Is it weird that I still feel hurt by my ex even though I'm happy in my current relationship?

[Anonymous]

The last guy I dated for over a year, was my worst heartbreak ever. He hurt me in ways i can't even explain and when he traded me in for someone else, i decided I deserved better.

I found someone who is amazing and whom i love so much. He is everything I could want in a partner. However i still struggle with insecurities caused by my ex. Even though im happy with him, I can't help but feel overwhelmed every time i see him (which is daily, at work)

When i see him post pictures with her it breaks my heart. It's not that i want him back either. Its a weird feeling i can't explain. Is this very strange or is it normal to feel this way?

[sage2021]

I think the best thing is for you to find another place to work, or pray that he finds another job somewhere else. And it may peak your curiosity and look at his life with the other girl. That is self-tortue. Don't do that anymore ok? You are lucky you found a great guy. That doesn't usually happen in the real world. But you have to get totally away from the ex! Seriously! I was seeing this guy I worked with, and I wanted love, but he just wanted me for a friend with benefits. It was so hard to see him everyday at work. I prayed to God everyday for him to get another job somewhere else. God answered that prayer. But we kept seeing each other. I really believed that with enough time spent together that we would have more, but we never did. I didn't like the place I was living and I knew in my heart that if I continued seeing him, I was just going to feel hurt. So, I packed up my son's stuff and everything else and I moved over 3,000 miles away from him. It was hard to do that, but it was the only way to get out of a relationship with a guy that was emotionally unavailable guy.

[Medicalbug]

Nah it’s normal. I was once dumped by an ex for reasons that completely shocked me (he lied about his value system) and I was so angry that this lowly creature dare think of me in such base terms that I took great pleasure in crushing him when he came crawling back. I was so hurt and so angry. I kept thinking who the hell did he think he was? It was like he had defiled me somehow by devaluing me with his weird opinions. It didn’t help that I realized I didn’t even like him and wasted time on him. I usually have very friendly relations with exes, so this was new for me.
Even now when I think about it I have to keep myself from being angry. I do hope he dies alone though. Lol. Just an awful person.

[Asker]

Im so sorry that happened to you. What a horrible persob it sounds like. And yeah exactlyyyy my thoughts: who does he think he is🙄

[Medicalbug]

Sorry it happened to you too! Yeah - it’s not about wanting them back. I almost hate the guy - and he did come back when he realized his life sucked without me around. Do you think I wanted that little shit back? Nope! But I still think about the insult even now and how he just existing out there somewhere after doing that to me. It’s a deep cut and it left a scar.

[Finchie40]

Because you had an emotional connection with him and memories , part of your life , , Females tend to have more Emotional feelings then guys do, why so many girl’s tend to hold on to their exes for a long time compared to how a guy does , Guys have emotional feelings as well but guys are more , for their physical needs to be met over their emotional needs , that’s what makes guys and girls different , So if you really like this new guy you are with you are best not
To talk about your ex to him , Guys hate that shit with a passion and it will make him feel you don’t value him as much as you valued your ex , and that’s a huge turn off to guys , You need to move on from your ex as much as possible and realize he is your ex and that you need to exempt him from your life

[DaveJord]

Yeah your not ready to date honestly you have to get over that shit. Why you still following him and seeing pics? Your still in love with your ex. Your trying to seek closure you will never get, and either it is or will screw up ever other possible relationship you can or could have. It will make you undatable to other guys, that really are looking for meaningful long term relationships.

I have dated women like this and they are the ones that eventually ask for time to get space and figure themselves out. Once that happens to me then I move on there is no coming back to it later for me.

[howhigh420]

No ma dear its not if u where with him a long time its hard and stings like a wasp it hurts so much i understand u doll it happend with guys with me a lot of times there i just found out 12 days ago in 2022 that he was cheating on me from 2020 nd imet him in 2018 assholes honestly ma dear they just destroy us after all our love affection and time nd kindness we give them and just stab us in the back not all men are like that but u said ure happy maybe juzt somethongs ure doing reminds you of him or what you done with him dont stop it though iam still damaged to it feels horrible but do things you enjoy to get him put that kind head ae yours ma dear and uwl get there one day doll hd up ure head be strong and ure heart will lead you to the right time to say get him out your head nd get on with it uwl be ok doll

[DarkCarousel]

It sounds like you weren’t necessarily in the best place to get into another relationship. It’s normal to have hurt feelings for a while after a breakup but you have to give yourself time to heal so that you don’t hurt the next person who comes into your life.

[GlassTop]

I've been cheated on in the worst way possible. I will never heal from it because the person you loved and trusted the most betrayed you in the worst way possible. Time heals wounds. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten into another relationship until you were healed because you partner might be suffering with you or comparing themselves to your ex. I personally would hate my partner thinking and crying over their ex when they are supposed to be with me. But i’m sure your partner is perfectly fine with it. You will get stronger so just keep your head up.

[itsmicaelaxo]

Not at all. Doesn't really mean you would ever get back with him. He was an important part of your life and those feelings don't magically fade away. Besides, sometimes we feel hurt not necessarily because of who hurt us, but because HOW they made us feel

[Buntyp]

It's not that it's weird but it is obviously a problem that is causing you distress. No-one here, no matter how well intended their effort, is going to be able to give you the right kind of support with this. You need to find an impartial counselor that you can trust and use their skill and training to work out what's preventing you from letting go. You need to take back control and the first step is in finding the right kind of help. Be strong for yourself.

[Staximus]

It's not fair to your current boyfriend for you to still be so hung up on your ex. Stop stalking your ex online. Why do you want to see pictures of him? Because you are still in love with him or you can make yourself feel bad? Why are you torturing yourself? Get a job somewhere else. Why are you so obsessed with a guy who treated you like shit? Is that how you want to be treated? Time to move on with your life. He has moved on with his.

[Chlo3_2001]

Of course. <3 ❤ You're valid. If it hurts you it hurts you. Just he sure you're taking necessary steps to heal but it is fine to be sad sometimes about things that happened, even if years ago.

[Anonymous]

no, that's normal. hopefully one day you'll have closure

i will suggest therapy tho. it'll help in the long run from this trauma this asshole caused you

[Alyssa_11]

I think it’s normal. You’re hurt. But within time the feeling will eventually fade away. Just let it do it’s thing for now.

[dtweed1996]

Not really I got played and con for money and do to my low self esteem I don’t really care that much so it just remains a distant memory that no longer bothers me

[noohair]

If you live in the past, you can't grow. I believe that you need to find another job and don't look at antisocial media. You are making yourself sick.

[Nagahime]

Nope. Perfectly normal, especially if they did terrible things to you.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah you need closure. Perhaps talk to him if you think it’s safe. Just get an post op analysis of what went wrong.

[AnthonyJ01]

Yes, I still feel the not exactly hatred, but disdain towards her, her kids, her mother and the bitch county deputy she cheated on me with.

[driven159]

yes get over it before it ruins your relationship you are in now not fair to them

[Wisdom-Strength-Love]

normal. but keep it on the downlow

[Asker]

Yes. I definitely dont show it to him which makes it even harder

[abc3643]

Join the club! 30 years and counting!

[TwinkleLily5]

No sometimes it causes trauma, I did for me.

[Aurora1010]

It's normal, it happened to me before.

[Kiran_Yagami]

No, it's not weird and there's a term for that.

[Asker]

Whats the term?

[Kiran_Yagami]

You are an "alpha widow".

[Asker]

Could you explain please? Never heard of it before

[Kiran_Yagami]

Alpha Widow: A woman who has been abandoned by an Alpha male. No matter how great her new man is, she will perceive him as failing to meet the standard of the alpha she was previously associated with.

[Nozgrd74]

No such thing as an alpha male or female... Ignore this dude

[Kiran_Yagami]

@Nozgrd74 Why wouldn't there be? Pack animals all have alphas. What makes human beings so special they wouldn't have a similar heirarchy?

[Nozgrd74]

Actually that's incorrect. Your belief stems from a biologist who studied wolves, he wrote a book about alpha wolves that he later disproved. He proved his own work incorrectly. There are no alpha animals leading any pack.

In reality it's more to do with willpower, drive, ambition

[Kiran_Yagami]

@Nozgrd74 That's fine. Being the "pack leader" is not how people describe "alpha males" in terms of humans anyways. When people say "alpha male", they mean males at or near the apex of social status, wealth, and sexual desirability. Whether or not you like the term "alpha male" is irrelevant. In the context of how I speak, there is most definitely such thing as "alpha males". Semantics are not important. The men I speak of exist regardless of what you choose to call them. There are men at the top. That much is fact.

[Nozgrd74]

"there are men at the top", okay, that's fine.

So in other words, "There are confident and ambitious men who are more successful because they don't sit around and wait for opportunities".

[Kiran_Yagami]

@Nozgrd74 Of course. That is self evident. Women rate men on 4 main scales of attractiveness. Sexual desirability (looks), resource acquisition skills (wealth), leadership skills, and social status. Alpha males are men who have ALL FOUR characteristics in spades. No one in his right mind would call Bill Gates an alpha male. He's richer than god, but that is all the man has going for him. Only the most desperate of crack whores would say that Bill Gates is sexually desirable.