Am I selfish for not wanting to drive my boyfriend around anymore?

[Anonymous]

I’m 19 and I have a driver’s license and I have my own car. I paid for my car and everything. My boyfriend is 23 and he used to have a car but it got wrecked after he was hit by a drunk driver 2-3 years ago. He doesn’t even have a permit or a license. And I ALWAYS have to drive to his apartment and it’s getting kinda aggravating. Sometimes he will ask me to come over and he won’t even really talk to me when I’m there or he will get mad because u woke him up and he wants to sleep. Mind you, this is around 11am. He will just be a lazy fuck and ask me “Do you want to go back to sleep?” Um, no I don’t.

And then he just sleeps for an hour or two while I’m there and I just feel like it’s wasting my gas + my time. Sometimes I will straight up tell him that I don’t want to drive to his apartment because I’m not in the mood to drive or I feel like it’s pointless if he’s just going to be lazy. He gets offended when I tell him this and he says how he’s not lazy but it’s the truth. I also drive us everywhere and I sometimes pick him up from work if we get off at the same time.

He does give me gas money but he is OLDER than me. He should be the one driving me around! There is no reason why he doesn’t have his license or be attempting to get it. I’m thinking about lying to him and telling him that my Camry broke down so I can’t use my car.

[worldscolide]

yeah his behavior smacks of undiagnosed depression. Unfortunately unless he wants to get help he won't ever change. You have two choices really, Nudge him in the right direction so he can become productive again, or cut your losses.. Were i in your shoes i wouldn't just stop driving him around, i'd leave.

[Asker]

Well people can’t help their depression. It’s also you’re not in my shoes so it’s just easy for you to say “Just leave.” I want to help him with his depression but I don’t know how to go about it.

[worldscolide]

I know what you mean.. Im not sure how i would help him.. A lot of the difference between men and women is that men won't get help, won't change unless they want to.. I think telling him you won't drive him around any more is a step in the right direction.

[Anonymous]

Help can not be demanded only requested. He needs to take his own responsibility for getting back on the road. I lost a car and saved 4 months and got a used one, so it is possible. You are enabling him to not be responsible, ease off the rides and he may work harder.

[Asker]

You make a valid point. Maybe I’m being too nice. Thanks for the advice!

[340sunny]

You're not selfish, because it's not always fun to drive someone around especially when they aren't appreciative. I know how you feel, in high school I drove my (now ex) around for a few years even though he was 2 years older but he just refused to get his license.

[Asker]

It’s actually pretty embarrassing on his end. My boyfriend said he feel “embarrassed” because I’m younger than him and even I drive but he isn’t really taking the initiative to change the issue. Kinda pathetic in my opinion and getting a license is not even hard

[LEADFOOTboi]

he'll never believe you... camrys don't break... he should be taking some priority in his life tho to get that going for himself again as well as for you

[Asker]

Well he asked if he can borrow my computer to do the online course. I always tell him that I don’t mind him using my computer but I’m not driving all the way to his apartment to bring my computer to hit me with “I’m still tired. I’ll do it later.” We live in central Texas and we’re still somewhat on shut down so there is no excuse for him to be this damn tired from doing NOTHING.

[LEADFOOTboi]

it's weird, i'm experiencing a similar tiredness... it makes no sense and it's been here only for about a whole week... but yeah, try being mean to him a little... have you talked to him about his future plan of getting a liscence?

[Asker]

Yea I have discussed this with him

[COMMODOREII]

First of all he is lazy.
Second its a Camry it would be hard to believe it broke down.
Third he needs to get his drivers license.
Fourth get on his case so he grows up.
You can do it girl. You got this. 😎

[Asker]

I’m always getting on his case! I tell him “You’re getting too old to not be driving yourself around. You need to get your shit together.” Is that too harsh?

[COMMODOREII]

Nope not at all

[slatyb]

What you need is a whole new boyfriend. This one seems like a total waste of time.

[Asker]

How is he a waste of time for not owning a license? That’s kinda shallow to call someone a waste of time because they don’t have a license or car.

[slatyb]

It's not his lack of a license. It's his lack of respect for your time.

[Nahid1707]

You’ll need to drive him to places if needed because he can’t drive as you mentioned

[Anonymous]

Just break up with him it’s clear you aren’t happy

[Asker]

Break up with him all because I’m tired of driving him around? That’s overdramatic.

[Opinion Owner]

Well your the one who is complaining about him being lazy and how he sleeps when you drive to visit him you are also the one who is complaining about driving him everywhere and how he gets mad if you wake him even though it is 11am

so you have 2 choices suck it up or dump him because he is never gonna change

[Asker]

Ok and just because I ask a question on how to better the relationship you gonna tell me to leave him? He clearly has some kind of depression or something of that sort it seems like but by the way you answered my question you seem very shallow.

[Cryptic-Game]

That doesn't make you selfish.

[Asker]

How can I motivate him to get his license?

[MiamiMadness]

get his ass a bus pass

[Asker]

Thanks for being reasonable and not being dramatic like the other girl 😂😂 “just leave him.” How much do those bus passes typically cost?

[MiamiMadness]

No problem 😂 they're usually pretty cheap, you have to get it through the city but shouldn't be more then 15-20$ a month maybe? Could be cheaper, it's been a while since I rode a bus tbh lol

[Asker]

This sounds so petty but would it be messed up if I lie and tell him that my car is in the shop even though it isn’t? 😂

[MiamiMadness]

hahah Umm it may sound like a good idea but when you lie about small stuff like that I feel like it's easy to get caught so it might lead to bigger problems. Why can't he used Uber? The rides are super cheap and he can pay for himself

[Asker]

Well I live with my parent’s at the moment until I move out in a couple of weeks so he can’t visit me. My parent’s don’t allow guests over.

[MiamiMadness]

Yea that's a hard situation, the guy should be the one worrying about transportation where I'm from so maybe talk to him that your parents don't want you driving because of the Corona virus or something like that and get him to come up with a solution?

[Asker]

Okay thank you!

[MiamiMadness]

No problem, good luck!

[coffeewithcream]

Dump that loser.

[Asker]

I told him that he needs to stop acting like a loser and you know what, he admits that he acts like one sometimes. Maybe I need to be more stern and he will get his shit together. He can at least get a cash car for a starter and stop spending his money on stupid stuff.

[coffeewithcream]

You should just walk away from that relationship and not look back.

[HandsomeJacked]

You can do better.

[Asker]

He’s a good person but he’s been getting really lazy with this quarantine stuff going on and it’s starting to piss me off that he would rather sleep until noon when he can be using that time doing something productive. He doesn’t work at a job that would make him THAT tired. He is just LAZY.

[HandsomeJacked]

So it's only a quarantine thing? Come on everyone get depressed right now.

[Asker]

Yes I think it’s the quarantine thing

[Jmmmfi4]

Stop enabling him