I’m cheating on my girlfriend. How do I tell her?

Question

Found out about 2 months ago my partner has been cheating on me for basically the entire year we’ve been together. I got mad when I found out and decided to sleep with someone else before telling her I knew. I slept with 3 people in the last two months and haven’t enjoyed any of it.
Now I’m not sure what to do. I’m still in love with her and I have no idea how to even start the conversation.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You are best to break up with her if you both are cheating on each other , you should have dumped her the second you found out she cheated on you , but since you didn’t? You are just as bad as she is , so you can’t really point fingers at her without pointing fingers at yourself first. My advice to you if you don’t want to lose her , is have a serious sit down talk with her without yelling and confess to her that you know for a fact , that she cheated on you , only if you have solid proof that she did? , don’t just assume you know she cheated on you , because without solid proof you might be digging your own grave , Because most cheaters are very good liars. and will not tell you the truth , so make sure you have valid proof she did , before talking to her about it. If you have proof , tell her you know she cheated on you and tell her the truth about what you did as well , and tell her you don’t want to lose her and see if she would be ok with having an open relationship with you? Cuz otherwise man? It’s more than likely over between you both if you both can’t compromise with each other , understand an open relationship means the both of you can still have sex with other people , but you are both honest about it instead of lying about it and you both are choosing each other over falling for someone else. It’s a slim chance that it will work but at least you both will be on the same page with things

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

You “still love her” but you didn’t have the self respect to get out this bullshit the second you caught wind of it.

I realize it’s easier said than done to leave when your worst nightmares come true in these situations. Out of nowhere you got gut punched. Not easy to turn off your feelings for her like a light switch. It’s blow to your ego as well.

But the ugly she doesn’t respect and/or is a sex addict. Instead of getting even with her you thought you can “even the score”. But truth is won’t hurt her at all because she never had any real respect for you to begin with. Especially given it’s gone on an entire year.

Just remember if you don’t have self respect you don’t have anything. Now you are both in the wrong when you should have left when you were on higher ground.

But I think you want the relationship to continue (that’s why are feeling unnecessary “guilt”) as dysfunctional as it is.

You need to end it now. This will never resolve itself. And again this isn’t an isolated innocent for either of you.

Caroline91 · Accepted Answer

You love her and you reacted out of hurt. But my question to you is do you really want to be with someone you love who has cheated on you from the beginning? You could cut your losses and call it quits at a year, take time to heal, find a healthy relationship with a woman who respects you and live a happy life... or... you can stay and try to work things out with a woman you never could and never will be able to trust and waste months or even years in the process. I'm sure your pride has taken a dreadful hit and your heart is hurting right now and I am so sorry you are going through this. But this is. your time to make the best choice for your future happiness. Choose well. Remember we all deserve happiness in our lives... with a person who loves us and who we can trust. I wish you only the best.

coxoabean · Accepted Answer

That sounds hard. But you should just tell her that what she did hurt you and you can tell her the reason you decided to cheat on her. Communication is important so telling her how her cheating on you made you feel would be good. You could just start the conversation by telling her you guys need to talk about something important. She really shouldn't get mad at you as she did the same, and she should be understanding of you and your feelings. Hopefully she would be understanding and forgiving. Hopefully things will go well for you and you find a way to tell her...

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the bumpy road of relationships, huh? It sounds like you're stuck in an emotional whirlwind, but fear not; transparency is your friend here. Starting the conversation is all about honesty and vulnerability. Let her know you're aware of her actions and share your own missteps without pointing fingers. It's essential to express your feelings and the hurt that led to your decisions. Love is complex, and rebuilding trust will be a hefty challenge. Still, if both hearts beat to the same rhythm, there's room for growth and healing. Keep it calm, keep it honest, and who knows? This rocky patch might just lead to a stronger foundation. Remember, love is a dance that sometimes steps on toes. Let's hope you both can find the rhythm again. 😌💔💪

AviatorTom · Answer

You start by telling her that you were hurt when you found out that she cheated on you, and that you reacted in a way (cheating yourself) in a way you now regret. Tell her you love her and that you want to make things right with her. Then, let her talk. You should end up with a joint conversation that will determine where your relationship goes from here.

coachTanthony · Answer

do you still love her or is it your ego wishing she loved you enough not to have cheated? What I would do is just break up and tell her you want different things in life and let it be that. She has already lost all respect for you. She can apologize to the moon but her lack of respect for you will never change.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

She cheated and you cheated. Neither of you is ready for a committed relationship. Break up, then work on maturing.

ManOnFire · Answer

I completely understand your pain - and probably shock - from finding out she's been cheating the whole time. However, you cheating back wasn't the answer either.

You can tell her, but knowing that she's been doing the same thing, she probably won't be that hurt to know you've been doing it too. And I know you said you love her, but the painful truth is that she doesn't feel the same way, or else she wouldn't be cheating. If you want to tell her it's up to you, but I would just end the whole relationship and move on. I know it'll be hard but she was a skank from the beginning, and you don’t want to hold on to a girl like that.

abc3643 · Answer

THIS:

"I slept with 3 people in the last two months and haven’t enjoyed any of it.
Now I’m not sure what to do. I’m still in love with her."

NO, you don't.

When you are in love, real love, it is an insane madness which consumes you and the very concept of cheating on the person you love is unfathomable. Since you cheated (regardless of your feelings or circumstances), you don't love her.

Do both of yourselves a favor and end the relationship.

If there is anything really there, you __could__ conceivably start a new one with her.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

Tell her exactly what you told us. Say that you know she cheated (make sure you have evidence to back up your claim), it hurt you and you cheated back. If she wants to work things out, go to couple counseling.

You don't love her. You're just in love (aka deep infatuated, which is simply heavy physical attraction) and that eventually fades. That's not enough to sustain a relationship.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

There's no coming back from cheating. You should leave her. If you loved her you would not have cheated. That "love" you think you feel is just lust. Plus when you found out she cheated, you place more value on revenge than her (or yourself).

Do better.

male1997 · Answer

If you want a serious relationship, tell her about it and tell her that you know about her also. Ask her for a reason why that you know what to improve for next girl. You didn't feel anything with other girls because you knew that you should not do it. It is normal.

So be a man and clear things up. Break up with her and never repeat this strategy. If someone cheats never cheat just to prove something. Find a girlfriend who will love you and you will love her without cheating.

People most of the time cheat because they want someone else but they are afraid that they won't find anyone better than their partner. Be different. If you are young and want to try what you like and want be single, meet and fuck different girls and when you meet the one you will settle down. Same for her.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Just tell her everything, but just know you may love her but she doesn't love you. Since you didn't enjoy cheating and still love her, she enjoys cheating showing she doesn't care about you. She is using you or something so I would suggest telling her everything and just breaking up. Things will not last with a person not giving you their all.

tzdc21 · Answer

You shouldn't have lowered yourself to her level of cheating. You should've broken up with her the second you found out, not do the same POS stuff she's been doing to you. If you had any sense, you would know to end it now because this has become an even bigger mess than it could've been.

PointlessNonsenseGuy · Answer

Just break up with her. You can explain why in a letter, or an email, but this relationship doesn't seem like it's worth saving.

Either she's bad for you, or you're bad for her, or you're both bad for each other.

For your sake and hers, just end it. You'll both be happier in the long run.

avery58 · Answer

First tell her that you know she's been cheating on you. Then tell her you did the same out of anger. I don't know why anyone would wanna fix any of this mess at this point though.

Abbycado · Answer

You ain’t in love and neither is she. Just a couple of douchebags.

CrabCakes11 · Answer

This whole relationship is toxic and unsalvageable. Just break up with her

justabuddy · Answer

It sounds like you both will have a hard time respecting each other after all this. You should have confronted her when you found out, verified and left her at that time. Its never wise to do crappy things just because those same crappy things were done to you. She doesn't respect you or you her now. Best to leave and work on respecting yourself again.

Just my thoughts

n1n1999 · Answer

You both need to consider ending the relationship. It's unhealthy for both of you. I understand you're hurt because she has been unfaithful, but responding by doing the same won't improve things. Take some time to reflect on what you truly want and deserve. You might find that you're meant to be with someone else who values and respects you.

lightbulb27 · Answer

we'll neithr seems very good at communication. I'd just tell her you love her but you don't like what the relationship is doing to you and go to therapy.

electromagnetic · Answer

Say: “I’ve been cheating on you.”  And continue the convo from there. Then when you gets mad, you can let her know that you found out she’s been unfaithful too.

exitseven · Answer

You really need to end this relationship. Just tell her you know she is cheating on you and dump her. No explanation is necessary

dustybiker2 · Answer

The topic might come up if you started packing early.

stratford · Answer

If she is cheating on you and didn't tell you, then it's already over and you can't trust her to be faithful again. Cheating is often habit forming - she will know it's wrong but won't be able to help herself.

Kiss_Me · Answer

Just tell her and cut her loose. You do not what that type and degree of toxicity in your life.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

How did she tell you? I would take the same approach as it appears as though you stuck around, so it seemed to be successful for her.

Unit1 · Answer

So you both are cheaters. That is A match made in heaven. Enjoy cheating on each other. But why tell her, that you have cheated on her? She didn't tell you. Why should you?

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Before anyone can give you any decent advice, you first have to decide what it is you want. Nobody can make your mind up for you.

rosemilk · Answer

i'll save you the hassle, she doesn't care. so just leave.

chrissykerdock · Answer

tell her you think your gay this way her feelings won't be hurt

serious · Answer

Well, you should confess to what you are doing and then break up with her.

nawtee_me · Answer

Start by asking her about her other boyfriend and see where that goes. You may have to go no farther with the conversation as she may leave you….

onedarkcloud · Answer

It is easy to tell her bluntly HONEY LIKE YOU I AM FUCKING OTHER PEOPLE Where do we go from here

LaurenM1997 · Answer

You are just as bad as her! You guys need to break up

Anonymous · Answer

Seems like you are both made for each other.

DextroShade · Answer

Dude, this is pathetic. You should just rub it in her face.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude--why the hell would you sleep with someone if you're not going to enjoy it? You need to find hotter, better women to have sex with. Either that or you're REALLY doing it wrong!

Iron_Man · Answer

You guys need to separate for good because your cheaters

jahaims · Answer

Get out of the relationship. You are both too immature to be in one

LiamJHayden · Answer

Neither of you is committed to the other. Break up.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

This relationship sounds pretty fucked up. It's over

MacDaddyRico · Answer

Relax, give me her number and I'll take care of everything

Anonymous · Answer

leave her alone you loser. if you were a real man, she wouldn't have cheated on you

naartjie · Answer

You’re both extremely shitty. Why not just leave?

EmmaMary · Answer

What a pathetic fucking lowlife! smh

Part2603 · Answer

Just ghost her.

leftovercream_ · Answer

Just call it off both of you

Theodoricus · Answer

Sounds like trolling the internet.

virtualwasp · Answer

what a mess, leave

PeterLegg91 · Answer

You've both be cheating on each other leave it be

TallAnon · Answer

Just break up and stop dating

grega239 · Answer

You deserve each other

Joshgag2000 · Answer

You just tell her

HawkPerception · Answer

Scumbag

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like its time to break up.

MK1997 · Answer

Keep it a secret

In_Trance · Answer

Straight up

triatletha · Answer

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I’m cheating on my girlfriend. How do I tell her?

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