Is it okay to stay friends with an ex you’re in love with?

Question

(F25) (M27) first serious relationship, dated for like 8 months and we both have so much to do to build our careers, I lost my virginity to him, I love him but I feel bad for canceling on things when I have to study or work so we both decided to break up in order to focus on ourselves. it’s not the same but we still talk multiple times a week. I’m not sure if I made the right decision and my friends are saying it’s a disservice to stay friends with him and not cut him off because otherwise what’s the point. Not sure what to do

jazzyjic78 · Accepted Answer

It might be okay to remain friends with him, it seems like you're building your communication with him. It seems like the only part missing is intimacy because you want to focus on your career goals which is okay.

If you still love him you have to understand that you were once making love to him and he is a man, so remember he has to get that from somewhere/somebody. So, with that being said don't think that one day you can probably come running back to him and think you're the main chick again.

Because it doesn't work like that, he may have become attached to the new girl that's riding that pony. And all the time your friends aren't correct and don't have the best advice. They will have you doing shit they refuse to do. You'll be single listening to them. And majority of the time, one of them always wants him for themselves.

So stay focused on your career goals and if you want him back set some boundaries and it can work. Date night can be on off days and no school days, you have to figure something out.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

It’s not ok — it’s not healthy. They’re eventually going to find someone and you’re eventually going to feel hurt. It will also hamper your ability to find someone who genuinely loves you.

Unless you can hone your feelings into a genuine friendship (with NO romantic intentions) you should step away from this person.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Ay sis, I feel you on this one being in a tough spot. Breaking up is hard enough without losing someone you care about too. Here's what I think:

It's okay to stay friends if you both want the same thing - which is supporting each other's growth even if romantically you gotta do separate things right now. As long as you're not holding on hoping to get back together some day.

That said, total no contact might be healthier for actually moving on fully in your heart too. Hard to stop feeling attached when you're still texting all the time.

My advice - maybe take a little space. Don't cut him off completely but don't be quite as available either for a while. Focus on you and your goals 100%.

If it's meant to be, y'all can reconnect down the line once you're both in healthier spots. But for now distance will help with clarity. And if you meets someone new, no regrets.

Big sis has your back! You got this.

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

It’s healthier to cut and move on. Remember, love is letting go. Not of people or things necessarily- but of what we want. Holding on means you want or desire something of him. Perhaps you reminisce of times past or you yearn to remember the good things. Soon the chaos will become tolerable. And you’ll find yourself in a repeating cycle without any growth.

Let go of what you want. When you are both ready, you will know. But that “ready” requires change towards a brighter future, You can’t change for the future if you’re always holding onto the past.

L_xiro · Answer

From a perspective of a man I highly recommend you to not do so ! It may seems normal at first but it's really not hanging up the phone when you should to 🙃 and believe me I've been there and nothing did really scars me like that , not only on your next move Wich gonna make it harder foryouand for the next partner to really get to now you , but sometimes at least to me that emotions seems to just glorify a little by a little leaving me w with a scar I didn't really recover from 🙃 life's stopes for no one and if you keep hurting yourself loving someone who moved on , it want really get you anywhere I'd advise to clear your mind focus on what you do really want , and cencedring to move on would be best , friendship will just make forgetting about that love harder and harder believe me

Anonymous · Answer

Well it sounds like it was a sad breakup not an angry one. You could of kept it friends with benefits if you both were too busy to commit to a full relationship.

However exes can be friendly but not friends (unless they agree on something else). At some point one of you is going to meet someone else and the other is going to notice. That’s not going to be a fun moment for one of you. That’s why you keep you distance.

hahahmm · Answer

Not if you want to move on with your life because either you will not give other guys a chance OR other guys will assume you are still into something with your ex. The higher quality guys aren't interested in that situation at all.

cluelessromantic · Answer

If you both are happy with it and feel that the friendship is adding to your lives- nothing wrong with that. If one of you still has feelings for the other, or if you both still have feelings but just know the relationship isn’t right, then maybe not so much. Sounds torturous to me.

Anonymous · Answer

If you can maintain boundaries and keep it to yourself if there is no reciprocation to that attachment, sure, otherwise, you're just torturing yourself and/or may need to talk to someone to help you slowly let go.

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

No, because they're not your friend. You can't undo certain things once a line has been crossed.

The best thing to do is move on and stop entertaining the possibility of something that didn't work to begin with.

Makeushiver · Answer

It might he a little masochistic. If you were wounded in break up than further contact may do nothing hut aggravate the wound.

snowboarder720 · Answer

That would be a no. Friends having the title of “you’re in love with”them” aren’t friends.

moneymagnet24 · Answer

I'm friend with my exs but sex involved in our friendship... otherwise I won't be friend with my old toys.

sheikalana · Answer

Nope. How are you supposed to move on from an ex by staying in touch with them.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Nope. That would is a terrible idea for everyone involved.

Dongie · Answer

That's right it's not a break up so consider hooking back up. If not, it'll hurt him the longer you let him have hope.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Terrible idea lmao That’s the foundation to a toxic relationship

SoJust · Answer

No, it's not true, you have to cut off all relationships after breaking up with your ex.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

To me it just sounds like you want him... You need to evaluate what you want

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Who decided to break up?

soe11 · Answer

Absolutely normal and acceptable.

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes you like him

DreamLife7 · Answer

He doesn't like love u back so what's your point?

HurremSultan · Answer

I think it's wrong

jahaims · Answer

Definitely not

In_Trance · Answer

No it isn't

MatureMan40 · Answer

Not ok

Is it okay to stay friends with an ex you’re in love with?

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Is it okay to stay friends with your ex?