Experience with No-Fault Divorce?

[Anonymous]

It's nobody's fault. We were different people when we got married, we've both changed and we've both become so much happier and healthier and our lives together have been amazing. But they're both going in different directions that just can't work together anymore.

Luckily no-fault divorce is still legal where we live, but we never prepared for this obviously. So he's now started researching the official process and I'm planning how to tell friends/relatives and especially our daughter.

My question here isn't the technicalities of it or the statistics or any shit like that. I want to know about the personal & social side. Have you ever been divorced where no one was at fault, or do you know anyone who has been? Any anvice or warnings to keep it as mellow & drama-free as possible and be a smooth transition especially for our kid? Thank you

[Anonymous]

What do you mean "no one is at fault?" You both promised each other forever and you both failed. You brought an innocent child into this world and now you are giving her a broken home. You both find it easier to simply walk away from each other and you seem to be oblivious to the harm this will cause your daughter.

You are both at fault.

[Asker]

We are both responsible for getting divorced, yes. The reasons for the divorce aren't anyone's fault though. It's just circumstances, it's not things we can change or compromise on—we tried. So it's either divorce and raise our daughter together happily, or stay married and raise our daughter together unhappily. It's tough but life's a bitch sometimes and you end up with all bad options despite doing your best to avoid any.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

“Especially our daughter”. I hope you share custody amicably

[Asker]

Of course! We want to keep that relationship parents/child as stable as we can. I don't see how it would help to have only one of us have sole custody that could just make it harder.

[Anonymous]

Those are easier on everyone when you both use the same attorney.

[normalice]

In all cases of no fault divorce that I'm aware of someone was at fault but the other person decided (correctly, in my view) that it would save a lot of whining to just go ahead and pretend to have no clue why it seems like the right time to go separate ways.

[Asker]

So things will go smoother than divorce where someone is at fault, I was certainly hoping so. I guess pretending for it to be no fault would also be easier to avoid drama, luckily in our case it would just be the truth but the effect should be similar

[Anonymous]

No fault divorce will be the death of the institution of marriage. Marriage dying a slow death because of the high divorce rate, the fact that women file 80% of divorces, and men get screwed in divorce court and child custody, so men are just saying no to marriage in record numbers. The institution of marriage won't last more than another generation or two.

[Asker]

Cool, so I should let him file it & not screw him over. Makes sense..

[Opinion Owner]

You should just be a good person.

The problem is women as a whole today, and what they have taught men about marriage (and divorce), and what they have turned marriage into. There are still some great women, and healthy marriages today, but put yourself in the shoes of the average man looking at the potential benefits and risks of marriage for men now. Would you do it? If you're really a good person, and you're honest with yourself, the answer should be no.

[Asker]

Bro this isn't about the culture of marriage or society, frankly idgaf about all that right now. I'm concerned about our personal divorce and the aftermath. I dont have mental space to be considering a potential second marriage as/to any gender right now—we're not even divorced yet!

[EnjoytheDay777]

I've never heard of "no-fault" but maybe we don't have that kind of divorce here...

[Asker]

I think it's just any divorce where no one cheated or was abusive or anything bad like that. I'm in USA so there's been some talk about getting rid of it recently, but it's still here for now.

[EnjoytheDay777]

Yeah, I can understand that kind of divorce. Sometimes things just peter out.

[Bricealan]

Terrible,... no matter how it occurs.

[Asker]

Yes but there must be ways to make it as less terrible as possible.

[msc545]

Great for women - terrible for men.

[Asker]

Oh no. Is there anything specific we should watch out for to keep it less terrible for him?

[msc545]

Yes, get married in a state where there is at-fault divorce, or better yet do not get married. There is no advantage for him.

[msc545]

oops - you already are married. Try to get divorced fairly.

[Asker]

That's what I'm asking—how to make the divorce easiest/ least bad for everyone involved.

[msc545]

I don't know really. Perhaps ask an attorney.

[MasterKS]

smart divorce!

[MasterKS]

@asker my one friend almost done that way!

[Asker]

Thanks lol, I guess that's a way to look at it. How did things go for your friend?

[MasterKS]

it has some pros and cons of everything!