We've been together for 3 months but he has been unemployed since then. I feel like I'm losing respect for him, cause he is not even trying to find a job. Should I break up with him? What to do? By the way, he is already in his 40s...
Feeling a loss of respect for your partner due to unemployment can be a challenging situation for both you and your partner. It's important to address these feelings constructively to avoid resentment and to support each other through this difficult time. Here are some steps you might consider:
Reflect on Your Feelings: Try to understand why you feel this way. Is it the unemployment itself, or is it how your partner is handling the situation?
Communicate Openly and Compassionately: Open communication is key in any relationship. Focus on how the situation makes you feel rather than placing blame.
Set Goals Together: Discuss the situation and set realistic goals together. Whether it's job hunting, considering new career paths, or even furthering education, having a plan can help both of you feel more positive about the future.
Offer Support: Unemployment can be incredibly stressful and damaging to one's self-esteem.
Focus on the Positive: Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and your partner's qualities that you admire. Remember why you're together in the first place.
Seek External Support: Sometimes, it helps to get an outside perspective. This could be from a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor.
Practice Self-care: Make sure you're taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. It's easier to support others when you're in a good place yourself.
Reevaluate Your Values: Sometimes, these situations can lead us to reevaluate what we truly value in a partner. Consider what is most important to you in a relationship and whether those needs are being met.
Be Patient: Finding a job can take time, especially in a tough job market.
If you find that the situation isn't improving despite your efforts, it might be helpful to seek couples counseling for further support...
It depends on you and on the general situation. If he has money to pay his bills, why do you care? If he doesn't and lives with your money (or his parents or whoever), why is he unemployed? Is it a health condition? a mental condition? Does he have a bad occupation and can't find a job, or is he just lazy and uses you?
do your math and check if you should stay or seek a better man for yourself
Starting at the beginning of what you should do: talk to him. What’s his plan and is he even trying? There’s a difference between a guy who’s not even trying and getting beat down by the constant rejection of applying for a job and not being hired. Depending what he does, it kinda matters. Is he a food worker where there’s three dozen job opportunities in a 5 mile radius or is he an EMT and there’s only two ambulance companies in town. Perhaps he needs a morale boost.
Now, having said that, truth is this: A 40-something year old man isn’t an 18yr old kid trying to figure life out. Truth is you’re seeing a lot right now. I, personally, know no 40+ men who need to be coached into getting a job and most already have well established careers. (There IS a difference!) You’re losing respect for him because his conduct isn’t very respectful - of himself or the life you two may wish to have together. This is the part of dating where you see what a person is made of beyond what they just say.
While I say talk to him and support him this is solely based on the hope that he’s really trying and just having a hard time. If he’s not trying then my personal advice if you and I were friends is to make it clear you are not here to support a man and it’s time to walk. AFTER he gets his act together you can revisit if a relationship is appropriate.
If he isn’t trying to find a job and just sitting around doing nothing , then yes you should leave him , but if he is trying to find a job and applying to jobs and making an effort , than you are best to stay with him and be by his side. I just got laid off from my job but my company gave me a nice severance to buy me some time , I been applying to jobs like crazy and pulling my hair out trying to find one , For whatever reason I am having no luck what so ever but I keep trying. The job market today absolutely sucks and I never experienced anything like this as to why. If a girl left me because I was having a hard time doing a job , she wouldn’t be the girl for me , I would just consider her a user , if I was sitting around doing nothing then yes she would have a right to leave me
Finding yourself in this romantic dilemma feels like trying to solve a puzzle where the pieces just don't seem to fit, doesn't it? The heart of the matter seems to be a blend of frustration and disappointment, which is totally understandable. Relationships thrive on mutual respect, and when that starts to wane, the foundation shakes. Before plotting an escape route, how about initiating an open dialogue? Share your feelings, concerns, and the importance of equal effort in your partnership. It's like a dance; both partners need to move in harmony. If he's stuck in a rut, maybe your words could be the nudge he needs. However, if the conversation turns into a merry-go-round with no change in sight, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship's future. Remember, love is a partnership, not a solo performance. Keep your well-being and happiness as top priorities when making your decision.
Opinion
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No respect for him is the end as you'll not feel good ir secure. If ges trying and failing is one thing. Depressed and moping around another. He should ge doing something.
Thats a tough age as its a change in life time… he may be due for a skills revamping and change in life.
Good luck…
Love him or let go because youd sink with him. Your call.
I'm very sorry about what I'm going to advise you here, but for me personally, 'respect' is the key word in any relationship. Without it? The relationship is already over. All you would be doing by staying is prolonging the inevitable.
The sensible thing here, would be to quit before there is a big argument and things get messy.
Just to be clear though, I'm not saying break up with him because he is unemployed. No, it has to do with that all important word 'respect'
is he suffering from some kind of mental health issue? There’s many symptoms that can cause this, such as avolition, so think long and hard if he is, and if he is he needs to get help
If he refuses to get help, or he is not suffering, you must end it
It’s like a drowning victim, you must protect yourself from becoming one too when you try to help, after all, you’re not a life guard, do not lose your life here
I would lose respect for him too. Once you see him as a looser is really hard to not see him as one anymore especially when he makes zero efforts. This is just the beginning soon you'll start feeling disgusted and everything about him is going to start to bother you. Cut things off before is too late.
Tell him clearly “I can’t really respect you when it seems like you’re not bothering to find a job, even just a small one.” And let him know that if it continues, you’re going to leave him because that’s not what you signed up for
It depends. If he's not even trying to find work and mooching off of you then yes leave, but if you see him trying to find work diligently then no just be there to encourage him to keep trying. Times are tough out here, especially when it comes to finding work. It's extremely difficult. Especially depending on where you guys live. Remember that everybody deals with being unemployed from time to time, it just depends on how we handle it. How hard we work to become employed again.
You say he's 40 like you're not lol. He was a loser when you met him jobless yet now he's a loser because 3 months went by? He was always a loser and stays one because he doesn't want to change. You stick around ignoring the red flags and for the sex, lowkey you're on some loser shit too by dating someone like that.
Unemployed 40 year old? And you've only been together 3 months? Assuming this isn't some crazy exceptional circumstance (like he just got dumped from Google as part of a mass layoff and he's holding out for a good offer), just get out.
I'd certainly be discussing things with him, letting him know how your feeling on the subject. Unless he's wealthy enough to support you both without working, I'd say this isn't someone a woman would wish for as a potential parent figure.
Perhaps something is bothering him, perhaps he feels like he's behind and he's stuck in a rut and needs help. If he is just not working because he wants to live off you? Yeah no. If something is up, help him. Some love and support goes a long way.
Depending on the cause of the unemployment and if he is seriously seeking other employment be patient and supportive. However, if he is just lazy and not trying you might want to discontinue the relationship.
Break up. He's not capable of caring for himself. Are you willimg to super him for the rest of his life? Is he contributing anything? It sounds like he needs treatment for depression.
well you don't love him then. love goes through good and through bad times. if you lose respect for him cause he's going through bad times, you don't love him. easy as that.
Have you... talked to him about it. That always is a good place to start... rather than asking strangers if you should break up with him.
Maybe help him find a job? Isn’t that your job as his girlfriend? To help him? Women these days don’t know that that comes with being together
unemployed, don't let him move in. if moved in divorce or dump.
This is what dating is all about. You see him in a bad time and he has disappointed you. Time to cut him loose.
Either dump him or get yourself a submissive male pay pig.
If he’s not making any type of effort, I would. That’s actually a dealbreaker for me. I understand not having a job, but not even looking/applying is just laziness to me.
3 months unemployed at age 40? Run... Like very fast!
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