Guys, what can a girlfriend do to make you feel better after she hurts you?

[Anonymous]

Right now I hurt my previous boyfriend because of my own insecurities and past abandonment issues. All because I caught him on WhatsApp. After he told me that he hardly uses that app.

Yes, in the past we have gotten into arguments before. But after a fight, we sleep on it. Then kiss and makeup. But just recently I caught him on WhatsApp and I started calling him out on it and yelling at him during his work hours.

He kept trying to explain his actions and said “he was talking to a client.” Oh really? He talks to clients late at night? Then my past trauma came rushing through my head. Of my ex cheating on me and flirting with other girls online. I was seeing the same pattern. The same actions, the same arguments, the same lies…..

To which my boyfriend talking and explaining his stories was blurred to my ears. And my head filled with the past.

I kept yelling at him and calling him out and demanded his WhatsApp password to believe his story. But he wouldn’t give it to me. He ended the argument by saying “I don’t have the energy to fight with you. You are always looking for flaws and I try to prove myself to you everyday and make time for you even during work.”

Now I woke up to a text from him saying he doesn’t want to talk to me and he needs his space to heal. Then he sent me a ebook about healthy relationships.

Now I’m questioning myself and asking 1) why am I like this?
2) why can’t I be a good girlfriend?

So guys, please: What can a girlfriend do after she hurts you? (I need a male brain perspective here)

[SnowedIn]

You have a rough hill to climb.

The key is what you wrote here: "I kept yelling at him and calling him out and demanded his WhatsApp password to believe his story. But he wouldn’t give it to me. He ended the argument by saying “I don’t have the energy to fight with you. You are always looking for flaws and I try to prove myself to you everyday and make time for you even during work.”"

@Iron_Man said it right: you can't do it again. Not even once. There's so much there: you don't trust him. You're yelling at him. It sounds like you're badgering him. That's all pretty rough. I wouldn't want to come back or stay.

But you asked what you can do. First, be quiet. Give him the space he's asking for. Let him come back on his time table and his terms. Second, say that your sorry in whatever way that he will know it's genuine (that looks different from everyone). Third, don't repeat all this stuff. Those are the answers, plus time. Any answer to your title question of "feel better" is going to be a band aid. You need to fix what's causing the wound, not the wound itself.

[Iron_Man]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

"I don’t have the energy to fight with you."

At this point you should tremble. When men say this, it means that and you are crossing limits of how much a man will tolerate what he's tolerating. In other words your actions are making him feel fundamentally more lethargic than he's able/willing to handle. If that man is anything like me, the energy would be spent wisely not getting a letter of termination of employment than words for basically nothing.

Do the opposite of that and be the source of rejuvenating energy he needs in order to do the things that matter and not have him risk receiving a letter of employment termination. The very thing, that allows him to get the next bacon or pizza and wine for the both of you.

[Pegases]

Go heal and leave him alone. Hurt people hurt people. That's the reason why healing before you get into a relationship is so important. You end up hurting people you care about, and then you lose them anyway. You're not right for him right now, and thats ok. Own it, take your time to heal, and let that man live in peace.

[Anonymous]

WhatsApp is just an IM platform. Just sayin.

You need to be contrite, genuinely apologetic, and most importantly, never, ever do it again.

You are letting your insecurities ruin your relationship. I would suggest therapy might be helpful in avoiding that behavior in the future.

[Shamalien]

You need to fix your issues otherwise you will just keep hurting him. You could try setting a safe word and when he says it, take a deep breath and just listen. Go quiet

[Iron_Man]

Just don’t do it again be sincere, be genuine, and make it up to him

[Anonymous]

Give him a blow job in the most loving way like kissing his dk, balls and swallowing his cum that would make me forgive any girl.