Ex boyfriend confused about feelings...?

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen my ex in 4 weeks, then this weekend we got together to catch up and ended up sleeping together. Now he is saying he doesn't know how he feels and if he wants a relationship. He said he couldn't start a relationship which he wouldn't be happy in and seemed willing to work out our problems. I felt that I was doing all the talking so I got annoyed and left. and he didn't try to stop me. Later that night he started messaging me and asked about getting his parents a present together (I am close to his family). We talked for a few hours, and when I told him I was chatting with another friend he really wanted to know what we were talking about and asked if I told her that we had awesome sex. But he never brought up our relationship.

Does he really want to get back together, or if he just playing me so he can keep having sex?

[WhatTheHeck]

This sounds a lot like my current situation. My boyfriend and I were always on again, off again. I hated that, but it's because he always acted like this. He could never open up with me and talk about this issues.

My ex never wanted to talk about the relationship because "talking" about it, meant "fighting" in his mind. I still haven't found a way to get past this, and we ended up breaking up again. We had a serious talk recently, and I was able to break through into what he was thinking.and let me just tell you that they're not thinking. I first thought he was selfish, but in all reality, he's probably never been forced to think about something of this proportion in his life.

The part about him wanting to get a present for his parents together -- I totally understand where you're coming from. He's not addressing his issues, because when you two "talk" about the relationship, he feels like he's being attacked. I'm not saying you ARE attacking him, that's just how guys see it. They like to think they're awesome in relationships, so how could someone possibly be correcting them? (lol) Anyway, he wants the relationship portion with you.

Because you haven't spoken for 4 weeks, you also haven't "fought." He likes this, and while he's alone and away from you, he misses you. He also only remembers the great things about the relationship, so when he sees you, he thinks things will be great, even though neither of you have talked about anything like adults (and this is probably HIS fault).

What you need to do from this point is set him down, talk to him about this issue. Tell him this needs confronted because it comes off to you as him using you. Tell him you're not interested in hanging out with him or talking to him until he can get his thoughts together. Also, be sure to tell him that it's not normal for people to just hook up and then act like things are normal after 4 weeks of not talking to each other.

Now, here's the tricky part - he's going to flip out when you confront him about all of this. We both know that. The part you need to be patient about is the part where you truly let him suffer. This sounds SO harsh, but he needs to see what life is like without you in it. And this is WAY easier said than done because you WANT to hang out with him. Believe me, I totally understand. This will be the toughest part; especially with the holiday season upon us :)

After you've done this for about a month (no contact, no responding to text messages, nothing!) he will have done one of two things: crumbled or lost interest. It sucks to consider the latter of the two, but if that's the case, write me and we'll feel like crap together.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

sounds like he's scared of commitment, he should respect you more, you should maybe talk to year close friends, he should try harder if he's serious, he's shown what he wants by just sleeping with you the first chance he gets, so take care of yourself more. maybe he wants to get with that girl.