Should I stay friends with my ex?

[Anonymous]

We just broke up last week. It was mutual, but I had brought up breaking up first awhile ago. Honestly, I was running away from my own feelings because he’s the first person I loved. I never told him this though. The day we broke up we agreed to remain friends. He has brought it up prior to our break up, and originally I shot that idea down. For me it’s heartbreaking to go from girlfriend to friend, especially from someone I loved. I don’t think our feelings were on the same level during our relationship, so I guess it makes sense why he would be ok with being friends still. I thought I could suck it up and try to remain friends, because I care about him so much, but I’m just so heartbroken. I just wanted him to love me like I loved him. When I left, he said he would text me, but it felt like I was the one putting in more effort to communicate. A week later now, I asked him over text if he still saw a future with me or if he was completely done/moving on. He have me a short answer to my paragraph, saying he didn’t know what the future would hold but he would have to work a lot on himself first if we did get back together. My heart sunk at that response, because it was too familiar. I had given that response before to my first ex who I knew I didn’t want to be with anymore, but still cared about as a person/friend. I wanted to hold on to our relationship for the future, but it’s so difficult now. I also feel like I’m being devalued as a women by waiting around like this. I love him, I care about him, and I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t think I can stay just friends. Should I still try to be friends? Is there a way I can be? If not, should I tell him I can’t? I don’t know what to do

[DaveJord]

I did not read the whole thing, but honestly for most guys... woman who stay freinds with their ex-boyfriend is a huge red flag.

Woman that want to be freinds with ex-boyfriend are the types that are not over the relationship and are unhealthy holding on to something that they should most likely move on from. Ex-Boyfriends will stay freinds with ex-girlfriends most for the same the reasons, but as long as you are his "friend" there is always a chance that you two can hook up again later.

Even when the woman says no, I will never hook up with him again, nobody really believes that. You can not predict what will happen 1 year or even 2 years from now. But as long as you are freinds with him the possibility is always there.

I only dated two woman that was still freinds with ex-boyfriends... and they both cheated. Not with the ex- boyfriends though. But they were still in contact with one or more of their former exs. They were woman that took advantage of men and used them. I gave them a chance and got what I got out of it without regrets. But I avoid these types of woman now, ex-boyfriend, we are still freinds = RED FLAG. Move one woman.

[Pterodon]

You will not reconcile and ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after nor will you be friends even if he suggests or agrees to it. You can’t be friends with an ex. It prevents one from moving on and causes problems with future relationships

[kylee2437]

I wouldn’t recommend it. You aren’t giving time to this break up and instead are just smothering him in desperation to keep a friendship going. Get your value back. Stop being desperate for a connection and go work on yourself. Women don’t understand that the more you leave a connection alone and go work on yourself, the more valuable you become to a man, and by at that point would you even like him anymore?

[provokeesmokee]

You're devaluing yourself, frankly.

You broke up and still want to be together? That's not breaking up.

Breaking up means mourning the relationship and moving on.

[RHK36]

It works if both are mentally mature. Neither of you are which is why it failed. He recognized that and is working on himself before attempting the dating world again. Why has that not occurred to you yet that it's time for self improvement?

[AydenHazor]

If sucking around as a friend if only going to hurt you and want more, then it's healthier for you to take some space. That didn't mean you can't be friends in the future, but you need some time and space to heal from the breakup first

[dudeinohio]

No you should not. When you get into a new relationship, your new partner will not like that you are friends with an ex. In some cases, it is a deal breaker.

[DextroShade]

Men and women can't be friends, all he's going to do is get in the way of future relationships.

[YesToLife]

It can get ugly... Stay away

[In_Trance]

Nope