In continuation, is it my fault or is my ex-boyfriend really that heartless?
Like the anonymous user asked, I have a question too.
Breaking up with my first boyfriend, he makes me feel like I'm wholly responsible for this breakup because I bitched about him to my mum when he hurt me such as calling me moderately obese or insulting my best friend and calling her a slut, banning her from going to the ball because he was going and if she went, her boyfriend would have to go and he hates her boyfriend because he thinks my best friend's boyfriend is a player. my ex is desensitised and heartless but it's not due to a cheating girlfriend. it could be because of hardship in the past - he was bullied because of his acne scars. the thing is - I would never cheat, during our 6 months of going out - I never cheated. and not only that, I saw beyond his acne scars. I loved him.
not only that, I am an extremely open person. once you get to know me, I am a person who can be read as easily as a book. I am also affectionate and really like pleasing people. however, like my ex, I am insecure and selfish at times. I never felt beautiful in my life. and when I can't handle something, I go to my mum because I trust her the most. however, while he has insecurities, he is the narcissistic person ever. he is narrow-minded and calls my mum "your slut" and "not a woman" because my mother had an operation where they removed her uterus. I just wonder how someone can be so heartless. misunderstand people so readily. and how he can hate the world so much. Is it my fault? did I trigger this or has it festered there since he was young?
Oh I don't know! I wish I did.
I met a guy in January, and I thought he wanted a relationship...I wasn't actually that interested to start with, then I fell for him. He did tell me a few weeks in that he didn't want a relationship cos he had been with someone for 4 years, and he was moving to the states for 2 years.He thought he was ready, but he said he didn't give himself enough time to get over it.
It torments me. He just moved to America, and I am having a really hard time moving forward. But he just isn't ready, he built up a wall, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break it down. But who knows what the future holds. We became best friends, and if it happens it happens.
Just give a guy time. Whatever happens happens. But I feel pretty let down, so I am probably not gonna let any guy in now! I feel too vulnerable, just like these hurt guys. I guess it's the human condition.
This is not just a male phenomenon, I know plenty of women who do this too. It's because breakups wound people emotionally and it takes them time to recover and they don't always give themselves the space and time they need to properly heal so they move on too quickly and have misplaced anger they take out in all the wrong places and ways. It's because they either don't have the emotional maturity to deal with what happened or they haven't given themselves what they need to get over it so they recreate the trauma over and over until it's finally dealt with. As for why people don't give second chances, it's usually not the best idea. It's hard to recreate trust once it's broken and if your instincts are usually telling you something was a mistake, why do it again? I think it's hard for anyone to forgive and move on, but if it's the right thing to do, than obviously one has to get over their own hangups.
We close our hearts because we don't want to be hurt again. The treating girls like crap has nothing to do what our ex-girlfriend did. We don't assume all girls are the same, just because ONE girl did something.
So if ONE girl that I love suddenly f***s me over, I don't assume all girls are like that. The first girl I ever loved was a liar. She lied about so many things, and I was seriously upset when I found out. She thought honesty was useless. That doesn't mean I wonder all the time if a girl is lying to me or not.
Eventually, guys who close their hearts, eventually open up. It just takes time. We have to feel it's safe. We have to be comfortable. And sometimes it won't just happen on its own. YOU have to make it happen. YOU have to make us feel safe. YOU have to assure us that you won't hurt us, and only then will we open up.
And I say we, because I'm also like that. Although my heart's not broken, it's closed due to all of the girls who take advantage of how caring I can be.
As for the treating like crap thing, it's to do with our experience with girls as a whole. There are A LOT of f***ed up girls out there. But it's not their fault. I can't blame them, nor can anyone else. It's just the way they are. Just how most guys will always be jack-asses who sleep around with multiple girls all the time, girls will always be attention-seeking stuck-ups who feed on the attention of nice guys who give a damn. Both sides get p*ssed at the other for doing what they do, but hey - what're you gonna do? It's just the way it is.
Men aren't heartless, just conditioned.
We were taught that it was weak to show emotions so we toughened up.
We are faced with rejection and most have learned to cope with it.
When a couple breaks up, it is assumed that it was a guy's fault. Even if she broke up with him. My ex cheated on her boyfriend with me and she pursued me but I was the bad guy for breaking them up. She told all of them it was her fault and they still blamed me. Where was the sympathy when she cheated on me with him?
Anyone can pick up baggage from past relationships. Despite being cheated on in the past, I didn't bring those into a new relationship. Probably because I had confidence and feel that each relationship is different than the next. They are two random things with very little in common with the next.
And I wouldn't give an ex another chance. I put up with way too much and have been faulted for waiting to hit the eject button mere moments before impacting the ground. I bottle the feelings up until I just say it's over and there is nothing to go back to. Don't get me wrong, I will try and fix problems instead of letting them fester.
I don't have to lose something to realize how great it is. Unfortunately some women don't feel the same way and during the relationship they treat me like I'm just another player.
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That would seem to be common sense. But I guess some people may not see it. It's human nature to want to thrive and succeed, not to fail, or get hurt. Even if someone is rather optomistic at first, if they get hurt enough, they will institute a defense mechanism, by putting up walls, so others cannot get in and hurt them again. It happens because of experience, and is a hard thing to overcome at times. They have to both want to take down the walls, and have someone worth taking them down for, to be able to trust, love, and let someone in again. Usually it's innocent till proven guilty, but in these cases, one must prove their innocence to these people, before they accept it as reality.
Sounds like something that happen to me...Simply said its more of a barrier type of thing. When you really care for someone and that one person turns you down no point on continuing looking for "love." I.E. I just want to enjoy myself from here on out. Just as girls do, guys lose trust and just want to have fun, they aren't looking to get hurt again. Its as if, every girl seems to turn out the same...so we shut ourselves out and don't give way for our emotions to show. If you really want to get the guys attention tell him how it is, and see where things go from there. The whole thing about guys being emotional-less is complete bs, we just do better at hiding things compared to some girls.
It's kind of like what Yoda said in The Phantom Menace, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." Pain is a bitch and contrary to popular belief, men do not handle it well. We may try to shrug it off and look all tough on the outside, but on the inside we're crying like a little boy. We go around like trying to figure out what went wrong and what we did. After playing everything out in our heads trying to figure this stuff out, we start to get p*ssed and say "you know what, f*** it." So, in order to never get hurt like that again, some of us guys say screw this being nice and respectful and become assholes.
I don't do second chances. And as for being heartless... I think its sorta funny. Its really nice when after a long period of having to deal with a girls up's and down's and roller coaster drama to not give a sh*t. It's like smoking a bowl after not smoking for a long time, or that first warm weather after winter.
Men get hurt more in a break-up because they have the image that women are soft and loving and loyal. WHen suddenly that image comes tumbling down, it can be quite devastating.
On the other hand, women are more cautious with men and hence do not get hurt as much.
Lucifer used to be an angel before he became the devil.
Guys used to be able to love, but he lost that ability after they are hurt by the one they loved most.
Maybe you do not understand what love is.
Love is eternal. That means it happens only once and it last forever. The only way to end it is if we died.
After we gave our heart to the girl and she broke it, something inside us just died. We have to let it die before we can move on.
We can never love again, and we don't have a choice. We did not close our hearts, we simply lost it.
well this is not for all people some people do different,
but maximum guys does this,this is bcoz they lose interest in relationships and feel chicks are there to be banged(dont mind plz),they start hating committed relationships as their trust loses on successful relations.
Some guys just don't move on. It will hurt their future relationships till they do. I just had one do it to me. We got together because we were looking for some and got attached then got emotional and he couldn't open up. He got more and more closed down, and yesterday said we needed to talk it sucks, but I guess he still needs work and I couldn't help him grow.
Maybe "some men" put up a shield to prevent themselves from getting hurt again. Some become over sensitive to everything that happens in the new relationship because they are just waiting for it to go down the same road as the last and they are going to try to protect themselves.
Not all men are like this. Some men, like me, take each relationship as a brand new chapter and see how it plays out without prejudice.
We become biased from that one experience. Its the same with women: if a guy breaks your heart or is an a-hole then your opinion on men becomes biased- "All guys are the same! All they want is sex!" We pretty much don't want to open up and run the risk of being hurt again
well you go your life being a boy and happy. you have friends that are good to you then you let a women in you heart and whatever happened you feel cheated. like they lied who they were in a way.then your no longer a boy. you are more jaded and cold. its not that we can't love again. its just this time around we hope to find a good trustworthy women that deserves to know use. not the first girl to come along and show affection.
When man become Heartless you end up dating his Nobody. KH2.
Seriously: Pain isn't pleasant for most; men bottle up where women spill out. It's how we cope. Psych 213.
women make guys heartless. I used to believe in lame fairy tales and all that crap, but after being with girls that saw nothing wrong with casually sleeping with multiple people because we weren't "decidedly exclusive", being cheated on, and other crap like that, time after time... I have a hard time believing a woman's emotions mean much
iforgotmyname is correct. I'm broken and I know it. and I don't care. I don't even bother to date. She ripped it out, put it on a stick, roasted it and ate it. I'm not Gay, but not only do I distrust Women in general, I find I hate some as well. If a woman pursues me, and keeps up, I'll rip her heart out no problem. I don't feel joy, pain, sorrow, anything human anymore. Want to know HOW to do this to a man? she learned most of what she learned from heartlessbitches.com. - but be aware...it creates monsters...Women may feel empowered by this-but no good ever comes of doing this to another human being.. I don't behave this way out of hatred, - I just don't care and don't feel anything. I've been told I'm the coldest person several people had met...and they're right. (and no-I wasn't like any of the guys that turn women evil...before anyways.,)
Men are not born heartless women makes them like that... In my life I met the only girl I really liked I thought "this girl must be special, not like everyone else" I was a player before, never had serious relationships, taking girls in half an hour was fun, but I was always looking for extraordinary girl.. So one day at the party a random got her in 15 minutes and f****d her in the bathroom :) Since then I see no special women, all women want the same it's not like the men are thinking only about sex it's just that women can't offer anything more.
Because women, from our perspective, are stupid and shallow, and we get disgusted with ourselves for ever becoming involved with you, and angry that you could be so unthinking and acritical.
Men do not like to show pain or vulberablity. If there a man has been inflicted by one of these they will do what they can to never have it happen to them again.
they have feelings but they are good at hiding it because they don't want to seem like they're weak. guys are emotional but they act like jerks to cover it sometimes.
It's because with time your starting to realize that we are all animals guided by sexual instinct...
Sometimes you find that girl that will show you what it means to be loved and you change oyur mind, but it doesn't happen very often
Two reasons. 1) You can't very well hurt me if I've got walls built up, can you? And 2) Boys/Men tend to be unemotional from birth anyway.
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