How should I respond to my hostile ex-girlfriend?

[thecougar04]

Me and my ex had broken up about a month ago. very serious relationship. the break up was very bad because she got very hostile to me and very angry at me. She talks bad about me behind my back so sent her a message the other day that said "I don't know why your acting like this but I don't care anymore, Please don't tell people stuff about me when I haven't tried talking to you in a month. I don't want anything to do with you so please leave me alone and ill do the same".

But the thing is I do love her so much and kinda deep down inside I wanna be with her but she is being so hostile. she replied back "Ha! Don't flatter yourself! I never think about you for anything let alone talk about you! I want nothing to do with you at all ever so that's fine with me! Now leave me alone."

Ouch that hurt, how should I take all that and what should I do? respond? but say what? or just don't say anything.?

Updates

+1 y

Well she had broken up with me. and trying to contact seems near impossible sometimes to ever work things out because she won't give me the time of day. And if I could honestly have it my way I would want her to get over this and us be together.

Updates

+1 y

how is the best way to go about getting her back? because I know deep down she still cares but its just circumstances right now seem to scare her and she is using hate to try and get over me. but i know we could make it work no matter.

[lost-angel]

Dont reply.

Sometimes the most painful response is silence.

You said hurtful things, but you said you are still inlove with her, and deep down you still want to be her. She is feeling the same way. She said hurtful things because she is mad, and hurt.

She sounds like the type of person who shows anger to hide the pain.

Or this could be her way of trying to get over you. Maybe she thinks its really over, and the only way she could move on is by hating you.

Whatever the reason, both of you needs to stay away from each other right now. Meaning no emails, texts, calls, etc.

Just wait.

Give her, and yourself time. You need time to figure things out. And she needs time to cool off.

After time (and I'm not talking about just a couple of days, letz say, weeks) if you know you still want to be her, then try emailing/texting her. Nothing mean or about the past. Something nice and simple. Ask how she is doing and stuff. Don't say you miss her, yet. If she responds back, nicely, then converse for awhile. if it is still going good, then ask her out. Ask if you could take her out the next day. Don't ask her out on that day you texted. This will get her really excited, and she will be thinking about you ALL day until she sees you.

Now if she never becomes nice, and you know you still want to be with her. then maybe she is the type who demands persistence. I don't know. but, you might have to go talk to her in person, and show her you are sorry.

[Anonymous]

well, the reason she's so mad is because she's not over you, and the fact that you wrote that message to her (which can be intrepreted badly probably made her even more angry). I suggest that you stop talking to her, hanging, and cutting off all forms of contact. She needs to simmer down, and you sending messages are going to get the fire going again. The reason that she's talking about you behind your back (note: I don't know the circumstances of the break up) because she may feel that you are responsible for it, and therefore feels you should pay. I suggest you shrug it off. If friends ask, just say that you guys broke up, or better yet, don't say anything (it really isn't their business). It seems that she's immature to a degree and this is her way of handling it. Just get involved in hobbies or friends and don't worry about it. Hope this helped!

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if you want her back, you have to figure out the reason she broke up with you in the first place. And whatever it is, try and talk it out with her in a reasonable way. If it's something you know will make the confrontation really uncomfortable for her, then she might not talk. but if she gives you the chance, just talk it out. If she's still being immature and talking down to you and blaming you for it, then maybe you shouldn't bother: she isn't going to change her mind. Good luck!

[audreymarie21]

hm. if I were you I would just reply to her "alright, sorry, I'll leave you alone." give her what she says she wants while being nice about it. maybe she'll realize she's being stubborn and immature, but there's nothing you can really do other than keep yourself from looking as immature as her. make sure you remain the bigger person.

[dclown47]

Ouch bro. That was a nasty response. Sometimes girls do that, even guys. They use being mean or talking about the person as a self defense mechanism. I do it sometimes maybe not in the extent of being hurtful but an example. When my friends go out, and I know there maybe be a possibility of my ex being there, I always kiddingly ask them if the "bitch" is going to be there.

I don't mean anything hurtful by it. I just say that, one to kid around and two as a defense barrier because truth is I still care about her. She may feel the need to say hurtful things about you in order for her to cover up how she feels especially around her friends.Truth may be that she still deeply cares about you.

I wouldn't necessarily contact her back if it is just going to end up in an argument. I would maybe try talking to her when she is alone and trying to really understand the problem. Don't worry too much about the context of the response. It was probably most out of anger than what she feels. Like I said try to get her by herself and just talk things out between the both of you. Hope this helps. Good luck.

[TheSunGod]

She is BEGGING for your attention like a young child begs for his/her parents' attention. Above all, she desires your complete focus to be on her, because she is not over you just like you are not over her. The difference between you two is in how you handle it. I believe that you are handling it the right way so far, assuming that there is no intent to get back together.

Did you break up with her? If so, stick to your guns. Chances are the reasons you broke up have not changed for the better, and now she is just being hostile.

The ultimate goal for BOTH of you here is to move on. By fighting and arguing, that won't happen. Reinforce that statement you had in your first paragraph here, then cut all ties to her, and STICK TO IT. Eventually she will realize that you are not kidding around and that what you are doing is for the best.

[nusoulmusic]

Honestly, dude, if she is doing that sort of thing, then it's a good thing that the relationship ended. It means she's not mature enough for a serious relationship.

It probably was a bad thing to contact her and "tell her off." You set yourself up for the response that she gave you.

I understand that you still care about her. You can't just forget about someone you cared about. Anyone that says otherwise either doesn't have a soul or is in a serious case of denial. So, yes, it hurt that she said what she said.

My opinion is that the best thing you should do is just leave her alone. Let her talk all her loose rap because that is exactly what it is, loose. The bad things she says behind your back will only go in one ear and out the other. If people start to bring it up to you, let them know that it isn't necessary for you to hear it. If it isn't going to help you heal, then why allow it to be said to you? You know what I mean?

Don't take what she says to other people to heart. She's doing what she's doing out of hurt and disappointment. I mean, who expects a break-up? In a way, I understand what she's doing, but it is by NO MEANS excusable behavior. Hopefully, she'll get over this whole thing. However, if you keep feeding into what she says, she'll continue to have the fuel to add to her flames. In other words, she will continue to have control over you.

[Anonymous]

It kind of sounds like she is just used to doing things out of spite. Like TheSunGod said, this is how kids act for attention, even when they don't realize it.

If she never thinks about you or doesn't, she probably would of blew off your email.

But I think it's something else. She didn't want to be the reason you two broke up, so she became hostile (when she was really conflicted) and she didn't know how to end it, or talk about it so instead of talking about it, she forced the issue of breaking up and the tension of that destroyed the relationship.

[LoveYourself17]

I would just give her some space at this point. Then after some time I would try to contact her to have a conversation in person. Make sure when you contact her keep it brief and save the real conversation in person. I think it's best to communicate honestly face-to-face because there can be misunderstandings using text messages and/or phone conversations.

[SuperFlanker]

What were the circumstance behind the break up.Sounds like possibly if you broke up, then she may be bitter about the rejection thing. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.I think a lot of guys can relate to that. Even this UW Husky! Peace out Coug! Let me know.

[audreymarie21]

try being civil with her. lifes too short to fight all the time. if you still care about her stop playing games and tell her.