Ex hasn’t moved on even after over 3 years, is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Broke up over 3 years ago but the ex is still trying to reach out every once in a while. He’s been told to never contact me ever again and that I’m happy in my new relationship but he still calls me and posts photos of me as if we were still together. I’ve ghosted him and have him blocked but he’s still finding other ways to contact me. Is this common? What’s worse is that he’s in his late 30s…

I was the one that broke up with him but I thought he’d be able to move on fast bcs he moved on from his previous relationship (before getting together with me) pretty quick. His last relationship ended bcs they canceled the engagement by the way then after 3 months we started dating. We dated for 4 years but was already distant and growing apart the last 2 years.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah it’s not normal. He needs to leave you alone and find someone he’s happy with. But unfortunately I can see why he hasn’t found someone else because of how he is.

People HATE seeing someone move on (even if they initiated the break up) I think you dodged a bullet there. They sometimes even still feel a sense of entitlement.

He is your ex so you’re not obligated to put up with his shit and what he’s doing is harassment if he told you to stop. Unless there is a serious matter such as he has a STD or the worlds ending. He shouldn’t be contacting you for any reason whatsoever.

I don’t know what’s going on in his head because I’m not psychic. But I assume he has sone psychological problems. Just empathize with that and feel sorry for him. Not enough so that you allow him back into your life because he’s making his own choices. But people like this aren’t worth hating.

People sometimes become obsessed.

[Asker]

Yeah we were still friends back when I was still single but I did let him know that I was seeing someone new and that I had to set boundaries out of respect for my new man. He doesn’t seem to get the hint though… it is getting kinda creepy. I do feel bad for him bcs he meant a lot to me at one point and I really just want him to move on and be happy…

Do you have tips on how I should handle this? I’ve been ghosting him and blocked him everywhere but he’s still finding ways to contact me

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I totally get what you mean when you directly tell somebody to leave you alone no beating around the bush, no dropping subtle hints, just being upfront in a respectful way. Should send the message across.

It’s not that he isn’t getting the hint…. It’s just that he’s disregarding it. Things do get creepy after a certain point he does need to move on. It’s good to feel bad for people instead of hating them.

But you need to be a little more firm. You have been nice up until this point and he keeps pushing it.

[Summeroflove]

What I would do is. Tell him to stop directly. If that’s not working. Bring some of your friends and tell him to stop. If he still keeps on then bring this problem out in the open to everyone and show people what’s going on.

Also if you need to take criminal and/or civil action. Document everything. And so what needs to be done. Because all you want him to do is leave you alone. But some people feel they are entitled for some reason or another

[Summeroflove]

Another thing is being friends is fine. But he does need to respect your boundaries. Sometimes it’s better for two people to move on. Especially if you feel like he’s trying to push past being friends. Sometimes it can work and other times it doesn’t.

The thing of it is. When someone tells you to leave them alone.:.. just leave them be.

[Asker]

I decided to cut off ties with him and I did tell him that I don’t want to be friends anymore and that we need to cut off all contact. It worked for like a month but then he started coming back… I did also tell my family and friends to ignore him when he does contact them.

Thank you so much for all the advice though, you’ve given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate you!!

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome. Yeah I get it sometimes you have to cut people out. Some people don’t have boundaries with other people and you can still care for someone. But at the same time care from a distance.

Sometimes you have to take legal action. Because never underestimate how crazy sone people are

[Asker]

True… I’m hoping it won’t have to come to that, let’s just hope that he won’t escalate things further.

Best wishes to you tho, you’ve been awesome and super helpful!

[sawno]

Pretty common, if someone truly loves you and has strong feelings for you it can last way past the relationship. Only difference is if she tells you to never contact again most guys take the hint and move on.

[Asker]

It’s getting a bit creepy though… I wish he’d just move on

[slatyb]

He's your ex. Why do you even know this? Why haven't you moved on?

[Asker]

Because he is still finding ways to contact me. I have him blocked but then he will reach out through my friends or family (and they usually inform me about it), at first we were still following each other on social media so I could see that he was still posting my photos. I called him out and unfollowed/blocked him on social media.

[ProbablyClueless]

That is absolutely not common, no. lol Clearly there's some level of obsession happening there.

[Asker]

😬 I don't know what else to do to make him stop

[ProbablyClueless]

Unfortunately, situations like that are why we have the police and the legal system.

[exitseven]

This guy sounds like a nut. Maybe look into a restraining order

[Asker]

I'm starting to get concerned tbh...

[SotiCoto]

Stop asking if things are normal.
That is never the right question.

[Asker]

You’re right. But is this common then? He was my first real relationship and I don’t have any other exes beside him so I don't know what’s common and what’s not

[SotiCoto]

That is the same thing. Why would you even care how normal / common / average / typical it is?
It is happening to you, right? That is all that matters. That and how you feel about it. React in accordance to how it impacts your life... NOT how many standard distributions off the bell-curve of normal behaviour it may or may not be.

[Asker]

I think I’m just asking just so that I have a support system bcs it’s been bothering me so much and I don't know what else I can do so that he stops popping back up into my life. Thanks for bringing in a different perspective on how I should be seeing this issue tho, I appreciate it

[Anonymous]

It can be if you're engaging him in ANY way. I had a woman stalk me for 2 years. It took her a while but she stopped after I cut off all access to me. Knock on wood she's done anyways.

[Asker]

I think the fact that I responded to tell him to cut it off gave him hope even though it was just me basically telling him to f off...

[KrakenAttackin]

Congratulations, you took true love and crushed it like an empty beer can.

[IslaTheWitch]

how do you know WHY did they break up?

such behavior can be a mental disorder, not love...

I would suggest first gathering information and then drawing conclusions... as assumptions can be very harmful

[KrakenAttackin]

@IslaTheWitch Women leave relationships between 75% - 90% of the time. Normally she leaves the relationship in search of "better".

[IslaTheWitch]

any official source for these numbers?

[Asker]

I don't think it was true love. He was the one that originally wanted to break up but he said he wanted me to be the one to break it off bcs he felt guilty. I took some time to process it and then decided to have a chat with him about the future of our relationship, we both agreed that we didn't see a future with each other - so technically it was a mutual agreement to break up. We had a lot of love for each other of course, but it was no longer working. We were still hanging out as friends after the break up and we realized we were so much better off as friends but I had to cut him off after I started seeing a new guy. My fault for moving on with my life I guess?

@islathewitch yeah I don't understand why some people just immediately jump into conclusions...

[KrakenAttackin]

@IslaTheWitch Are you kidding? These numbers are akin to "the sun rises in the East". American divorce statistics are well documented.

[IslaTheWitch]

any official source for them?

[KrakenAttackin]

@IslaTheWitch You can start with this:

www.bls.gov/.../...-and-educational-attainment.htm

[IslaTheWitch]

err...

Using data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 (NLSY79), this article examines marriages and divorces of young baby boomers born during the 1957–1964 period. The article presents data on marriages and divorces by age, gender, race, and Hispanic origin, as well as by educational attainment.

lol

[Pterodon]

He might have really loved you

[Asker]

Seems like it. I hope he’s able to move on and find someone new tho, I still wish him the best

[MrDaveAPSI]

Are you allowing him to move on?

[Asker]

I want him to

[In_Trance]

Stop paying attention to your ex

[Asker]

I have him blocked and have never responded to him, but he's still reaching out through my family/friends...

[Anonymous]

What does he want when he contacts you?

[Asker]

He’s just asking how I’m doing and especially how my new relationship is going. Been ignoring him tho

[Danny_dan92]

Down bad boy

[Asker]

It’s getting unhealthy tho lol he needs to move on

[Danny_dan92]

Exactly why I said what I said

[DreamLife7]

Then block him? Duh. Why are women so airheaded

[Anonymous]

Are you hot?

[Asker]

Hopefully