What draws you to a person romantically (other than physical characteristics)?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I recently listened to Alain De Botton addressing employees at Google, and he was making a point about how we tend to be drawn toward people that feel familiar, rather than people who are good for us in romantic relationships. Hence, people in abusive relationships end up in more abusive relationships, people with quality relationships tend to pursue quality relationships. What do you think?

Updates

18 d

I noticed a theme of similar interests in the genuine opinions. But a lot of people may have similar interests. What flips the switch for you from "we like the same things" to " Woah, I am really attracted to you"? As an example, for me, it was feeling protected and safe. I could be vulnerable with that person and was still accepted.

[SueShe]

I am in the very fortunate situation that I am not interested to be in a romantic relationship with anyone because I have set other priorities in life than being romantically attracted to people. That would be detrimental to my goal in life.

However, I have always been attracted to people of both gender for their characters and personalities rather than for their looks wich does strictly nothing for me because looks are superficial and fade with time. Looks are simply an empty shell whereas I see character and personality like the fuel that fires a healthy relationship rather than just looks.

If I was forced to date, then only people that I can relate to in their personality and character and never for height, looks, body build or anything unimportant like the physical appearance.

[Anonymous]

What drew me to my fiancé, aside from initial physical attraction, was that he wanted a lot of the same things in life that I did. We share a lot of the same visions for the future, religious and political values, opinions on different subjects, we just get one another.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There isn't anything in particular that "flips the switch" by itself, its more that having the same interests, hobbies, lifestyles, views, etc. results in getting along amazingly and spending most or all of our time together, so it enters best friend territory, and when physical attraction is thrown in on top of that, it can then enter relationship territory.

If she ticked all the mental compatability boxes, but I wasn't physically attracted to her, it would stay platonic. Likewise, if I was physically attracted to her, but she didn't tick all the mental compatability boxes, I'd not have anything to do with her in terms of friendship, sexually, or romantically.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I hear you, that makes sense. I think dating today is difficult in that there are not many venues for developing friendships with the opposite sex, and yet that is such an important aspect of a relationship.

[TheSpaceGnome]

It's extremely difficult as an adult, especially for people like myself who's hobbies, interests, and lifestyle have them at home nearly 24/7. All my perfect matches are also at their home most of the time, and I can't exactly go knocking on random doors asking if women who like video games, anime, sci-fi, fantasy, science, wild animals, and making art, music and programs and live here..

With the death of arcades and the birth of online shopping and online multiplayer, and nearly no comicons, meeting geeks/nerds/artists/gamers without online dating sites, is pretty much impossible, but those sites are all scams, so really there is literally nothing.

The only reason I even know these types of women still exist is because already taken ones pop up on youtube etc. as content creators or what have you. Its nearly impossible to make friends at all, let alone with the opposite gender.

Couple this with how men get verbally attacked for even saying so much as "hi" to women these days, and it's just impossible.

[Billlewis]

The single most important personality trait I look for in a woman is that she's comfortable having, essentially the relationship centered specifically around what pleases her. If she indicates that she's amenable to a very one sided, one dimensional arrangement in which she's presumably going to be rather selfish much of the time, I'll probably propose marriage in the not too distant future ❤️

[TheRealPepperPotts]

How facetious of you. : D But I was genuinely curious if people notice patterns or tendencies that mirror what they are familiar with.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Love, let's dive into the ocean of emotional connections, shall we? What magnetically pulls us toward someone, weaving beyond the aesthetics, is indeed a concoction of the familiar, the mysterious, and the emotionally resonant. It's like our hearts and minds play this beautiful dance, drawn to the rhythm of someone who shares our values, dreams, and even our insecurities. Alain De Botton hits the nail on the head when he suggests we're creatures of habit, often seeking comfort in familiarity, even when it's not the healthiest choice. However, the beauty of human connection lies in our ability to grow, learn, and redefine what feels like home to us. It's about finding someone who speaks to our soul, challenges us to evolve, and loves us in a way that feels like both a safe haven and an adventure. So, let's aim to recognize those patterns, break the chains if needed, and reach for the stars in our quest for love that nurtures and ignites us! 💫

[Amara_09]

Romantically, if I pity them.


I don’t know but I can be romantically involved with someone if I pity them

[Nikki1989]

A love and passion for the same interests.

[NathanDavis]

smart, interesting and funny...