Ex reaches out after 15 years?

[Anonymous]

I’m happily married with kids. My first girlfriend and I separated 15 years ago. I never looked back. I heard she got married too. But I got an uncanny text from her a few days ago asking how I’m doing, that she’s doing some “reflecting” and feels bad. Why now? Should I do anything?

Updates

+1 y

Talking with my wife i agree no response is appropriate here. It just seems odd and honestly kind of selfish of my ex to resurface old emotions when she already knows I’m married. For me to tell her I’m doing great and happy would only make her feel worse. And reconnecting would only remind her of what life could have been like. Hell with that. I feel she’s taking a shot in the dark maybe I’m struggling, divorced or whatever and we can reconnect. Um no. I’ll pass

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I dunno what's going on 15 years later with your ex reaching out like that, but I'd be super cautious.

People don't usually reflect back that far unless something's up. Maybe her marriage is rocky or she's going through some midlife crisis junk. Who knows.

I wouldn't respond or encourage further contact. You got your own good thing going now with your wife and kids - no need to stir up old drama.

If she texts again, just say you're happy with your life but wish her the best or something generic like that. Don't reveal much personal info or ask questions back.

You don't owe her anything after all this time. Protect what you built man. Not worth the risk messing with past relationships when your present's so good!

Keep living your best life with your family. If she keeps at it, you might have to be more direct that you're not interested in reconnecting. But hopefully she'll get the hint with a simple reply. Stay solid, bro!

[Asker]

Agree 100%

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe events in her life led her to have an epiphany and she relaizes that she messed up with you and now feels she should apologize. Yes, it would be better if she had not reached out, especially if she knows that you are happily married, but perhaps she doesn't know that.

You have wisely told your wife about this so that there is no possible appearance of you trying to conceal something.

[Asker]

Yeah. And wife says keep that door closed. I agree

[OlderAndWiser]

I concur.

[rosemilk]

say thanks for the apology and then end it there

[laly520]

block her
ex stay in past

[ManOnFire]

It's possible that she is genuinely looking back and realizing how she fucked up with you, and she is sorry about it. Maybe she got treated the same way she treated you and now it has made her reflect. Some people do change and see how they messed up. Or, she's alone and wants to see if some reconnection can happen.

Whatever the reason, you can simply say thank you for reflecting and finally coming to realize what you did, and then leave it at that. Keep that door closed and stay focused on your happy family.

[Asker]

I didn’t mention, but last I saw her I did have a sense of closure. I think maybe she wanted more at the time. But again that was 15 years ago. So to reach out again seeking “closure” seems like a desperate attempt at receiving validation

[ManOnFire]

Yep, my same thought. Go with your gut. Leave that door closed. She'll find her way and hopefully not make the same mistakes with another man.

[Asker]

I agree thanks

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she want's closure?