What's the number one reason for divorce in your opinion?

[Anonymous]

[ManOnFire]

Well, I have to break it down like this: the vast majority of divorces are initiated by women, around some 70%. Why do they initiate it? Well, according to many sources - and even from women who try their damndest to spin it so that it doesn't make women look so bad - it's because the women get fed up with men being lazy, not changing, not doing house work, etc.

But here's the kicker: 8 times out of 10, when the women meet these men, they already see and know that he is like that, but decide to go with him anyway in the hopes that he will change, or the women think they can change him. The chances of that happening are slim to none. They are being foolish and choose pain. Those men are going to keep being lazy, selfish, not getting off the PS5, not changing and getting into shape, etc. because they see that their woman is tolerating it, and they figure "She keeps putting up with me because she loves me, so I don't need to do better." And then when the woman can't take it anymore, she's ready to leave.

Are these men innocent in the situation? Of course not. But it falls more on the women because most times they chose the guy the way he was from the beginning when they didn't have to. That is the no.1 one reason for divorce.

[RavVid]

The median length (50%) of marriage is 8 years and divorce is largely unilaterally declared by the wife.

Eight years is about the time it takes to have two babies and to get the youngest into elementary school. The average involves 1.8 children - most divorces involve two children and some just one.

By the time the kiddies are in elementary school the husband usefulness declines dramatically because elementary school is inherently a child minder allowing the wife to work. The husband is locked into child support. The wife is probably bored with the husband by now and would prefer him not to be in her home.

So the wife unilaterally divorces him as he is no longer useful.

[Asker]

this makes the most sense to me. Thanks for the detailed explanation with time frames and everything. I sometimes wonder if my friends and family who recently got married will end up divorced or be together for the long haul. They seem happy so hopefully they don't become a statistic but the statistics are not good.

[RavVid]

You're welcome and thanks for the MHO. I have spent some time on the stats around this. There is another blip up at around 20 years when the children leave home and it is an empty nest. If a couple clock up 30 years they are very unlikely to divorce but 20 years is not enough it seems.

Boredom, lack of excitement does seem to be a factor in wives unilaterally divorcing. We are pretty excited by a new woman but that realistically only lasts a certain amount of time and it doesn't help that female sexual desire declines significantly as a bond forms. Spicing things up seems to be a frequent theme in women's mags. Expectations are probably set too high.

It does seem contradictory if women lose sexual desire but equally want sexual excitement from their guy. Maybe as an antidote to losing desire? A new man seems to be the frequent solution.

The problem with all the stats is that they all measure something different so it is hard to put a consistent picture together.

Hope your friends make it and stay happy together. Cheers

[Bethany22]

Failure to realize that the other person is doing all that they can to make the marriage work, it may just not be in the way that you want to be treated, but they are treating you the way they would like to be treated. So all you assume is that they are being lazy, when in reality, they're doing the best that they can.

[jennifer_bloom]

I read money is the most common driver behind divorce but I believe abuse is a bigger driver. I know divorced people, and all but 7 divorced over domestic violence. The remaining 7 divorced for other reasons.

[OlderAndWiser]

People get married with unrealistic expectations. They expect marriage to be fun and exciting every day, and the first time they encounter conflict, they decide that marriage was a mistake.

My grandmother frequently said, "Marriage is the most difficult job you will ever have." She was right. Marriage requires attention and effort and a willingness to place the marriage above your individual desires.

Marriages don't fail. . . PEOPLE fail. They fail each other.

[Jackblue]

Indeed, men get upset their wives put out less and less and women get upset that their husbands make less and less effort to woo them. Thus people get bored.

[AviatorTom]

The classic statement... Without marriage there would be no divorce.

Relationships change over time. In my own case, my ex-wife and I got married because we wanted to raise a family. When the kids got older, we realized that we really didn't have that much in common, and amicably divorced after 20 years.

[icebrg25]

What else man? Cheating s*** everybody's running around screwing each other like you know what's the thing to do. That's why I say we put term limits on marriages. Give him 5 years then do a checkup. See if they want to stay together, but you know what I'm going to take like this to me. The lowest form of life is a person who knowingly messes with someone who's already involved with married. That's the laws form of life because when I'm out in I run across to a married woman. You don't find out you have to buy talking and stuff that I just send her ass home. Tell her to look come on home your husband and settle things out with him. Be out here trying to pick up other men and all that s*** going on. That's what you need to be. That's where you need to be and that's who you need to be talking to. Not me. Could never do that mess with someone else's woman man. That's that's wrong. That's low low life

[Jackblue]

I think a lot of women are too eager to settle down fearful that they will be too old to have children and die a "lonely old spinster" with a dozen cats who everyone addresses as Ma'am and they settle for men who aren't ideal. My aunt married a man who turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic. She has since divorced him, I don't think she regrets marrying him for she has two daughters now whom she loves, but all the same, that I think is the reason.

[madhatters4]

as they say irreconcilable differences. people just realize that they are not meant to be with the person

[Nikki1989]

It is usually cheating or issues with money.

[pickles77]

I heard that much more people started getting divorced after birth control was introduced. I suppose it makes the barrier to cheat a bit thinner. For both men and women.

[Anonymous]

It's not a matter of opinion. STatistically, the biggest reason divorces happen is a lack of commitment.

[Sharkstealth]

The Stoic teachings say to never trust someone who seeks to many friends.

[QuietRunner]

marriage

without marriage there is no divorce

[Simslover92]

Between finances and cheating.

[sage2021]

By far I smell a cheater! Off with your head!!!

[EmmaMary]

CHEATING/UNFAITHFUL.

[exitseven]

I suspect it is money.

[jahaims]

Poor morals and values

[Twalli]

100% of divorces result from marriage.

[Astarlessnightsky]

marriage.

[Anonymous]

Financial problems or cheating

[LiamJHayden]

Selfishness.

[SlayingBoooty69]

selfish people