]

@ashleyboydell92 I kinda am in the same place, I want her back and I feel that she's in the place you are, what should I do?

[donche]

Dude, here is the thing. She broke up with you most likely because she lost interest in you romantically. Yes, you should stay friends, but initially you need to let the breakup take its course. In other words, you still want her and at this point you can't be just friends. You have to break off contact with her so that both of you can clear your heads. No, this is not a "game", this is wise. If you keep talking to you, she'll keep using you as friend material (just to chat, listen to her problems, whatever). She needs time to realize that you are quality, and she can't do that with you always talking. While you're not talking to her (wait at least 30 days), you need to be improving yourself, getting confidence back, doing exciting things. There's a lot more to it than this, but at this moment she isn't interested in you like you are in her. You need to assume command of your life again (right now she has all the power). Don't do this to be manipulative, do it because you owe it to yourself to move forward.

[ashleyboydell92]

hey, this is weird because I'm in a very similar position as you but I'm a girl. I'm sure our situation is different depending on how each of us got together, personalities mutual/non mutual friends.. and how long each of us have been together. But this little part right here is the very similar He's acting totally weird, I walk in one room and he walks out the other, he doesn't talk to me at all eventhough we have mutual friends.. so I'm just as confused as you are. I think what your ex-gf needs and my ex-bf needs is some space and time to 'think it over' or get over it. It is kinda hard to go from 'gf/bf to friends'.

it sounds to me like she's avoiding you which means she's either scared/confused about her feelings, or is trying to get over you by doing so. I suggest in the meantime, you move on too. I believe that if two people really like/love (which ever..) each other, then they will make a concious effort to make the relationship work. it takes 2 to make a relationship work, not 1.. I hope this helps :)

[Asker]

That helps a lot. I am getting the same feeling that you mentioned from her that she is either scared or confused about her feelings and how I'll react when she does contact me after our last talk. On the other hand she could be not talking to me to try and help get over it. Both make sense, I just wish I knew which it was and where she stood so I could do what I need to do.

I still love her and want to get back together, but I'll take your advice and continue to move on and do my own thing

[Asker]

I also wanted to tell you good luck in your situation. I agree, space and time will eventually tell what they are thinking even if it sucks now.

[ashleyboydell92]

Thanks. I hope everything works out for you :)

[imdatingagain]

You are right when you said you need to not contact her first. When anyone is breaking up with someone whether it be a male or female, it's natural and easier to say "I still want to be friends". It makes the deed less painful, although, I will say that some people truly mean well. I also think she may be contacting you on her own time, when it's convenient for her. If she wants to get back together she will let it be known. Otherwise, be weary of her "trying to keep you around" as another option. Let her contact you, and in the mean time, get out and have fun so you don't dwell on her.

[Roshell2009]

Wow! I think trying to be a friend to someone you once loved takes time. I would just let her know I am here if you ever need a friend and end it.

If she calls and you are availabe, chat if you want. Just remember she asked for time, and she might need time.

To know a Man you once loved thought about you enough to send a card, or a hello email is sweet. Its really your call, she will let you know by her actions or lack there of if she wants a relationship with you again.

Hope this helps, Good Luck

[mylezylez]

Yeah, I went through this too. The absolute honest truth is probably that it's OVER, and all these little communications are the remnants of your relationship. After all, you guys deeply cared about each other, and still want to see the other healthy and happy. It's VERY VERY hard to detach those emotions...sometimes it takes a long time. You are still really young; it seems like EVERYONE goes through at least one big breakup in their late teens to early 20's. These are lessons that most people have to learn the hard way.

But regardless of the ultimate outcome, you need to move on. If you have close friends, go out with them as much as you possibly can. Maybe have a fling or two. There's nothing wrong with shorter-term relationships. And again, whatever ends up happening between you and your ex, you'll seem more attractive and confident to her by moving on.

[jaspppylvr]

I don't think "just been friends" is a good idea cause once some one falls into that sycle of friends is like we friends but why you not tlkg to me and that's were you start calling nd txt you kinda get desperate and waht you do is push her away even more like your case.



My advice tlk to her wen she comes around but sometimes wen she's does just ignore her or be busy and just for that shell come around again because now is vise versa

[JerseyGirl25]

She's not interested .. I suggest you move on and let the past be the past

[Asker]

I know my judgment is probably skewed right now, but that's not the vibe I'm getting. It's very possible and if that is what's going on I'll soon find out. Thanks for the answer.