We broke up, how do I find out who I am?

[just_a_potato]

We ended it. We've broken up before but this time I made sure it's for good. Of course I feel sad, I love him but I'm not staying in a one sided relationship. I'm also weirdly relieved, like I can do things I wouldn't get to. My relationship was my only 'personality' though, it was what defined me. Without him I don't know who I am i'm very fond of my labels. Now I feel so lost. What do I do? (Please don't ask the specific reason we broke up, that isn't what the question is about)

[Maissilapsi]

First I'd like to say, no one knows who they are by the age of 18.
Secondly, if other person defines you, it's not your identity, it's an image that you just like to look at, maybe think that others has the same view. They don't, they still see you as you and him as him. There's no common shared identities.

So you want to find who you are, I can tell you you're not at least that. Doubt some self-help to-do list has any value here either. But when you wrote the question, watched it written down with your own eyes... Did the identity search start to open for you even slightly? Like, hint a direction? If so, toss a metaphorical stone that direction, look around for new stone and toss it off somewhere again. That way theoretically you'll find pieces of whole entire identity. As you will not find yourself from ready made frame but need numerous pieces that will build you as unique combination.

By metaphorical stones, I mean life experiences generally, get them. Not some "lif laf luv" stuff or whatever "preet, präät prööt" movie it was but ordinary everyday life experiences, not forgetting to search limits with overkills.

It's said tougher the experiences are more resilient your personality grows. At least mine didn't but it almost broke me, but I can't say I don't have resilience I just know the path my life may have taken without luck at right time and resilience isn't always good but knowing when to tap out so you can brawl another day.

If the experiences break you, you may get bitter personality who'll never get happy by own merits. Too afraid to fail, you refuse to learn from your own mistakes but blame others for them and unable to learn to do better because keep avoiding overkills.

Never reaching a point you're confinent on yourself because you don't known your own skill nor limits. Often only way to know is overkills, so learn from them.

I do know better than these vague things I wrote, It's just really hard dress in words. Feel free to ask if troubled by something I said?

[just_a_potato]

That was a lot of vocabulary and metaphors my dumb mind could barely grasp but nonetheless thank you

[Maissilapsi]

Sorry about that. But subject is something you can't really touch & tame with English properly, which is my 4th language too.

But like, just...
O... Just be the best you can fór yourself,

[Maissilapsi]

There's somehow an essay worth of stuff missing on my comment. Either dog used nose on screen or I failed to deliver, or both. Latter has better odds and general vibes so I must have deleted some 80% of the text I wrote on that...

ppenw#z

[Maissilapsi]

Oi what the h... what's that ppenw#z...

[Maissilapsi]

Good boomer action, although... what's that ppenw#z?

[sensible27]

You have to figure out the things you like, when the value of everything feels the same the headspace feels a little clouded and you don't know what clarity is. You have to find something.. that's important to you, that gives you meaning. Without an overarching goal we might (at times) become wanderers, lost.. roaming around aimlessly wondering what our next step is and sometimes that's important (or even maybe critical), to get an understanding of how everything fundamentally works.. (about the breakup) hope you're okay, i know what that feels like.. you can message me if you feel you just wanna talk to someone randomly (in a non romantic way) : )) sorry if this is a little late.. Meaning is a jumper you have to knit yourself.
.

[just_a_potato]

Thank you

[Confused256]

I see you’re 18. You have your whole life in front of you and this break up will probably be the best thing that ever happen to you. Even if you were in the “perfect ideal relationship” being single at you’re age is preferable. Don’t let anyone put a label on you and definitely don’t put one on yourself. You can be many things in this life. For now focus on being a student (explore your interest and don’t be surprised if it changes mid way through ur schooling), be a friend (good girlfriends will be a lot more valuable to you than a man right now), be a daughter a sister a cousin (family is very important). And always be your true authentic wonderful self and never let the man in ur life define you.

[Libbers]

Your question hit home for many reasons. But yet you don’t want people to find out what the nail in the coffin was so to speak. I often wonder why people stay in relation ships that are nothing by fighting or unhealthy meaning they known it won’t last. Sounds like what you did. And I am not pointing finger. I did the same thing and I know my reasons. I wouldn’t do it again.

[just_a_potato]

Sometimes I just don't know when to give up, some people can't be helped

[taeh_ie2]

Find yourself again hun. And Ik it’s harder then said. But take sometime to yourself and find that confidence and build yourself up again and prove yourself that you are strong enough to find yourself with out anyone. Good luck. All love and support coming your way😊

[Floppy2112]

Look in the mirror. Like most people, you're not a mystery. People go all over the world to find themselves and never succeed, because they think there is supposed to be something special about them. Well, we are all special, just like everybody else.
If you want to jump ahead of the line, in the 'finding yourself' motif, understand that you are what you do, not how you feel.

[TruthBringer]

"understand that you are what you do, not how you feel."
Absolutely well said!

@just_a_potato This is basically all you need to know. Paying attention to what you do in your life. This is what has worked for myself and many other people.

When I started actually doing stuff rather than reminiscing about what was and feeling bad for myself, I started to get over my breakup much quicker and had a better perception of who I am as a person. It's things like doing what you love, working out and set workout goals, plan trips not for "finding" yourself, but to actually have fun. These are mere examples. It's up to you to find out what you like and don't like. Working out will help you tremendously in shaping your self-esteem and discipline. It will also help you feel much better compared to sitting in your room feeling sad. It's also a good distraction. When it comes to school, all you need to do is choose the career you want to pursue that will give you meaning.

[Gwenhwyfar]

First focus on yourself. You need time to heal. Then when you’re ready focus on other guys (or girls if you want a change). You are lovable. You’re a potato 😊. How could you not be?

[just_a_potato]

Thank you this makes me feel so much better

[Gwenhwyfar]

You’re welcome 😊

[msbrightness]

I would suggest taking some time to take it all in.
You may, likely will, change some perspectives - maybe even want to go back to being with the same person under some different circumstances (those can strain a relationship big time without being visible)
Breathe, relax, don't rush with anything. Just enjoy your time until you start to sense what feels right for you as the next step.
Breaking up isn't all it's cracked up to be

[DaMack999]

Healing can hurt for the moment. It doesn't mean it's over until you truly know the "WHY". Sometimes we jump to conclusions and don't mean it. Sometimes it's abusive relationship and YOU MUST RUN. What ever the case may be. I would let Time heal it. Focus on yourself and life.

[exitseven]

I don't know what you should do but what you shouldn't do is jump right back into another relationship

[just_a_potato]

I'm probably not having a serious one in a couple years... But flings feel nice I suppose

[exitseven]

Yes, but don't use it as a crutch. Work on yourself, think about how you might want your life to look like. You do not need a relationship to define you.

[just_a_potato]

Thank you highway exit, I really appreciate you

[exitseven]

right back atcha , tater tot.

[midnightmoon05]

Great time to grow and learn.
glad you are single!! take 3-5 years to learn and educate... complete some of the things you need to do at this age group

[midnightmoon05]

Not easy being a potato 🥔

[rodeschaap]

Take time to reflect on yourself. What do you like? What do you dislike? What are your morals and values? What are your dreams? What defines you? A partner shouldn't define you by the way.

[Jjpayne]

Spend time by yourself to journal and reflect. Reflect on your childhood leading up to now. What defines you? What makes you you? And what do you want as goals moving forward? Stuff like that 🤔

[Jjpayne]

Sorry to hear that by the way 🥺 😞

[modelUN242]

Time will heal. Just don't do anything drastic, don't date until you improve as a person. Start with reading or doing a hobby.

[Shihab91]

You turned out 18 and you broke up? What timing? Anyway friends and hobbies are best healers.
Good luck

[just_a_potato]

We broke up the day after my birthday so yeah

[TallAnon]

I don't think that was your personality to begin with. I didn't know you were in a relationship, your personality just screamed kind person to me 😁

[just_a_potato]

Really? Do you mean that? Thank you

[TallAnon]

Yeah, 100% 😊

[COMMODOREII]

Awwwww*big hugs*

Drinks on me. Time to spike my favorite spud. 😎

[COMMODOREII]

How are you doing potato?

[Anonymous]

LoL!
"We've broken up before but this time I made sure it's for good."
That sounds like you cheated.

[just_a_potato]

No I didn't cheat. I just have really bad anxiety in relationships

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Weren’t you 22 the last time we interacted? But anyways, I think you just need to keep being alive and receive updates. That’s how I am me, I think I don't know.

[just_a_potato]

I was 17 buddy, my birthday was earlier this week actually so that's why my profile has changed the slightest

[princeofromance]

You need to first be at peace with the breakup. Then, You will be able to find out who you are.

[Bean2thousand]

Try different things like read a book about codependency.

[lycanthrope3]

then just try things, check off like or dislike. do not get attached for awhile, know who you are first

[Texasguy99]

Sorry that happened. You need to do what makes you happy and maybe try new things. Meet new people

[Paulyjtk]

Some people just aren't meant to be
Hopefully you can stay friends though