How to know if he is being genuine when he says he is working on himself? If he is, will he come back?

[Anonymous]

My relationship lasted 4.5 years, and it ended 2 weeks ago. We are doing the no-contact rule, so I can't discuss anything with him now. But, he decided to end it because he "felt like the bad guy," communication/compatibility issues, and my close-minded family (even though that was a minor issue out of everything). He said that he wanted to work on himself to understand his emotions/feelings better, make himself a better person, needed time/space, and he couldn't do it while we were together still. He also said he couldn't guarantee that he would return right now since he is unsure what he wants and has started therapy to figure that out. He discussed moving to another state since most of his family lives there, but he hadn't told me when he planned to leave. He even broke up with me over the phone and not in person. I asked to see him at least one more time in person to discuss it at least (we live 3 hours away from each other), and he said no.

I'm unsure how to feel about all of this besides a massive unfairness since I deserve the "best" version of him when he is done with therapy, and I didn't want to end it. I have researched his likelihood of returning online, and it seemed up in the air. The breakup wasn't the worst, and I know he still loves/cares about me to a certain degree since we did last this long. I feel like I am not getting all of the information about how he feels since he mentioned how he was "done/tired" of the relationship, but his plan after a month of no contact was to be "friends" (which could easily change now) initially with the breakup. What do you think? Do you think there's a chance of him returning after therapy? I know not to bank on it, but I wanted to see if other people were in a similar situation and what happened. His mom still supports me and is helping me process this the best she can. It feels weird because it felt rushed, and he seems indifferent about it all now. Like he even bought an engagement ring for me and everything.

No, he isn't going to return at all

Yeah, he will return after therapy/time alone to try the relationship again

Yeah, he will return to only be friends for the rest of your life

other (comment below)

Updates

10 mo

When I mentioned an engagement ring, he bought that about year 2 into the relationship because we were THAT serious. Within the last 6 months, he told me he was unsure about when he wanted to marry, and I told him I didn't mind waiting for him whenever he was ready. He kept saying that I am a great person after the breakup too. We had powerful feelings for each other at a young age, and he might have decided to leave to understand himself better before committing. He didn't say that directly

[Paris13]

I broke Of a LDR I had Been In for Nearly 4 years because of Many reasons. I Vented for MONTHS to Him with Much Resentment But Now-----We finally Can be Civil and I May even Do Video Chat with Him Weekly. I am Not Certain I would RETURN to His Waiting Arms (I am sure of That part He Wants me back) But I do Know I never Stopped Wanting Him in my Life. Even if Friends. I would Say in your Situation it is 50-50. If He is in Therapy, He could Find himself and Realize He is Missing your Kissing or May Just want friends or Could Move on. Focus on You and Move on for now. He Has a Long Road to Go... xxoo

[Asker]

I'm anxious about that because I don't know what to expect. He said he didn't want to guarantee anything after therapy, but I'm scared he will move on without giving us another chance since we were so serious

[Paris13]

I see 50-50 right now. Focus on You.

[Paris13]

Thank You, Ms. pink. xxoo

[Nikki1989]

That sounds like a weak cop-out on his part.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[BlackJeep]

If he is genuine about working on himself he will have a higher view of himself. You need to work on yourself so he also sees you as having a higher value. However, you got a phone breakup after 4.5 years. Thats bad

[Asker]

That's true; I am working on myself now. We are long distance, so I think that is why.

[Staximus]

If you wait around for somebody, you're going to be waiting around forever. And nevermind that long distance crap. He should have got off his ass and moved to your city. Find somebody in your city.

[Asker]

Well he told me he wanted to move there even before the breakup since most of his family is there (besides his immediate family) and wanted to spend more time with them. I told him that I didn't mind moving there with him when I was ready since I am in grad school, but he ended the relationship now.

[Blueeyes81]

If he finds himself the chances of you two still being compatible is slim to none. Don't hold out hope as it will keep you stuck and ultimately crush you.

[Asker]

I think he was just using the compatibility thing as a lame excuse/cop-out since we were able to last this long for a reason. I will admit the communication aspect was a work in progress, but we genuinely enjoyed spending time together since we have a similar sense of humor. He kept thinking we weren't compatible since we liked different things, but that's normal.

[msc545]

how old is he?

[Asker]

24 years old

[msc545]

He is far too young to get married as are you.

[Asker]

I wasn't rushing it. We discussed it, and at first he was fine with it that's why he got the ring. But, then he started to state that he wasn't sure what he wanted from life in general and that he might wanted to wait on the engagement, and I told him that was fine. I didn't mind waiting however long he needed.

[msc545]

I think you dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

why do you say that?

[msc545]

Divorce is miserable.

[In_Trance]

He's railing other girls

[Asker]

How do you know?

[In_Trance]

Because of the things you said

[strateguy632]

.3rd