Why do unhappy people act like it’s someone else’s job to make them happy?

[Finchie40]

My selfish ex wife that still lives with me , will not leave the house , she constantly tells me she isn’t happy , I tell her to go be happy , I am not stopping her from leaving whatsoever , she says I owe her? I laugh and said I don’t owe you shit , I am not the one that ruined our marriage , so if you aren’t happy , go live your life elsewhere, cuz I will be happy once you are gone , so stop acting like it’s my job to make you happy. The girl is a complete wack job and she wonders why barely anyone likes her , she is a selfish pos person that pretty much admitted to me that she is using me because I owe her? What kind of shit is that? I just ignore her and tell her to get out of my face , She also watches these dumb ass movies and constantly compares her life to them and making comments , like that’s where she deserve to be , and says she deserves to be treated like that , or she compares herself to people on social media saying she should be living that life style blah blah blah , I tell her to go find it , because you aren’t getting that with me you had your chance and blew it. She is never satisfied with anything , she always feels she deserves better

[BullShark]

I would blame romcoms and romantic movies for instilling these dumb beliefs in people. Think about it; in a bunch of romantic movies, you see a depressed woman who's just broke up with her toxic ex and almost immediately afterwards, falls for her high school best friend who always secretly had a crush on her but was too chicken to speak his mind, but now after 5-10 years, he's magically and apparently become hot and attractive and they go right to doing the dirty in the sheets. Wtf? No!

That is NOT how it's supposed to go! Being unhappy and scarred by a toxic, or even a messy relationship that didn't end on a good note is normal and it happens to the best of us. My own ex deserted me when I was in a rough patch at my lowest and needed someone to be there for me, only for her to tell me that she caught feelings for that friend of her's who "I shouldn't worry about" and that we can't be a thing anymore because she's already made up her mind. Herself.

So what did I do? Did I immediately hop onto another one of the many girls from my college who had an eye on me but were keeping their hands to themselves because I was taken? No. I took a few months break from the dating game and fully processed the break-up first and foremost, and then and ONLY when I was feeling better about myself and was over her betrayal was I feeling ready to get back into the dating market again. Not before.

It's not the job of someone else to heal us. If we're broken, it's best to acknowledge that pain and heal from it first instead of committing ourselves to the next person, because what you'll end up doing is just hurting this new person who has nothing to do with how you are now, but since you're not healed yet, they're your emotional punching bag right now and trying to fill in that hole your ex left behind

[lightbulb27]

Doesn't know where else to turn. I'm surprised she isn't an addict... but maybe she is in some ways... seeking out pleasure to numb pain. If cannot be happy in ones own skin and place, they go seeking for something else.

That one requires some therapy as sounds like she has some self esteem issues. I've seen something like that from a woman, about her age, that said she was sexually abused... which makes them feel powerless and out of control, and continually unhappy. Functioning out of some wound.

Whatever the issue is... the problem is back in her upbringing of childhood. It may also be hormonal and life changes if she wasn't like this before. When kids are out, she's faced with... what am I now, what next? Can be a lot of insecurity and fear.

The time is probably long past for prayer, support groups, therapy, etc.

She should go to church to start learning and I can send links for that to watch, but she needs physical presence to focus on herself. Finding deeper fulfillment in peace of heart, serving others, helping other people with their problems... can all be very positive emotionally. Whatever is fulfilling to her might help. All she knows is she isn't happy and wants you to fix it. Trouble is, no human can and she will avoid the root causes (if she can even find them), that's what people do. That's why Jesus is there... a crutch.

It's a tough place to be when a partner is not healthy. Seen it too many times.

Were there ever really good times?

[Sunnysunny123]

Because they can't make themselves happy, i also think i deserve more and deserve to have more financially but that doesn't make me misserable i am still happy with how much i have done and i am working on doing even more.

You don't owe no one absolutely nothing. Partners are here and they make us happy and it should be like that but we should not expect someone else to fix our life and our misery. She should leave and fix the life she wants because no one else is going to do it for her. At the same time you will be able to fix yours.

[Finchie40]

Yea she just started to dwell on my happiness , basically doing her best to bring misery into my life instead of happiness , so I chose to walk away , because I was mentally exhausted from being her constant punching bag , so for my own sanity I put a stop to it , and she didn’t like that version of me , which i don’t like that version of me either , but I just got tired of being her punching bag. I eventually started meeting girls’ that were complete opposite of her , that actually had a nicer personality and positive attitude , so I was drawn to that and kicked her to the curb

[Potteplante]

Yikes. You picked a winner there, shouldn't have married someone almost no one likes.

Sounds like you two were a match made in heaven tho, you married to someone you dislike and she married to someone she dislikes.

[Finchie40]

She was likable in the beginning and for quite some time , she just changed after we gotten married and had kids’ she suffers from anxiety and depression, PTSD, ADHD, And OCD , has time went on she just gotten worse to the point she became an unlikable person , always being rude and disrespectful, saying she doesn’t give a shit about anyone , she pretty much dug her own grave with that one , which I am not like that at all , complete opposite of her , to the point i chose to walk away , her negativity pretty much pushed me away

[ohsheeT]

Yeah people just don't get it I think it's because they don't know themselves..

That they are the only person on the inside of them they are the only person in this world that can make them happy or sad or pissed off or glad or whatever emotion they want to feel at any given time.

Just because somebody does or says something that they don't like doesn't mean that person made them unhappy

They are the only ones that made themselves unhappy in that moment by their reaction by their out of controlness by not understanding who they are as a human being they're the only ones in control of themselves just like we are the only ones in control of ourselves and that's one of the best things in the world to be.. besides happy

[AviatorTom]

Unhappy people are often insecure, and it's easier to blame someone else than acknowledge their own flaws.

[mobiusforniner]

💯 percent answer right here

[Lurix]

Bro, that sounds like a total mess! 😩 Unhappy people really act like it’s everyone else’s job to make them happy, and it’s wild. Your ex sounds like she’s just projecting all her issues onto you, thinking you owe her something. 😂 Nah, you don’t owe her anything! You didn’t ruin the marriage, so why should you be responsible for her happiness?


It’s crazy how she’s using those dumb movies and social media to compare her life and think she deserves better. Like, get real! 🤦‍♂️ If she wants a fairy tale, she should go find it instead of sitting around expecting you to make it happen. Sounds like she’s just looking for excuses to stay and be miserable.


You’re totally right to tell her to bounce if she’s not happy! Just keep ignoring that negativity and focus on your own happiness. 💪

[Zack-Bann]

No offense for what Im about to say


“What kind of pushover lets his ex wife stay with him nagging all the time? Does she also bring lovers in as well?”


Ok now I’ve said it.


You seriously need to get her out. If you legally own the home you have the upper hand
If she owns it you gotta leave
And if it’s shared ownership you either buy her out or sell your share


Ultimately don’t sit there allowing her to drag you down misery road


If you’re officially divorced you don’t owe her a thing

[Finchie40]

No she doesn’t bring anyone else over , we made the agreement that we both won’t bring anyone else around especially for the kids sake as well, we promised if we do end up falling for someone else , we will go forward with the divorce , I honestly think my wife is screwing around with her girlfriend but she isn’t telling me the truth because she is embarrassed not admit she is bi sexual. She just wants her cake and wants to eat it to , my wife and I use to have amazing sex before she met this girl and sadly it went down him from there. I trusted her until the intimacy and affection started fading after she met this girl. I have asked her already if her and this girl are doing more than just being friends , and she won’t give me a straight answer , she gets mad and defensive about it. Because she knows she will be wrong if she is doing so. I have been nothing but honest with my wife and she tries to play me like a fool and started treating me like a convenience. It got to a point I could no longer come on to her , I basically had to wait for her to come on to me , so our marriage turned one sided after she met this girl , when before she met this girl , intimacy and affection wasn’t even an issue between us. But now it is , because I put my foot down to her and told her if she doesn’t want to be close to me anymore then this relationship isn’t going to work period. So I decided to end it with her because it became one sided. I realized I want a girl that chooses me like I choose her , not the other way around , so she no longer sleeps in bed with me and sleeps in another room , We don’t hate each other we just know we aren’t good for each other anymore. After we stopped sleeping in bed together , she would try to come in my room and fuck me , at times I let her because I was horny and said fuck it but I knew she was using me. I just laid there and let her ride me pretty much but honestly all I pictured was her cheating on me with that girl or someone else

[Zack-Bann]

That is heavy
I’m sorry it turned out that way for you

My first real love came out has lesbian and I had to watch her get with girls without ever having the chance to share my feelings because I wasn’t even on the menu for her anymore. It’s messed up when you can’t even blame the person

I can’t tell you how to live your life or what’s best for you your kids or even your wife

But your situation is broken and you know it

You’ll never find someone else unless you make room in your life
And she seems to be all set so she doesn’t care

It’s time to pull the cord
Will be hard at first
But ultimately you’ll start to heal and she’ll get her wish

[Finchie40]

And all I felt like was a blow up doll for her , because the connection we once shared was gone , so I told her no more having sex with me , because I don’t feel close to you anymore , I felt used , she just acted like she could fuck me whenever it was convenient for her , and then her girlfriend came in the picture and she stopped having sex with me all together. So she is just a room mate to me know

[Finchie40]

Yea bro that’s how I feel with her that she all of a sudden became a lesbian and I no longer matter to her. I’m sorry , girl on girl is still cheating to me , if she wanted to be with girls’ she should of addressed this shit to me in the beginning of our relationship, not wait years later to come out of the closet , that to me is cheating. I am no longer her priority anymore , so she is no longer mine. I started talking to another girl and she is complete opposite of my wife , she knows what I am going through and she agrees what my wife is doing is wrong , so I am probably going to end up fucking this other girl soon , and when I do I am going to finalize the divorce. My wife knows I am open to meeting someone else and we both agreed we will stay living together when that happens.

[Finchie40]

Until that happens

[Zack-Bann]

You’re unhappy. Out here torturing yourself waiting for an eventuality that might take years

Intentional or not your wife is currently abusing you

But it falls to you to end that

Maybe a part of you thinks you still have a chance that she will come
Back and love you once more but let’s face it she’s a lesbian

You’d be doing both of you a favor by ending the marriage and relocating to be apart.

Either way best of luck to you. No one deserves to be in that position

[razelove]

Then why is she still living with you? If it isn't court ordered, the time for pity is over. If it is court ordered start sleeping with other women.

You're divorced, I don't know or care whose "fault" it is, you aren't mentioning kids. So there's no reason to even stay in contact. Get out of each others lives and move on.

[Leenah_1]

They may be used to relying on others for validation, comfort, or support, which can create a dependency where they expect others to fill emotional gaps.

[Finchie40]

That sounds like her 100’percent

[DtMe89]

Models do this a lot

[Anonymous]

happiness comes from within

nobody is responsible for another person's emotions but themselves

no it ain't my fault, it ain't God's fault, it ain't Trump's fault, it ain't society's fault

it's your fault for your own feelings. whether you get offended or not is also on you

[noohair]

Dude, I could say a lot but let’s just say she is a lost cause. I find it funny when women feel they are owed something for a relationship. It sort of sounds like a whore complaining that they did not get paid enough.

[PatKirby]

This is very simple. Happiness comes from the inside, not the outside.

Similar to love it's something you give, not receive.

[Friendlybro79]

Learn how to change a deadbolt and wait for her to leave. Holy crap dude what are you doing over there lol

[DrPepper12]

Toss her out or buy her out. She's obviously toxic and you are too kind.

[NathanDavis]

looks like you both are quite unhappy..

[strateguy632]

I agree.

[LiamJHayden]

Entitlement Society?