How do I regain his respect?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I were together for a year. We broke up and for a week after I asked him if we could talk, for closure. He refused. I let it go and we did not speak for 5 weeks. Then he texted me saying he wanted to meet and talk.

I did worst possible thing. I showed up at his house at 2am and we had sex. We barely spoke. We spoke very briefly the next day on the phone and it was awkward and haven't spoken since. He texted me a few days later saying that we still need to have a talk soon. I haven't responded.

How can I regain his respect?

[ella44224]

If you're still interested in closure and think talking to him would be beneficial to you then by all means answer him. With that being said, I take it that you are not interested in becoming his hook up or friends with benefits and you need to let him know that. Meet for this talk at a mutual location (coffee shop ect.) during the day tell him sleeping with him was a mistake and say your peace about the relationship. We all make mistakes but if you sleep with him again he will just keep trying to come back for more and he really won't have any respect for you as a person.

I think the best move would just be not to answer him and to show that you realized your mistake on your own and you will not be opening yourself up to further situations of that nature. However, closure is a natural thing to want and if you think talking to him would still help then that is your call. Just don't put yourself in a situation where you fall into the same "trap" you did before.

[jesshkah]

i think you should just agree to talk. but have it in the daylight in a public place. that will force you to have some sort of boundaries and that way you can talk about things more rationally. the whole point is for the two of you to talk, so don't put yourself in a situation where sex is a possible outcome. I think a good thing to say would be "okay, let's meet for coffee and talk." and the sex thing should be something that you tell him in person.

[ryanrhino]

Meet at a public place. Do NOT get secluded from anyone who would affect your actions or speech.

It sure worked better for my ex to be in public, because she'd get a little over emotional or overly angry if we talked on the phone or out of the public eye

You'll have his respect by simply treating him like you just met him. Control your actions and speech to be calm and collective, like you would in a business meeting.

I'd say you already have his respect because he said you still need a talk soon.

That may have been your last time of physical intimacy, because you both may have needed that to finally end your relationship, but also get over that last bit of need for affection.

Don't judge yourself too harshly, because if you can't find happiness with who you are, strengths and flaws together, you won't be truly happy.

[Asker]

I want him back though. And it's been 3 weeks since then, and I haven't responded. Is it too late?

[ryanrhino]

It's never too late if you truly feel AND KNOW what you want is what's best for you in the long-term. Consult with your closest and most trusted advisors for what's best for you. I am not one to quote scripture, as I'm not of that persuasion, but this one was quite wise:

"The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." Proverbs 12:15

Overall, do what makes you happy!

[sumina7]

Tell him this:

"Let us meet for coffee and talk because if we meet at your place, I might just give in to my lust and we will never get to talk."

This will communicate that you had sex for your own enjoyment and you are an independent woman.

[Anonymous]

i don't think you can.

you want to talk, he doesn't give a f***.

HE wants to talk, you show up there AND sleep with him.

[taster]

What makes you so sure that you lost his respect?