my ex (broke up this morning) is the sweetest, most considerate woman I've ever met. when things are going great and she's happy, she treats me the best way she can. cares about me in a way no one else had shown me before. somehow sometimes, something gets to her. i dont know what it is or what triggers her, but she would go from the happiest person alive who's in love with me to the coldest person I've ever met in my life who doesn't care how much she's hurting me. it broke my heart every single time. hell im heartbroken right now. i feel like she broke me. she was the only person i wanted to be a good man for. because deep down i really dont believe im good. at the same time im not even mad at her. after everything. she's the only person who can make me feel this bad but she's the same person who can make me feel so happy. i know im always gonna be in love with her. i know she's gonna find someone else while im gonna die alone in the cold.
she's been pushing me away. because she has a hard time finding individuality when she's in a relationship. she wants more for her self and i dont blame her for that. i just wish she'd let me in to support her, but she couldnt. she said she loves me so much that when im in her life im the only thing she can be focused on. as much as i like that, i also know it would never have worked. we both knew. so after a lot of times i begged her to stay with me because i need her, i finally let her go. i saw how much our relationship was hurting her.
i dont know how im gonna go on from here. i know im never gonna love someone else. she's asked me to not talk to her again because she said she wouldn't be able to ignore me. we've been in a situation before where we break up for a day but couldnt stay away from each other. i think this time we're really done.
