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He had an accident with his car, so for a while he will be without car and he doesn't like using public transportation. He keeps wanting me to drive him. He cannot drive because he is kinda traumatized and I understand that, but he acts very needy and wants me to focus on him all the time. I have things to do like my job and all but he waits for me to put them as secondary but I cannot. How can I talk to him?
While I hope he is ok , and it certainly seems that he has come out of it at least physically relatively unscathed road incidents and accidents are just unfortunately part of being a driver the longer you drive / more time you spend on the road. I drive on average 800 miles every week and have been driving since I was 17 and in that time I have had 1 accident that was my fault where I fell asleep at the wheel and been involved in 12 other “accidents” from minor to being hospitalized. You just got to pick yourself up , dust yourself off “man-up” and get on with it or at least not burden others by your own weak willed nonsense
It sounds like he needs you to drive him around for a lot of shit. The only real cure to this situation is getting him his own car. Drizzle Drizzle. You see, I myself am in the same situation with my wife and it's mainly because we had to give my car away because of a military move. I don't want to drive her shit and risk making a mistake. Driving isn't a problem... but driving with someone elses property... makes me feel uncomfortable.
I think why I don't run into much conflict with her... is I don't have a bunch of needs. We both eat, we both drink... and I don't ask for rides that isn't a mutual desire.
No one “likes” public transportation, so that’s an excuse. Uber is so easy to get. I’d encourage him again to take that approach, at least when it’s inconvenient for you.
Now, in long term relationships this shit will happen and as partners we pull up when they’re down. BUT you can’t enable them when they’re being lazy or entitled.
See this is only temporary so hopefully it won't last much longer. Secondly is not your responsibility to go around with him everywhere and if he's taking advantage of his condition he's acting like a sh*tty person. If you're not available you don't have the obligation to drive him wherever he needs to and he must understand that.
Navigating the roads of relationship dynamics, especially when they involve wheels, can be quite the adventure! It sounds like you're feeling more like a chauffeur than a partner at the moment, and that's a detour nobody wants to take indefinitely. Let's steer this conversation in a direction that might help you both.
To broach this topic without braking too hard on his feelings, you might want to start with expressing empathy for his situation. Acknowledge that his trauma is real and you understand why he's avoiding driving or public transport. Lighting up the mood a bit, you could playfully suggest that as much as you love your shared time in the car, you've accidentally taken a wrong turn into becoming a part-time Uber driver without realizing it.
Gently remind him that while you're happy to support him, your tank is running a bit low with the additional driving on top of your own commitments. Encourage a partnership approach by exploring alternatives together. Whether it's finding a compromise on how often you can realistically play chauffeur, looking into carpooling options with friends or family, or even considering therapy to help him overcome his trauma with driving, it's about finding a middle road.
Remember, it's not about leaving him stranded; it's about navigating this bump in the road together. Good luck, and may your relationship journey be smooth from here on out! 🚗💑
Opinion
18Opinion
He should probably seek help from a psychologist. You should try to talk to him about it
1) To solve any problem, you need to define it. This inculdes knowing its nature and scope.
Which means, he has to sit and sort out his feelings. Why did it happen.
My friend was driving me, when we had an accident. The one who hit us clearly and easily said he was wronged. Neither I nor my friend have been traumatized. Since it is not something unusual or out of hand.
2) After knowing what his problem is, let him start writing steps for solution.
I know support by riding with him can really relieve his stress, in case needed.
3) Not liking public transportation is broad. Again, he has to sort out his feelings. Is it impractical, or too much time or what?
* If silly excuse, gently tell him I also don't like dependable people who can't overcome their problems or so.
4) Let someone else talk to him about the topic if you see he is not opening to you.
The "accident" is just an Excuse... i had an Accident with a Honda civic (i wasn't driving), but that didn't stopped me from getting myself a Volvo xc90 and that's a Tank... so the only way is to fight "fire" with "fire"... He become "too lazy" relying on you, so tell him to get a grip...
Sounds borderline manipulative. …. bout time to have the ‘let’s get you reintegrated into the drivers seat’ ever so slowly, but surely talk with him. Just tell him in a polite caring way, that its becoming a burden or a little too much responsibility on your part. That the scales are unbalanced - if you know what I mean?
Just be honest with him. If he’s capable of taking public transportation then encourage him to do so… but if he was injured in the accident and NEEDS YOU to help him, remember to be kind and thoughtful, but mention it’s perhaps good to make up a more convenient schedule/routine.
I'd tell a girlfriend like that that she needs to grow up. We all need to use public transportation now and again and he isn't levitating above the rest of us as if he's too good for the bus. If he's too damaged still from the accident then you should probably help him to try and get past it as well. Whether professional help or just talk it out.
Why do you feel that you can't talk to him about something like this? Why do you even have a boyfriend if you have no communication with him? Is the sex that good? 🤔 At 39 you should be able to talk about anything with someone.
Tell him he needs to grow his ass up and quit being a selfish victim. I've been in a wreck on the interstate before in a 1979 mgb with no airbags. I know what a wreck feels like. He just needs to quit being a pussy.
Been in some bad accidents myself. Worst thing you can do is avoid driving unless you plan to stop. It should make you a better driver. And you can't repeat the past. Only be better prepared.
Be considerate but draw some rules that address your needs as well.
Let him drive your car? So he grts practice… even if around the house.
Brain damage and fear are real.
As a girlfriend lol I'd say or if not was my girlfriend I'd say " to, take an uber, take a bike, or get on public transport and like it* lol 😆😆😆
Just don't pick him up the next time he asks for a ride. Has he never heard of getting back up on that horse? Like literally
Tell him he's not a little kid and you're not his mom. Time for him to get his shit together and start acting like an adult.
When he is feeling needy of a ride tell him you have other people in need including you and he can take public trans or a car service to where he has to go.
Relationships are easy. If you just communicate honestly, you'll work through it.
Tell him to grow the fuck up. Some therapy and a bus pass will go a long way for this snowflake
u gotta talk to him in a honest clear n direct way, including how u feel
Your boyfriend is a pussy. Tell him to go put on his big boy pants or go to therapy to get over it
The woman Is driving the man? He's just a friend then unless it's because he has a disability
Tell him to give u a call while he’s on the bus and u can talk about it then
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