Losing respect for my boyfriend, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

i love my boyfriend but have been loosing respect for him. he just acts kind of immature a lot of the time, is really needy, and insecure. he also complains A LOT about his life and the same problems, which are often minuscule. (which of course I still support but its so repetitive) he is also really clumsy and often rude, oblivious, and without manners when we go out

I feel these are too mean to bring up with him just to tell him that he's annoying me lol. sometimes I feel he's a bad influence on me.

what should I do?

[gedanken]

I think people really underestimate the power of anger, but if you tell him off for these things that p*ss you off, you might feel better and you'll get it off your chest, resulting in a happier you. Sure the healthier thing would be to tell him in a nice polite way, but sometimes that doesn't get the message across, and a good ol' screaming match might accomplish that. It's not actually about the fighting itself, but the reconciling that happens afterward that really can help the relationship. But then again I can't be attracted to a woman who can't p*ss me off, just because the level of emotion and passion is so great. But I'm also a freak ^^

[Asker]

ive actually told him before that I thought he was immature and he kind of just went uuuhh OK and shrugged it off. but I'm afraid of lashing out at him, and I'm totally not that kind of person lol, because first off he never expects that something wrong, gets confused and totally blown away, and second he is super sensitive and low self esteem.

[gedanken]

Well, just make sure that you let him know what's on your mind, constantly, and know at all times that you can do better than him. I think that if you want to keep growing as a person you have to drop the dead weight that is him. But if you insist on staying with him, then maybe drop an ultimatum on his ass and see if he rises to the challenge or falls into a needy depression. If he rises, keep him, if he falls, drop him or just spend a lot less time with him.

[Asker]

woow thanks. I didn't realize it was so serious to consider dumping him lol

[gedanken]

Depends on how long you've been dating ^^

[Asker]

6 months

[needlessthing]

well seems like the common case of one person learning to grow and their partner not. Bottom line, talk to him. Tell him how you feel and what he needs to do. If it doens't happen. Well the problem will solve itself. You will get to the point were enough is enough and you will grow apart from him. But I will say this. It is better to end it fast rather then let it die off. If it dies off then there will be more pain and a lot of resentment between you. There will be no chance for friendship or future romance when maybe you are both on the same maturity level.

[cbirnell]

You love him for him, or you just have him as a friend. Him acting immature and having self esteem issue are just a part of growing up. You can either realize that you are happy with him regardless, or you can realize you want someone different. It's entirely up to you. However, it is important that you never expect him to alter himself for you in any way. And it doesn't make him any lesser than you. It just means he will grow on his own.

[Asker]

no, I totally don't expect him to change him, and I do love him for who he is, but I'm just afraid now that I'm realizing that his behavior is effecting my respect for him and I don't know what to do.

[cbirnell]

Oh so you intend to stay with him already? Then I might suggest a little space. Not in terms of a break or anything. If you love him and he's getting on your nerves so easily I would suggest taking up a hobby, some 'you time' so you can not let things build up and bother you. Encourage him to hang with the guys a little more. Make sure he realizes you love him and will look forward to meeting up again after your 'you time.' Just something to try.

[Asker]

yeah I've already done that having time to myself and all that but he still annoys me, like when he texts me and we have only been seperated for a couple days now and he's already asking me to hangout again and got a little insecure when I couldn't (I really did have work to do) but I just don't like feeling like this. I feel bad that I find him annoying :(