Do you feel guilty when you don’t return the same dosage of affection that you get?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Simple example from this morning:

As I was leaving home, worried about being late and wearing my Resting Bitch Face, which is especially bitchy in the mornings as I am late to work, I opened the door and saw this little Chinese housekeeper lady cleaning the hallway, She said “Hello, little beauty.”

I was in rush and analyzed her words later, I just hurriedly said “Hello” and smiled a bit, but I feel bad I didn’t smile more genuinely or didn’t return her warmth the same level she did.

Then I came work and in the square there were dancing grandmas, one of them was smiling at me, I smiled at her genuinely and waved at her and she felt happy according to her expression.

I just still feel bad that lady in the morning saw me with my resting bitch face and I could smile better maybe?

Now I am looking forward to seeing her again so I’ll be more polite.

[molonski2]

Yes , Karma , the example you give is good and I can understand that , that poor little lady ( just like here ) will be working for fck all , and she still took the time to smile and greet , yes I have done this also a regretted.

Best example I can give to correct , in China where we were staying ( our group ) there was one particular girl who was assigned to us , not so pretty , very efficient , working for big hotel chain ( earning fck all again ) , he had to wear this particular style of shoe , that she had to pay for , it was a heel , this day she broke the shoe , she was so devastated and it was all around the cost , took a look at the style , the size , and without saying anything , go her 2 new pairs , think total cost was $25 aud $ ( for 2 ) can't recall to Rnb , to see her face when we gave them to her was enough payback , she burst into tears of joy , couldn't believe it !

As for us , we got 4 times that in free drinks and service = karma.

Do something nice for the lady , right out of the blue.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I hope to see her again soon, she was so sweet and I couldn’t even acknowledge and smile decently I was so lost in my worries.

I feel like she was so cute, I smiled as soon as I passed by her, but I saw her unexpectedly and was in a rush and didn’t quickly sense what to do, as I was walking hurriedly. Still smiled a little and said hello but I feel like I could be nicer.

[AviatorTom]

No, Love is not a scale that always stays in balance.

Sometimes, it tips one way, sometimes the other.

[dreamelle]

Definitely, sometimes to the point that it’s all-consuming, it led to the downfall of a relationship due to the guilt I felt even with a super supportive partner.

But I’ve come to realise that if I gave a lot of affection and in some occasions my partner was tired/ sad etc. and didn’t have the energy to return it, I wouldn’t hate them and I’d understand. So seeing myself in third person, why should I hate myself for occasionally not being able to give back either?

(Of course this isn’t applicable to all situations and if a relationship is imbalanced that’s not good. I think it’s all about net balance: sometimes the scale will go one way, other times the other, as long as the net balance is equal then you’re doing okay).

[Account]

I don't because that doesn't happen. I return the exact same dosage of affection or politeness or of hostility and aggression.
Basically I return the exact same that I receive.
Guilt regarding that has no place here.

[Account]

It also depends on the other person's intention (s) and I can usually tell if it is innocent or if there is an ulterior motive.

[Purpleronnie]

In your defense you were a little distracted but don’t beat yourself up over it , you leveled out your karma by overcompensating 😝.


I think I’ve done this but not consciously and yes I have felt guilty. What I have chosen to do is to try and be more “present” not that I’m sayin I have fixed it , just that it has helped

[SotiCoto]

Hell no. The same reason I wouldn't ever feel guilty about not "reciprocating" gifts I never asked for. They're an imposition.
I'm never going to feel bad about not giving back in turn what I never wanted in the first place.

[genericname85]

no. it's more that feeling you get when someone you barely know suddenly has a gift for you out of nowhere. it's not "guilty". it's like "wtf. i don't wanna reciprocate this. why are they even doing this?"

[dustybiker2]

The affection is mutual. Often cheesy.

[DishLady]

I don't know. That’s never happened to me before.

[jahaims]

No, emotions fluctuate

[LiamJHayden]

No, nor am I offended when she doesn't.

[eagle1951]

yes and no