Why does my ex not seem to feel any pain after the end of our relationship?

[StarSeamstress]

My ex and I were together for 1,5 years. He "chased" me even way before that. While we were together there truly never was anything like an argument. We just clicked. We had the same interests and love language. I supported him when he had problems at work, had his back during his studies parallel to work, organised my work around his schedule and came to all of his games (he plays sports semi- professionally). I took care of him when he was sick or hurt and always made his problems our problems. In spring I asked him if he wanted to move in together and we begann appartement hunting. Around that time he started to spend more and more time on his phone with a collegue, 11 years oder than him, who had been trying to win him over for months. I didn't think much of it. We still had a great time. Cuddled, danced romaticly, booked our vacation. He told me he loved me several times a day. He went through 3 tough weeks at the begin of June. We didn't see each other that much and there was always stress and such. Furing that time we lookedat some appartements. It may have been unfortunate timing but couldn't be helped. When got the call from that we would get our dream- appartement he told me he could not move in with me. He said it does not feel right and when moving in together doesn't feel right, it can't be love. He broke off with me. Wirhout even trying to work on it. Some days later he started an affair with that coworker. 4 weeks later he told me thay were officially together. How can it be that he not even so much as misses me or regrets his desicion, while I am a shell of the person I was. How could he just continue like this? Is there a difference between how men and women deal with such things? His coworker is the coolste opposite of me. Way oder, has children, is still married (planning divorce) and doesn't prioritize him or spenden time with him, even during the very beginning of their relationship. How does that make sense?

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to hurt you any more than you’re already going through, but I want to give my honest opinion. So the most likely case here is that their connection isn’t new. He probably had feelings for her, but since she was married with a family, felt the need to try and move on. It’s the whole “wanting someone you can’t have, so settle for someone else”. You were meant to fill space but became more. By the time you were going to move in together, he had no choice but to break up because that’s too deep of a commitment and his heart is with someone else. Then I’m sure once she realized he was really going to walk away from her, it was the push she needed to get that divorce. You only officially heard of them being together but they’ve technically been together a long time. She cheated on her husband, and he cheated on you. They are both pieces of shit and deserve each other. I know you’re feeling bad, but remember god has a plan bigger than you! Don’t get ahead of him and his timing. Feel this grief, and then heal it so you can move on. Don’t worry about your exes pace and relationship, you aren’t missing out and she isn’t gaining a good man! She’s gained a cheater, liar and user, which is exactly what that old hag deserves.

[GlitteringWorld]

That's a harsh thing to do, and I feel sorry for you. I know you might be in pain right now, but consider it this way—you dated a scumbag who just used you.

[theegloveguy]

That’s terrible and I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like he may have been conflicted during a lot of your relationship. I’m sure he cares, but sometimes people can be really bad at communicating that. But, I personally feel that he was moving on from your relationship before he officially broke it off. He may have been trying to convince himself to stay, but may have realized that his heart’s not in it anymore.


Anyway, it seems like he’s made his choice and he’s sticking to it. It’s terrible for you, because I see how much this is destroying you. I just hope he doesn’t try coming back if that relationship goes south. Sometimes people are just yearning for something new and exciting in their lives, but then they’re so distracted by the allure of new that they’re blind to the red flags. But, at the end of the day, he choice was clear.


I’m sorry again that you’re going through this and trying to process. But you will heal. It’ll be a while, but you’ll get there. Whatever happens, I just hope that you come out better and happier on the other side of it! 🙏

[melnc]

At least you have something valuable to keep, yourself.
Let him go...

[sawno]

Its the jump to someone new. If he went to someone new that quickly he probably has the void filled so to speak. While you were left alone with something to miss. If the guy actually deeply loved you he wouldn't do that, you deserve better.

[genericname85]

if he's the one breaking up, he's the one already over it. so naturally to him it is less pain. it's always the person who's broken up with that suffers more.

[Iron_Man]

Cold hearted man