Should I feel hurt and offended by a comment my boyfriend made about my body?

[Latayshia122]

My boyfriend likes to be playful and affectionate at times when it comes to my butt in particular. Some comments he makes regarding my butt don’t feel genuine sometimes. When he jokes and says “bubble butt” while tapping my butt I thinks it’s cute and funny and don’t pay it no mind because I know I do. But whenever the size of it comes into the picture by him I get very sensitive about it. He will play around sometimes and tap my butt and say “big booty”. I think my butt is firm and a nice size but I personally feel it’s not big. Although, I do wish it was just a little bigger. I’ve only been told by a few other guys that I had a fatty. When I asked him why he felt I had a big booty first he said “I don’t know but it’s big to me.” I didn’t take that as a reasonable answer so I asked further. Then he said, “ Well, it looks big in those new leggings I got you.” I told him I felt offended and he reassured me a little bit by saying, “Your beautiful to me with or without clothes on.” I still felt sad all night. So, the next day I tried to seek more reassurance from him because so was confused. He then said,” Well, those leggings make your butt look bigger and when you have them on guys stare you down out in public.” And he just left it there. I felt bad and he didn’t say anything else. And I still feel bad. I was body shamed multiple times by men due to my size and body weight through criticism, jokes and compliments disguised as insults. I’m 5ft5 147 pounds and to most men that’s too small. Even though he says he not trying to offend or hurt me which I don’t feel he is deliberately. I told him multiple times I don’t like anything regarding my body size brought up through compliments, loving jokes or anything. He keeps forgetting and keeps doing it. But this time was even worse. He doesn’t understand what he’s doing and seems to lack empathy. He does not compliment my body in the process. Am I at fault here? Even though he apologizes I still feel bad. Why is this?

[PizzaDaddyo]

If you feel hurt or offended that’s really ur fault 100%. Grow up and consider he want to fuck a girl with a big ass weather it’s yours of the next girl you can’t change what he likes. This topic is kinda immature because you I think you getting a little too worked up and butt hurt literally from a complement. Feel how you feel yes but respect his taste or he’ll find the big assed girl and replace you if you’re gonna keep being so hurt about it. This really stems from your concern and focusing on other women. You say you want a bigger ass too? I could understand if you wanted a slimmer ass and he called you fat, I could see more offense but, you’re only cornering yourself with this one. Tell yourself you’re plenty enough and ur man wants you. If he’s being annoying about it just tell him to shut the fuck up about it then shut him up with some ass he deserves.

If you wanna make this world, a better place better look at yourself and make a change. Cha moan.


- Michael Jackson

[Blondiebabe8220]

Based on what I read, this is what I feel your boyfriend has: Toxic Masculinity. It is a harmful societal construct that perpetuates harmful gender norms and expectations, often leading to the objectification and mistreatment of women. It is important to recognize the signs of toxic masculinity in order to address and challenge these behaviors.

One common sign of toxic masculinity is the feeling of entitlement to women's bodies. Men who have internalized toxic masculinity may believe that they have the right to make sexual comments or engage in harassment towards women without considering the impact of their actions. This behavior can be extremely damaging and disrespectful, as it reduces women to mere objects of desire and disregards their autonomy and consent.

While it is possible that your boyfriend may have initially made these comments as a joke, it is crucial to address the issue if he persists in such behavior. Ignoring or tolerating these actions can enable and normalize toxic masculinity, perpetuating a cycle of harm. It is important to establish clear boundaries and communicate your discomfort with his behavior.

Having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about the impact of his actions is essential. Explain how his comments or behavior make you feel and why they are not acceptable. Encourage him to reflect on his actions and consider the harmful effects they can have on women. It is important to emphasize the importance of respect, consent, and equality in any relationship.

If your boyfriend continues to exhibit signs of toxic masculinity and refuses to change his behavior, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship. It is crucial to prioritize your own well-being and surround yourself with individuals who respect and value you as an equal partner. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and valued.

[Dinklex3]

You want him to compliment you or you don’t? You asked him and inquired about it, so I’m a little confused.
When he says one comment about your butt you could remind him right then and there that you do not like him talking about your body instead of asking him more questions about it that you don’t want to hear the answer to? Have you tried speaking to someone about your insecurities? I can’t tell you if you should feel hurt or offended, those are your feelings. My boyfriend pokes fun at me all the time nicknaming me “little butt” but it doesn’t bother me because I know he loves my body. So to me, it sounds like an insecurity issue. But again, I may not be understanding what you’re saying.

[Chazmatazz269]

Yeah…. you have issues that didn’t start with him. Therefore they cannot end with him. It’s up to you to manage your insecurities. Especially when he’s doing so much to not add to them. It’s actually extremely disrespectful to put MORE stock into one thing that stings and almost none into all the other nice things he has said and continues to say.
If i were you, i’d apologize to him for putting my issues on him and promise to try and do better. THEN ask him to try and be more mindful of my insecurities while i work on them myself.
If i were him, i’d tell you what i just told you and remind you that i won’t tolerate being demeaned and disrespected over such things that are not now nor have ever been my responsibility.

[Latayshia122]

I understand where you’re coming from. I know I have issues I need to work on. But like I explained in my comment. I informed him that I was sensitive and insecure when it comes to certain things. Which include my body weight and size. He promised he wouldn’t do it again but seems to keep doing it out of habit. I feel he gives reassurance but not enough or the kind I need.

[bobalife]

No, he was being playful and trying to express what he likes about you. But I think you’re giving trauma response to his compliments and it is something you will need to work on instead of projecting it on him. He has good intention, but he also needs to have a better understanding of your history and boundaries in order to respect where you are at. I think you do need to sit down and have an open conversation to have him have a better understanding of your history, insecurities, and trauma. And maybe you can also get a better understanding where he is also coming from. You can share what you are comfortable and uncomfortable hearing until you are feeling more secure about your body and heal from your past. Just know those guys are your past, not your current loving boyfriend who seems to wanna make you feel better about yourself and I hope you also learn to love your body.

[RebelinSteel]

The only way I can see around this is sitting down and talking openly about it.

explain your reasoning, the body shaming and it’s impact on you.

He does need to respect your boundaries and what you consider acceptable. That’s the same in any relationship no matter the sex involved.

But you need to be consistent with the signals you give out, you can’t get upset about him saying you have a big arse, but then say you would like your arse a bit bigger, that is completely mixed up.

Lack of communication and lack of clarity around being consistent will make this all worse.

[RingOfFire]

Honestly I don't think your boyfriend is the problem I think you have self esteem issues you should work on. You are who you are and once you become comfortable with that nothing anyone says about how you look can offend you. Different people have different opinions about what body type they are attracted to. I really like petite women... maybe under 5'3" and 110 pounds or less. Some men like women with big butts... I don't, I like slim women. So there is no way you can please everyone no matter what you do.

What your boyfriend said to you is beautiful. He said he loves you no matter how you look but you couldn't hear it. That's worth gold. It's worth more than all the men in the world who like you because of your butt.

You have to learn to be happy with what God gave you or you can never be happy at all. That's your job. If you rely on other people for your happiness you will be miserable for the rest of your life.

I wish you all the best...

[Rhizomorph]

Girl, I can’t relate. If my boyfriend said I had a big booty I would absorb it the same way as if he were to tell me I had a “bubble butt” which you seem to find cute and funny when he says that. He’s literally just admiring you when he says it’s big. He’s not calling you fat, he’s not calling you ugly. be glad he even compliments you at all because some bfs don’t.

[rosemilk]

if this hurts you then of course it is okay to feel that way. let him know asap. you shouldn't be with someone or allow someone to say those things if they hurt you. if he was truly sorry, he wouldn't forget that those comments hurt you and the things you have been through in the past.

[DishLady]

I honestly think he’s trying to compliment you. Sometimes guys say the ODDEST things and they think we hear the thing the same way they intend it… but as women we’re self conscious about how we’re perceived and so their words don’t hit us the way they meant them to.

[dustybiker2]

Woman tend to get stuck on things like this.
Let it go.
It is your body.
Everyone is born with their own little quirks we feel are imperfect. You aren't imperfect you are uniquely you. Enjoy and embrace your butt. It's yours and nobody else's. That butt of yours is going to see you through your whole life, so be nice to it.

[Anonymous]

You have issues you need to work on. I don’t get it. You’re upset that he said your ass is big but at the same time you said you wish it was a little bigger. Maybe I read that wrong. Are you upset that he’s saying you have a big ass? Or you’re upset that he’s saying you have a big ass but you don’t so you feel bad about it cause you really want a bigger ass? I don’t get it. More than likely that ass is part of the reason why he’s w you.

[Billlewis]

Based on your description of yourself, I would have to regard you as absolutely perfect.

[PeachyPie93]

Literally what he said wasn't bad in anyway, you are just taking it bad because your insecurities. All guys like big butts these days its not like he was calling you fat he just thinks you got a nice round butt lol.

[TycheKairos]

Frankly, I saw it as a compliment, not an insult. All men want to have a woman with big buttocks. What's the problem, the way it's expressed? Or is it your lack of self-confidence?

[Latayshia122]

It wasn’t what he said. It was the lack of communication and reassurance he gives. The way he expressed it came off as an insult or a little inconsiderate more so than a compliment. That’s giving me the impression that he’s telling me I need to wear clothing or certain leggings he got for me in order for me to make my butt appear bigger or more attractive. I can see if he made a comment about my butt without mentioning me having clothing on.

[TycheKairos]

As a result, your self-esteem has been damaged by the way he expresses it. Unfortunately, you have to talk to him, not to us.

[DreamLife7]

That is not a compliment. Girl where is your self respect

[Latayshia122]

@DreamLife7 I’m glad someone understands. I feel it was more of a comment that came off inconsiderate. Even though he said he didn’t mean harm. He did emotional harm. But if he didn’t mean any harm should I feel bad?

[DreamLife7]

@Latayshia122 Yeah, I get it, and you can't listen to a lot of these gag chicks because their self-esteem is low. They're desperate and will settle for any type of attention. It's like he only sees you as one thing such as a piece of ass. Is he black?

[Latayshia122]

@DreamLife7 He’s white. I’ve dated white men before in the past. I didn’t experience this with them though.

[DreamLife7]

@Latayshia122 seems like he sees u as just ass

[SotiCoto]

I reckon he means well. But it isn't as if you're in control of how you feel about it.
I'd say nobody is in the wrong here, but his "compliments" just aren't as complimentary to you as he reckons they are.

[Jkgordon]

I’m a black female and I’m so sick of our race being obsess with asss! You have nothing else to worry about besides this? Get a hobby!

[Staximus]

I'm confused here. You say your boyfriend calls your butt big and that you wish it was bigger, but you get offended when he says it looks bigger in leggings.

[onedarkcloud]

If you want to make him feel awkward when he says those things to you say in the same way he talks to you that he has a small dick and his nuts are too big but you still like him.

[Ms_Facesitter]

No, he means it well. It's not a bad thing, you shouldn't feel hurt.

[handsomelad70]

Five-five,147 pounds isn't small to me, lassie. In fact, ol' boy thinks it borderline chubby.

[Anonymous]

Why do short girls increase their height. Lol. 147 pounds is a lot. Makes sense u have a big but

[noohair]

Why do all women want whay they don't have? Curly hair or straight. Big boobs small boobs. Relax.

[anon1903]

An apology would be nice