Why do (most) cheaters blame you for their cheating?

[Anonymous]

My ex blamed being miserable with me at times, so he cheated during those instances. then he got mad at me for how i found out about his cheating. he cheated through social media, and is claiming “because you wanted a social media love, our love failed”. I didn’t want a social media Love, i just wanted to feel appreciated and respected. I wanted to be known and recognized in his life.

Anyways. On his social media, he is talking about how social media is bad and dangerous and how it damages people and relationships. But, the truth is - social media doesn’t do that, it’s when one person chooses to use social media to be a liar and to be deceptive (which my ex did).

It sucks that he cheated, and he blocked me. And he barely gave me an explanation or anything. He called me for a very short phone call (after i persisted for a while) and hung up in the middle when i got upset and then blocked me all over again.

I feel so mind-f*cked?

[loveslongnails]

I'll tell you what I tell others with similar stories... feel BLESSED that you are rid of this loser instead of wasting another drop of energy over him. To answer your question, I disagree with those who say he feels, or felt guilty. He just doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, thoughts and decisions, so blaming anyone else is the rationale. He's looking for a justification, and that's his way of doing it. Him calling social media bad and dangerous is hilarious, like an alcoholic blaming the grain that booze is made from.

[sixeightt]

Everybody on here saying move on but I bet all of them have cheated before. In my opinion, I think social media is dangerous for relationships. But he does seem to be a little bit immature, he's handling it the wrong way. A real man it's going to hold his composure and not easily upset and handle things in a mature way.

[Asker]

He is mainly upset because i found out he was cheating by snooping on his social media accounts. He thinks it makes me crazy and a psycho (sure, maybe not the most rational thing to do). But, he said “i have lost every last ounce of trust in you for snooping” and then called me more mean names, and then ended it and blocked me.

I have stopped trying to contact him, and i have blocked him back.

[sixeightt]

That's why I said socialmedia causes problems for relationships because it makes it easier to cheat.. as a man or woman, you still have to have self-control to not do it but I guarantee you if there was no socialmedia, there will be a lot more faithful people in this world because like I said people do stuff on social media that they don't do in person. Just like every woman's DM is filled up with messages on social media, I'm pretty sure those same women when they go out in public doesn't get the same reaction.

[Js138]

The most important thing to remember is that its NOT your fault. Cheaters use you as a scapegoat to take the blame off themselves. Its their way of handling the guilt they feel. I wouldn't even bother talking to this guy. Clearly he's not man enough to take responsibility for his own actions, and you're better off without someone like that in your life. Cut all contact. Maybe he'll eventually see the error of his ways, but don't allow him to come back into your life. Best of luck!

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

I don’t think most cheaters blame it on the person... that’s purely sociopathic. People have their differences but it is always the persons choice to either try to fix it , leave , or cheat and it’s a shame he didn’t try the previous choices. He just sounds like an asshole that is trying to refute any sense of responsibility.

[Wraithguy]

If your cheated on its not your doing if he didn't have the balls to end things before moving on.
He is just a coward. Pay him no mind.

[Asker]

He claimed he was miserable with the way i was. Okay, i admit i had a lot of insecurities (some of them eventually ended up being justified). But, i was miserable at times too. I still never cheated or attempted to, or put myself in that position.

[Wraithguy]

Well then he failed to support your emotional needs. It's a 2 ways street that needs you both to communicate and boost each other up. Not persecute.
I'll admit there are men and women alike that can't help but need to feel miserable those are easy to figure out before getting into a relationship with.
Again I stick with my response about it not being your fault he cheated. He is grown can think for himself and knows wrong from right.
I dont see how it's anyone else fault but his.

[Guy2809]

If he cheated you should not be calling him, he should be calling you. Cheaters get mad as a way to manipulate the cheated. As you can see, it worked for him, because now its you calling him to talk and not him calling you to apologize and fix things if possible. This is a huge red flag, leave him, he will keep on manipulated you as long as he can

[Bear41]

Because he was to much of a boy to man up and take responsibility for his actions. Cheater tend to accuse their other person of doing it too just to make themselves feel better. I personally have never cheated on anyone but have been by at two exwives.

[Livinglogical]

I'd post on my fb 'no (ex's name) social media does not ruin relationships. Dirty cheating scum ruin relationships. So glad for fb, it helped me see u for the cheat you are. Drop dead loser'.

[oddwaffle]

Ask yourself, why would he cheat if he was happy with what he has?

I mean you don't usually quit your job unless you get a better offer or your job just sucks so much you need to save yourself.

So he either found someone better or he hates his current relationship or both.

[BigGuy8]

It's justification for their bad decision. They want to feel like they didn't do anything wrong. That's just how people are. Everyone wants to blame everyone else.

[luisma]

My opinion he's insecure with himself so he used that as a boost. Or he's just to dumb to realize he had a good thing

[Asker]

He told me he was miserable at times in the relationship, and during those times, he attempted to cheat (but i believe sexting is TRUE cheating. So, he did actually cheat). And he entertained other girls via social media.

[luisma]

I mean i feel the same way if i had a girlfriend and she did that how hard really would it be to take it that next step

[Asker]

Yeah. During the times we were fighting a lot, a lot of it was due to insecurity and jealousy in my part (which ended up being justified in the end) :/

[luisma]

Well it sounds like you we're justified in feeling like that just remember you'll move on and you'll do better

[leifleoden]

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

Psychological projection is a common phenomena that "guilty" people often engage in.

[Anonymous]

Because he got caught & called out for it. Many wrong doers do this in defence. Why do you care about him to persist?
Forget the scum.

[Asker]

I stopped trying to pursue him. I blocked him on everything and haven’t tried since Saturday. That isn’t a lot of days, but we just ended things Friday. He said what i did was worse (snooping on his accounts by logging into them). And yes, what i did wasn’t right. But, he still tried to put the blame on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Thats great mann. Yeaah but you know that now & will hopefully do the right thing next time :)
Dont sweat itt

[forbiddenphantom]

Because they are unable to blame themselves. It's so much easier to blame and be mad at someone/something else. Just weak, no strength of honor or character.

[Browneye57]

No, just fucked over. NEXT!!

And social media isn't so dangerous, but it is bad and a complete waste. It's all fake, the narcissists playground, all the LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!

[winterfox10]

Because cheating is largely seen as the worst thing you can possibly do in a relationship... Naturally they don't want to take full responsibility for their actions

[DiegoO]

Well, it's a choice and it's the fault of who cheats however in part you may have the fault of putting him in the edge, but the final choice was all his.

He could have broke up instead of cheating. Assertiveness could have saving lot of problems and guilts.

[LegateLanius]

Projection. Cheating is 100 percent the cheaters fault.

[amooor]

Don't care you must be happy because you already known his reality

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[amooor]

I mean you know he's cheating now better than you know after long time

[Crankor]

Because there too much of a pu**y to talk it out or end it if they are that unhappy with their relationship

[CrazyyChick]

Because they want to make you feel regret so they feel better abou their mistake

[DamnMan]

Guy is nuts and one of those people who try and put their guilt on others. Move on.

[sc15022]

If he claims to have been miserable with you then in that instance, it is your fault. That wouldn't justify him looking for strange on social media though, as I wouldn't want a woman doing the same if I were committed to her. He didn't have the balls to tell you what exactly he didn't like about you so he took the easy way out. Just let him go and best of luck to you finding somebody better

[Asker]

It isn’t my fault he was miserable? He did several things to bring out my insecurity and jealousy by a tenfold! I lost a lot of trust in him, but tried to stay. If he was so miserable he wanted to cheat, he could have left me. Yes, that’s hard. But, cheating is very horrible.

[sc15022]

Assuming he wasn't full of shit, when a guy claims he's miserable with you it's because he finds something wrong with your behavior or appearance.

So if you're saying you knew he was a scumbag well before he cheated with you, why did you stay? You didn't respect yourself enough to leave him as soon as he became a shithead? You enabled his behavior by not being firm with him so it is as much your fault as it is his.

[Asker]

I wanted to forgive him and trust him; give him the benefit of the doubt because people do stupid things sometimes. but, that was a mistake.

and if someone is THAT miserable, they have every right to leave...

[sc15022]

That's what I'm saying, you should've left earlier and he should've told you what it was that was making him miserable

[Asker]

Ok. Still does not excuse cheating. I never cheated. It isn’t in my to cheat, even during the situations i had an opportunity.

[sc15022]

I'm not saying he was right to cheat. And if you supposedly had plenty of opportunities to cheat, then I can see why he'd be insecure

[Asker]

What? As a woman, and decently attractive, men will approach her? Men approach my female friends a lot too, on social media, at bars, at clubs, in class, on the street, etc. my boyfriend had many chances to cheat too (he’s fairly attractive). However, my boyfriend, which i am seeing now, he created most of his opportunities to cheat himself. I never made mine. I didn’t approach men on my own.

[sc15022]

Oh okay, that makes sense. I figured you meant like friends you kept around just in case things didn't work out, because some girls do that.

[sc15022]

The way you phrased it made it seem like you had guys at the ready instead of just being hit on by random guys and telling them you had a boyfriend

[Asker]

No. I have randoms. My boyfriend is the one who kept women around...

[sc15022]

Yeah, fuck him. Have fun with the single life, talk to some randoms 😉

[Blake0048]

Because they are manipulative assholes to begin with. Fake and dishonest to you as well as themselves some people have the ability to believe their own bullshit..

[Pattz]

They blame their partners so that they wouldn't be called the "bad ones".

[JamesAT]

Because they are selfish, childush, and narcissistic.

[Butchiew56]

It makes the person who is doing it feel better and makes you the bad one!

[outside_Toronto]

#1 - people hate taking responsibility for their negative actions.

#2 cheating is never just 1 person. Not saying both people cheat, however, both have contributed factors that lead to cheating through thoughts and actions

[Asker]

Yes. I can see how some of my actions may have pushed him to cheating (i. e., my insecurity and jealousy - but, in the end, those insecurities and jealousies were actually true about what he was doing with the person i felt he was doing them with). But then again, i can claim his actions could have led me to cheat. But, i don’t believe cheating is the answer or way to go.

My ex told me if he felt unhappy he would leave, clearly that isn’t true. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

[colin77]

immaturity fear and selfishness

[Tohhru]

because they're pathetic

[PurplePirate]

They Try to alleviate their guilt by doing so

[Madirashed]

To find an execuse and feel lees guilt.

[Fukfase]

Because it's almost always the woman's fault.