Is it okay to have sex with your unconscious partner?

[Anonymous]

Last night I woke up to my boyfriend going at it with me, which sounds kind of ridiculous but I’m an incredibly deep sleeper. I told him to stop a few times, but he acted like he couldn’t hear me and kept going, so I just let him finish.

I asked him why he did it this morning, and he apologized and said he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing, but that couples in a sexual relationship do that all the time.

I’m sorry if this is a stupid question, but this is my first relationship and I feel kinda weird about the whole situation.

Updates

+1 y

Probably another silly question, but how would one even go about reporting something like this to the police?

I doubt I actually will, but if I did, I just don’t know how I would go about proving it.

[Anonymous]

That sounds really scary. I hope you are okay and taking care of yourself. I agree with everybody else - what happened was rape. He didn’t respect you or ask you and ignored you saying stop making it all the worse. You didn’t really let him finish - he ignored you so he could finish. Even somebody drunk cannot be excused for acting like this. It’s not okay. Something similar happened to me once at a my friends house party after I fell asleep. I woke up to him fingering me without my consent. I did not report it to the police but part of me wishes I had. Ultimately do whatever you need to do to feel okay and safe. Break up with him if you don’t trust that it won’t happen again.

[Asker]

Thanks hun 😊. Like I replied to another comment, I’m just not sure if I have the heart to go through reporting it - let alone having any evidence of it actually happening. I appreciate the well-wishes though!

[Opinion Owner]

You definitely don’t need to have evidence. Your word should be enough to report it. Good luck though regardless of what you decide to do!

[Anonymous]

If you are uncomfortable with it then definitely tell him! I wouldn’t like it if my boyfriend did that to me!

[Liam_Hayden]

You should dump a guy who would do this. Still this type of claim can be incredibly difficult to prove, especially since it sounds like you live together or at least were voluntarily in the same bed and you "just let him finish." While the police will take the report and possibly arrest him, most D. A.'s won't prosecute on this lack of evidence unless he confesses.

[Philyouup]

I sleep "fuck" meaning I could be inside you before I am awake. I found that if I ask my partner it is ok for me to do that, to have her pre-consent.. it stops whatever unconscious behavior it is, even if she gives "pre-consent" ..

[Anonymous]

If you said stop, it’s definitely not ok. That’s sexual assault. Whether you report it is up to you. I’ve had something similar happen to me, I passed out after drinking too much and the guy I was seeing had sex with me. I didn’t remember any of it but there were obvious signs I had sex, so I asked him and he admitted he had done it. I was relieved that it wasn’t someone else at the party and it was him. I would have let him anyway, so I didn’t see it as a big deal. Still, if a girl says no, guys should respect that.

[Shiver]

Unless he had your pre-consent, it's technically rape and even with it it's a gray area at best. Are you gonna let it slide if he promises not to do it again or are you getting the police involved? It's up to you.

[Shiver]

If you end up going to the police, tell them you got raped. He raped you, by definition. Explain that you woke up to him having sex with you when you didn't give him consent and told him to stop multiple times. Break up with him before you do as well, they might take it more seriously that way. Shows that you're really disgusted and shaken by what happened a lot better than staying with him despite that.

And I mean, if you're really not that shaken up and it's really an honest mistake on his part, to be honest, ruining the rest of life might be kind of a dick move. I recommend you consider that at least, because if it really was a genuine mistake and it does ruin his life, I wouldn't be able to imagine the insane guilt you'd have to live with. Guilt can really ruin a person, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Yeah I doubt I’ll actually report it or anything, I don’t have the heart to. I think I just have to rethink the relationship.

Thanks for the advice :)

[Anoniemus]

No. That's rape because it's nonconsensual. It can happen in marriages and it's still rape. You can go to the police about it. No people don't do it in their relationships all the time UNLESS if they talk about it beforehand.

[Liz_thorne]

You didn't consent and even after you stated that you did not he kept going. This is called rape. You should look for a boyfriend who respects your bodily autonomy

[razzamatazzp01]

For me it's fine. I think if the guy wants to do it he needs to let her know, like "I might wake up horny in the middle of the night do I got to wake you up or can I just put it in?" Lol

[razzamatazzp01]

If it's something you want to report him to the police for then you guys should not be together. I can't imagine you reporting it and them not taking it seriously. Tell them you want to report a rape.

[x태성인수x]

uh.. that's.. kinda rape.

like legally.

that's rape.

..

have fun with that.

[Astarlessnightsky]

No, technicly this was rape, this you couldn't consent at all.

[fgalvan]

No matter if your married no does mean no. Something is wrong when someone takes something that don't belong to them with out them asking correct, that crosses through everything else.

[Hannajenky]

Probably a bad idea but I have been guilty of this in the past but we were both drunk

[jss123]

Telling him to stop and he goes on immediately turns it into rape. No matter if you're in a relationship or not.

[TahoeHiker]

My girlfriend doesn't mind when Im unconscious everywhere except down there thats up in the air

[fred_durst]

it is obviously rape , you should report him to police , he may do much worse on future

[EmadAlaa]

I didn't even had sex before, but i believe it's a rude behavior, he act like if u r an animal not a human being..!

[moonpie89]

No. You can't consent if you're unconscious.

[Antelope]

That's like real bad. Like real bad.