Why the guy at the gym acts creepy towards me?

Question

A guy at the gym recently figured out my name and messaged me but later unsent the message. We have never spoke to one another and we see each other at the gym frequently. Why come off a little creepy by finding me on social media rather than coming up to me in person?

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

I don't think that's creepy. He thinks you're cute and he is trying to figure out how to approach you, probably in a way that isn't creepy. The internet says "Don't approach a girl at the gym, she's working out and that's creepy..." So, a guy does a little research and thinks maybe it's less creepy to contact you online. Then he second-guesses himself and unsends the message because he reads an article along the lines of "Don't message a girl you like. Here's why.".

I think the bottom line is that guys have no idea how to navigate with girls anymore. There needs to be a universally acceptable method that guys can use if we are going to expect them to approach us first, and so far there isn't.

If you don't like him, then be very brief, don't make eye contact, and be in and out of the gym quickly for a few weeks. He'll get the idea. If you really want to make it clear, message him and say you'd prefer that he not contact you online.

As for creepy, I'll share a story with you. I had an experience where a male employee hit on me at a hardware store*. I was nice and engaged with him briefly (politely, not flirting), but then I said, "I need to finish my shopping, thanks". I went back to what I was doing and he kept hanging around instead of saying "If you need anything, let me know" and leaving. I said it two more times, in slightly different ways. I started to get nervous, because I suddenly realized I was the only customer in the store and there was no one else there. I remembered a story about a woman who was raped and murdered in a children's clothing boutique by a male employee who locked down the store and trapped her inside. I quietly put down my stuff, said "Thank you!" and left to go to another store.

That's creepy...

*Any guys reading this need to know that I was dressed in normal jeans (i. e. not hypertight or ripped) and a t-shirt and wearing an athletic-wear jacket.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

People that behave that way tend to be shy and are not good at talking on a face-to-face basis.

The fact that he sent and then right away unsent the message leads me to believe that he did not intend to send it in the first place. He prepared it with the intention to send it later. It could also be that the thought it was inappropriate to send it right away and took it back. It could also be that he realized that what he does is creepy and that you may have a negative opinion about him.

To me, it does sound creepy and I would not address the issue next time you see him. That will let him believe that you did not read it. See how he behaves next time you meet at the gym.

MrExperienced · Accepted Answer

If all the poor guy did was try and message you and he got scared and he is too scared to talk to you then maybe have some compassion towards him because he obviously likes you. This modern day dogma where just because a guy is attracted to you and you don’t think he is a total hunk he is now a creep is total horse shit. We are animals and we are supposed to be attracted to each other and maybe smile at the guy and say something to him and get to know the poor dude. You never know who he is and what he might be able to offer in life somewhere down the road and if you don’t like him that way then maybe you could help build him up into someone that might be attracted to him. Be nice to people and you get much further in life. Now if he is stalking you or actually doing weird shit then that would be creepy of course.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Yeah that’s a little weird I mean finding out someone’s name isn’t super weird depending on how they got it such as overbearing somebody. At the same time he shouldn’t be randomly messaging you and maybe he figured that out after he sent the message.

He probably wanted to talk to you but got scared to do it in person, I would hope that it’s innocent enough. But if you have a feeling he may have nefarious purposes.

I would just directly talk to him. Tell him that you found it creepy that he randomly sent you a message and unsent it, as well as found it weird he knew your name.

As for the reason he did it? Again I think it’s innocent enough, you never know someone’s true intentions. But it’s likely he got nervous to approach you. So he found you online and did it that way.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Clearly you have differing views as to what is and isn't creepy.
I no longer know the correct protocols these days for seeing a woman I like and merely going to talk to her! Is it acceptable, is it not? See the dilemma?
He probably just chose the wrong option, but I wouldn't call it creepy!

genericname85 · Answer

cause he's attracted to you but too nervous or insecure to properly communicate that to you. clumsily trying to get to know a person often comes off as creepy, cause the person seems artificial and not genuine, which they aren't, cause they're trying out something they don't know hot to do right.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Translator

women... every move a guy makes that doesn't fit in her perfect little world is seen as offensive or creepy.

This guy is clearly pretty shy and tried to approach you but rowed back out of fear of rejection. By calling it creepy (some would even share it on social media to humiliate him publicly) you prove why many guys who are shy have and will always have a very hard time or probably avoid doing it at all

DarkLegacy · Answer

It is more safer then talking to a woman in person these days in accuse you get accused of sexual harassment, attempted rape and banned from the gym, lynched and ostracized. And your question proves that with this creep shaming. There is nothing wrong with what he has done. You are just being melodramatic.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm guessing you only think he's creepy because you don't find him attractive - if you did, you would welcome the attention

Nikki1989 · Answer

Another reason why messaging is such a dead end. You can't unsend a message if you talk face-to-face.

patois · Answer

Probably because you go to the gym in something that resembles underwear...

HawkPerception · Answer

He's introverted and bad at approaching girls and probably felt regret thinking he came off too strong or sounded like an idiot with his message. Try to give guys the benefit of the doubt.

ThatRandomBoy · Answer

I do not know I'm probably one of the few people that does not own social media I honestly think it's a waste of time let alone the creepy photos people post

laly520 · Answer

ig he is awkward n shy but since u claimed him going to other women then ig he is trying his chances around n maybe changed his mind on texting u

CriticalCatDad · Answer

This is why we need segregated gyms based on sex. Women won't be creeped out and men won't have to put up with a woman's bs

WhitneySnow · Answer

He probably thought you’d be more comfortable talking on social media first. Although I do wonder how he found you.

laraWM · Answer

If you feel you are interested, you can try to talk to him and ask him about it

ClaircognizantEmpath · Answer

hi, did you get to read the message or was it like a friend request?

Purpleronnie · Answer

So tired of these questions , I’m gonna go with he is a “creep” … move on with your life !

mayurr · Answer

Because you call them creepy when they talk to you directly.  He might have unsend the message because u didn't replied.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

He's probably too shy to approach you in person

stratford · Answer

He might be too shy.

Iron_Man · Answer

Well, what do you want to do?

dfdfdffffdfdf · Answer

he is shy and probably never talk to women

Kelley1 · Answer

So what?

Why the guy at the gym acts creepy towards me?

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