Did he realize I forgave him?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Today I wished happy birthday to my ex fiance, I wanted him to know, I have no bad feelings to him, I no longer feel resentment and even though we aren’t getting back together, I still remember his birthday and I am not going to withdraw good wishes just because we are no longer together.

I messaged him the driest message possible. I think it made him happy, because he’s usually very reserved and serious with his symbol usage.

All I wanted him to know is that he can go on without the burden of guilt and I still remember and feel happy he was born and I have no bad feelings left.

Updates

+1 y

From this day on, I promise I won’t ask any questions about my ex, unless I really have to (in case he contacts me and I need your help to let him know he is not getting back with me)…

[Lliam]

Forgiving him is the best thing you can do... for your own peace of mind. You've moved on, you have a healthy state of mind and are better prepared for the world than before, and you have a bright future ahead.

I'm sure he knows that you have forgiven him. I wonder, though, if it bothers him that you no longer miss him.

[molonski2]

If I were him , I would not assume , tell him.

Is his birthday 24th July? Same date as my daughter.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep. Happy birthday to your daughter.

Nope, I don’t want to tell him, I just don’t want him to remember hurt, weak and resentful. As I was shortly after break up.

When he called me week ago I told him I am very happy where I am and that he doesn’t need to feel guilty about a thing, because I love my new life.

I wished him a happy birthday because I wanted to and because I am no longer hurt and angry at him.

I don’t care too much now, I just don’t want him to remember me sad, as I was after break up.

[molonski2]

hmmm , thats extremely intense , I think all men hate to think of any partner ( new or old ) as sad and crying , I know I've done this ( completely unintentionally ) a number of times , as I'm sure happened with him , coz he sounds a fantastic guy.. and sometimes , I have been lying in bed thinking about that and just had an horrendous feeling..
Thinking , along the lines of , I wish it had been clear cut , with her just dumping me , but you know , like I said previously these things are never black / white , no side is faultless , its just the way things go , and you just can't change things sometimes.
Doesn't mean you dont care.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I totally agree. He has said to me after break up, when he was in a new relationship, that he couldn’t sleep out of guilt. He broke up with that girl, t posted a picture with her, I know he didn’t, out of respect to my feelings, he didn’t want to further hurt me. He fell out of love with me, but I think he still cared, because we had a beautiful relationship.

Week ago he called me and told me he always believes he will owe me something forever and he always feels guilty for what he has done. I, though, realized that he hurt me but it’s not fully his fault, he waited for me for 2 years during pandemic, calling me every morning and evening, made me feel loved even when we no longer lived together cause we were suddenly separated by long distance.

So… It’s more if the fault if the pandemic, distance, time and a bit fault of me and a bit fault of him.

He loved me deeply at some point and I don’t doubt that.

I just didn’t want him to have that horrendous feeling when remembering me at nights, as you described it. I want him to remember me, happy, strong and independent, as I was when we first met and when he remembers me, he can remember me fondly, instead of guiltily.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

*he never posted a picture with that girl while they were together after our relationship. It was funny because during our relationship, he had my picture as his profile and cover photos.

[RoseySarah]

No probably thinks you just wanna hook up or something for his birthday or just you are okay with how he treated u

[BoopBoopBeep]

No. I can wish someone a happy birthday without forgiving them. Were I him, I would not assume you'd forgiven me.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

That's very big of you. I guess it's healthy for you too, but IMHO he should feel guilty and realize what he had and feel bad for messing it up.

[ChiTown33]

It doesn't matter. All you can do is be honest. After that, how it's received is how it's received. He said "thank you". I'd just take it at face value.

[exitseven]

These things are complicated. There are many different emotions in play. You want to convey forgiveness and maybe he still feels guilt.

[MementoMori777]

Yep or gave him the wrong idea

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What makes you think he got a wrong idea?

[MementoMori777]

The emoji, let's not forget women don't normally go out of their way without an intention, same with men so you sending him a message which he most likely didn't expect now will create assumptions and the first one will be "does she still have feelings for me?" Cause it's one thing to say you don't and it's another thing to completely go out of your way to message him, let's not forget now he also knows you were thinking of him

[MementoMori777]

Fuck it, ima say it, I'm personally convinced you have feelings for him still, if I'm not mistaken I think I told you this already but I never shared the signs on why I think so but until now there wasn't clear evidence, the more you mentioned that you were over him the more it pointed to the opposite, you see, it's normal to think of the person but when you are constantly bringing him up it means a form of attachment you might still have for the person, you also felt weird on his birthday which isn't a normal reaction for someone that has already moved on, this is your first step backwards because you went from being over him to messaging him again, then he will eventually reach out to you again and from there I can't really tell you what happens, all these things just point out to you having feelings for him still, if he believed you were over him before, I'm not so sure he will now, I know you are probably gonna deny all of this, you can only fool yourself here really, I'm speaking from experience, the only time I texted my ex again was when I wasn't over her and this all seems familiar to me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I understand. It’s just “happy birthday”. I wish that to lots if people on social media

[MementoMori777]

Sure

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I will always have feelings for who he was when we lived together, I will also always remember how he hurt me later on.

I am not getting back together with him ever. However, I was resentful when we last talked months ago and I didn’t want him to remember me that way.

That’s more of a goodbye for mr.

[MementoMori777]

I'm not here to force you to stop talking about your ex, I saw the update, the whole point of my reply wasn't to stop you from talking about your ex cause you have emotions and it's totally normal, its more in case you are in a form of denial I was trying to break it, after all acceptance is the first step into getting over someone, if you are stuck in that denial state, you might never get over the person fully, or it will take long

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you for trying that. I’ll think about your words..

[MementoMori777]

Good day Fatale 💯🙏🏽

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

You too ☺️☺️

[KrakenAttackin]

If you mean you want him to move on, than don't message him again.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m glad you guys are in a good place

[love_conquers_lust]

That is a goofy reply.

Nice scooter.

[justabuddy]

Are you riding a scooter? :)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope, that pic is from when I was 23 in Bali. In Bali everyone rides scooters, cars are literally almost useless due to traffic jams.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

So, when you go to Bali you can rent a scooter. This scooter though, belonged to my friend.

[justabuddy]

Sounds like fun

[msc545]

ask him