Ex is distant but reaching out?

rcoop83
My ex and I have been broken up for about a year. We’ve had a couple of periods that we have talked and gone out, but nothing that has really held together. I still have feelings for her and I believe that she possibly does for me as well. It’s her sons birthday and since we were together for a couple of years I still think a lot of her kids. She reached out to me last week and I mentioned seeing her kids since it was his birthday. Sunday she called me and wanted to get together sooner and spend the afternoon together with her kids. She has throughout our times of talking over the last few months stated to me that we could never be together, and I believe that there is something that she has kept from me that she is embarrassed about but won’t come clean over it. I’m not the judgmental type and I’m ok with most things as long as it’s talked about; honesty is key, right? So she has been very chatty since our afternoon together... called me on her way home, messaged this morning, messaged this evening multiple times. She even reached over and held my hand since we rode together. She leaned in and kissed me bye before I left as well. She asked in passing about my dating life and whether it was going well or not. She’s going to a wedding so I asked if she had a hot date, she said no she was going stag, so to me all indicators are that she wants to be back together but she keeps saying she could never be in a relationship with me again. I know her friends don’t care for me, something that’s on them because I’m 1) not the judgmental type, 2) not the controlling type, and 3) I’ve always gotten along with them just fine. So does anyone see something I don’t? What’s the endgame here? Am I being played or what the hell is going on. A little background is that she lost her mom in her early 20’s and lost her kids dad a few years back. They weren’t together anymore at the time of his passing. I’ve wondered if she’s afraid to commit due to her fear of losing someone else.
Ex is distant but reaching out?
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