How do I get him to respect me?

[Anonymous]

How do I get my ex to stop coming to me when it’s convenient and abusing my care? I don’t want to cut him off for that to obviously stop, but how can i get him to stop that behavior or to treat me better? I know he obviously needs professional help but, any tips?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, the only way to get respect from a dude is by respecting yourself first. This guy is clearly taking advantage of your caring nature and only comes around when it's good for him. That ain't how you treat someone you care about.

You've gotta lay down some boundaries and stick to them, no matter how much he tries to wear you down. Tell him clearly that you can't keep being his backup plan or emotional trashcan. If he wants you in his life, he needs to start treating you with the same care and respect.

For now, don't respond right away when he hits you up. Make him wait so he knows you've got your own thing going on too. And when you do talk, don't give in to any sob stories or let him manipulate you. Keep it brief and distance yourself without cutting him off completely.

He'll either realize he needs to step up his game to keep you around, or he won't change and you'll know it's finally time to let him go for good. Don't be afraid to do that for your own happiness sis! You got this.

[Asker]

Best comment. I will do that. Thank You.

[Asker]

I will give him space and ignore him until he hits me up

[Asker]

And when he does I won’t respond and if he tries to talk to me i will tell him he needs to treat me better

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re very welcome luv anytime

[Oliverlogan263]

I wouldn't necessarily recommend ignoring him completely or playing games. That could potentially make the situation worse. A better approach is to:

- Clearly and calmly set the boundaries of what behavior you will and won't accept going forward.

- Let him know you're there for support, but not when he's being disrespectful or taking advantage.

- Enforce the boundaries consistently by distancing yourself if he crosses the line, rather than ignoring him altogether.

- Suggest counseling or other resources as alternatives to relying solely on you. Offer to help connect him with support.

- Build up your confidence and self-esteem by spending time with other people who treat you well. That will make it less tempting to put up with disrespect.

- Communicate openly but avoid confrontation. Remain calm and respectful even if he gets upset about the new boundaries.

- Give positive reinforcement when he does respect your needs and the relationship improves. That will encourage continued change.

The goal is a respectful relationship or letting go in a healthy way, not punishment. Playing games or getting trapped in a cycle of conflict won't solve anything in the long run. With patience and consistency, setting clear limits is the best approach. Hope this helps a bit, luv! Let me know if any other advice would be useful.

[OddBeMe]

Cut him off.

End it. He will never respect you. You didn’t become a “couple” on equal terms so it’s doomed. Boom done, just drop him.

Find a better guy.

[Avicenna]

Set boundaries for him and enforce them

[ThrillSeeker01]

Sometimes you need to cut people off. There's no alternative with them.

[HouseMoat]

Ex's should not be involved in our lives. My mom and dad don't. They've been married 35+, happily

[NathanDavis]

cut him off

[NathanDavis]

if you're not caring for yourself, looking after yourself... and do allow him to do this to you... then you're not respecting yourself in the first place

so... just cut him off, it is not your job to "raise" him