How do I patch things up with my ex girlfriend without her thinking I want to get back together?

[JoeB22]

Ladies, I recently had a rough break up with my girlfriend of over a year. We really loved each other, but due to various things, she left me. Some of the reasons for the break up were :

- Getting comfortable after living together for 4 months

- Neglect due to comfort

- She said we weren't excited to see each other anymore

- She lost the attraction to me

Full disclosure - I was really in love with her and did everything wrong after she left. I argued, cried, contacted her family, and basically bothered her enough to get blocked on gmail, Facebook, and probably from her phone. She called me obsessive and clingy, as well as 'seemingly crazy'. I have to admit that she was right. Living in our apartment alone had me really messed up.

I guess my question is how do I get to a place where I can show her that I still love her w/o her thinking its all a scheme to get her back. I really do care about her and would like to know how she is. It has been tough, but I do see that we don't work as a couple. I just hope its not too late to ever speak to her again.

*The last thing she said to me was that I was no longer allowed to ask her how she feels and just contact her whenever I feel like it. She said that I was pushing her further and further away.

This girl thought the world of me as a person, so I think eventually there is hope to talk again.

Well, what do you think?

Updates:

[Darkfairie17]

Aweee, you sound like a sweet guy! The best thing right now though, is to give her some space. That is what she is asking for. She said, after you have been trying a lot of things to get a hold of her, that you are not allowed to contact her and ask how she feels. That is a clear sign she wants space.

Give this situation time. People have reconciled after much worse things, so do not worry too much yet. Just give her some space to let her collect her thoughts and live without you for a while. If you are going to get her back, she has to miss you first. If you are available to her right away, she will push you away because she wants some space. By not talking to her, you are respecting her wishes and allowing for her to miss you.

Now I don't know if she will take you back. You both have to work on this relationship if it is going to work again. And for that to happen you have to be on the same page. I don't know if she will feel the same way, we really have no way of knowing. Just try to work on yourself in the meantime. Go out, do things you enjoy, and try to not take things for granted as much. That seems to be the big part of this, you became too comfortable with her and stopped putting effort into the relationship. So that is one of the major things you need to look at.

I know when I went through a few terrible breakups I also had to realize the flaws before I could come to terms with what happened and move on in whichever direction I was going in. This may be reconciliation, or it may mean taking a different path and moving on altogether.

Now you say this girl thought the world of you. Then I think there is hope. Let her have some space and time to miss you and I'm sure she will start talking to you again :) Just try not to rush into things, let things happen naturally. Court her, make her feel special. Do romantic things when she is open to that. Just don't come on too strong to start. And make sure if you do get her back, that you appreciate her everyday and not just for the first few months :)

I wish you good luck! :)

[sgahjgjgc]

She told you her answer. I had a guy do this to me a few years ago and it took about a year before I even considered being on a friendship level with him. The only way you can get her back is to act like you've moved on. And work on you. Why did she lose the attraction to you? Did you stop going out with your friends? Caring about your appearance? Working out? Why was she attracted to you to begin with? The only way she will ever want you back again is if you giver her space- meaning NO contact and focus on you. If she really thinks you're as great a person as she says you are, she'll be in touch. If not, at least you made yourself over during that time for the next female that'll come into your life.

[Luv2Rock89]

i think you need to create space from her they way she has from you an try to pick up some new hobbies, stay busy so you aren't constantly thinking about her. it sounds like she wants to get away from you, so I would for sure give her the space she wants. let her come to you when she's ready. give yourself time to heal or else you're just going to drive yourself and her crazy. if she see's or hears that you are doing fine on your own she will more than likely make contact with you. she needs to see that you are OK, and can manage life without her before she speaks to you again. if you keep doing what you're doing now, I doubt she'll think you aren't trying to get her back.

[girl_power111]

well... you need to give her space. you have no other option. just ignore her... get on with your life. show her you are fine...u are having fun... you are the same non-psycho non-stalker guy she fell in love with. she will herself contact you then. if she doesn't then nothing you do can get her back.

[Anonymous]

we should be very geniune when we patch up with ur ex-gf, though they might had experienced loneliness. so try attain aa good relation at least from the last time yet to this time