My partner is receiving naked photos of other women, is he cheating?

[Anonymous]

I accidentally came across photos on his computer of naked women. My fear is that he is encouraging it. I know he would never physically cheat but does this class as emotional cheating? If it was standard porn I would not care. I'm unsure whether to confront him as he is going to focus on the fact he thinks I was snooping. Please give me your thoughts!

Updates

+1 y

They are photos girls have sent to his phone then he has transferred them to his computer... My dilemma is that does me breaking his trust outway him receiving these... Or should I discover them accidentally in front of him?

[Salad-Barbarian]

My advice hinges on what you mean by "on the computer" and the nature of the photos.

First did you find these pics in his email? All it takes is putting your email address up on the wrong site or opening the wrong email to end up with spam porn. I don't know of any filter that works 100% of the time so that wouldn't be his fault.

If the pics are in his history then he could either be clicking on links that get redirected or he could be actively looking for them. If he's actively looking for porn then you should tell him that you found by accident that he's been visiting sites that make you uncomfortable. Tell him how these photos make you feel.

Second involves just what sort of pics these are. Could they be artistic nudes? You say that you wouldn't care if it was standard porn. What is it about these photos that disturbs you? Are they depicting some sort of fetish? Just as above you should talk to him about it. Ask him in a non-accusatory way to explain these pics to you. Tell him that you want to understand why he likes them.

But if you think he is in contact with the women in the photos then it's a whole different problem.

First try to find out if he is really in contact with these women. Check his history. Is he contacting them or are they finding him? What might he be contacting these women for? Try to find evidence before you say anything to him.

Second The upside of looking is that you will either have something to confront him with that he can't deny or you'll find he's faithful to you. The downside is that either way you will be guilty of snooping. He will throw that in your face if he's guilty. But if innocent you would have broken his trust.

[Salad-Barbarian]

As you said originally you found these by accident so you didn't really break his trust there. However you have broken his trust by keeping your discovery a secret. Pretending to find them in front of him would make it worse.

Tell him what you found and how you found it. If he asks why you waited so long to say anything about it tell him the truth (which as far as I can tell is that you were upset and confused). More deception is not the answer. He needs to come clean with why he has these pics.

[setcheck67]

Sounds to me that he is simply getting the picture from a pornography site. If that is indeed the case then you shouldn't be all that worried about it.

[airiver]

I agree with Anonymous! I would be very uncomfortable if my guy was receiving pics! You should absolutely confront him. Why in the world would he be accepting these pics. He's saving them on his computer...Or at least not deleting them. Very personal and why would he take the risk that you could find out? If they were/are no big deal perhaps he should have let you know about them. Curious how many pics there are and how long he's be getting them? You say he would never "physically cheat", and you may be right, sorry, but that's a statement said by a bunch of us that have been cheated on. Best of luck. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

It only matters if your uncomfortible with it. but understand it isn't like porn in the way that he is talking to these girls it's a small step from swaping pictures to cheating. With porn it isn't personal with picture it can become personal fast.

If your worried ask himk not to exchange pics with girls porn is fine and a part of life but you don't like the idea of a chick sending him pics that make it sound like your more worried about the girls and doesn't get his back up thinking you think he's cheating

[airiver]

To me it still doesn't matter. Why does he want these pics...He should buy a playboy or something...How you tell him is up to you...You are worried about breaking his trust? Do what you're most comfortable with, which is likely the discover in front of him by accident, but confront him about it and get some dialog going about what he's been up to...Cheers!